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Everything You Should Know About This Type of Interpersonal Conflict
Decision-making is never simple, and it becomes even more challenging when you're forced to choose between two unfavorable options. This is what’s known as avoidance-avoidance conflict (AV-AV), a scenario that often leads to procrastination and stress. Even though avoiding the conflict may seem like the easier option, it can feel just as exhausting. In this article, we’ll explore this conflict type in detail and share expert advice from Dr. Liana Georgoulis, a licensed clinical psychologist, on how to navigate and resolve these tricky situations.
Key Insights to Keep in Mind
- Avoidance-avoidance conflict occurs when you are faced with two undesirable choices that each come with significant downsides.
- For example, you might experience AV-AV conflict when deciding between two medical treatments, neither of which offers a definitive cure.
- You can manage this conflict by carefully considering your options, gathering information, and seeking advice from a trusted individual.
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What is Avoidance-Avoidance Conflict?
Avoidance-avoidance conflict occurs when you're presented with two undesirable choices. In these situations, you’re forced to choose between two unappealing options, making it a classic case of ‘the lesser of two evils.’ This can make decision-making especially tough and often results in avoiding the decision or procrastination in hopes of a better solution emerging. Here are a few examples:
- Being diagnosed with breast cancer and having to choose between two treatments that don't guarantee remission: chemotherapy or a double mastectomy.
- Disliking your job and having to decide between quitting and facing unemployment or staying on for the paycheck.
- Starting a diet and having to choose between eating during a business meeting or being the only one who doesn't eat.
- Choosing between voting for a candidate who prioritizes the environment or one who focuses on people’s needs.
How Do You Overcome Conflict?
Conquer conflict by carefully weighing your options. Decision-making becomes especially tricky in avoidance-avoidance conflict, where neither choice seems favorable, yet a decision must be made. To make a decision that best suits you, consider these strategies:
- Create a list of pros and cons for each option.
- Research both choices (if applicable) to gain deeper insights into potential outcomes.
- Pay attention to your emotional responses and how each choice affects you.
- Discuss your options with someone close to you for a fresh perspective.
- Communicate openly with healthcare providers or experts (if relevant).
- Avoid delaying your decision, as procrastination may lead to more anxiety.
How to Handle Conflict Avoidance
Approach conflict with a positive mindset. Instead of viewing conflict as something to fear, try to see it as an opportunity for growth. Psychologist Liana Georgoulis advises, “By shifting your thinking towards thoughts that are more positive, you will positively influence your emotions.” View conflict as a chance to learn, express your feelings, and strengthen your connections with others.
Get comfortable with saying “no.” Ease yourself into managing conflicts by saying “no” to smaller requests more often. Setting boundaries will make it easier to assert yourself when more challenging conflicts arise. This could be as simple as declining extra hours at work or saying “no” to a night out with friends.
Use deep breathing exercises. Manage your stress and anxiety in conflicts by practicing deep breathing. When you start to feel overwhelmed, breathe in for 5 counts, hold for 5, and then exhale for 5.
Start keeping a journal. Write down your thoughts in a notebook to help you process your emotions, fears, and worries. Before a conflict, take a moment to write about your feelings. Journaling can calm your mind and provide clarity. Don’t worry about structure—just write whatever comes to your mind.
Stay focused on the present moment. When feeling stuck or overwhelmed, focus on the here and now. Ask yourself: What choice will benefit me in this moment?
Consult with a therapist. When you're uncertain, don’t hesitate to ask for help! A therapist or counselor can help you uncover the roots of your fears, manage your anxiety, and improve your communication skills. They might explore your past experiences or relationships to understand why you may be avoiding conflict.
Are there other types of conflict?
According to Kurt Lewin, there are three types of conflict. German-American psychologist Kurt Lewin identified three primary types of interpersonal conflict: approach-approach conflict, avoidance-avoidance conflict, and approach-avoidance conflict. These conflicts arise when you’re faced with two choices.
- Approach-approach conflict (AP-AP) occurs when you're given two equally desirable options.
- Avoidance-avoidance conflict (AV-AV) happens when both options are equally unpleasant.
- Approach-avoidance conflict (AP-AV) arises when one option has both positive and negative aspects.
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Conflict avoidance refers to actively steering clear of any conflicts, while avoidance-avoidance conflict is a specific type of conflict that involves having to choose between two equally undesirable options.
