Buzz
Discover the profound bond shared between close friends.
Though romantic love holds its own significance, the affection you share with friends is truly irreplaceable. The term 'philia love' was introduced by Greek philosophers to describe this extraordinary connection. Read on to understand how these philosophers defined philia love and what makes it distinct from the other seven types of love they identified. We will also explore the presence of philia love in the Bible and its deeper meaning. Prepare to explore the many forms of love.
Key Insights
- Philia love refers to the love shared between friends, but can also extend to family, coworkers, and peers.
- Characteristics of strong philia love among friends include mutual acceptance, honesty, compassion, and trust.
- Philia love appears in various parts of the Bible, often symbolized as brotherly love or love for family.
How It Works
What is Philia Love?
Philia (fill-ee-uh) love represents the bond shared between friends. It encompasses the affection you feel for friends, family, peers, or colleagues. This form of love thrives on mutual interests and values. Unlike lust or romantic love, philia love is not driven by sexual attraction, and it is often reciprocal—you form friendships with people who genuinely want to be friends with you. Greek philosopher Aristotle identified 3 different types of philia love based on distinct benefits. These include:
- Usefulness: Friendships that are formed because they offer certain advantages, like job prospects or expanding your network. These types of friendships may exist with work colleagues or classmates.
- Pleasure: Friendships based on the enjoyment and fulfillment derived from spending time with someone. This might apply to friends you hang out with during weekends or vacations. If the enjoyment fades, the emotional attachment may shift.
- Virtue: The highest form of philia love, rooted in genuine care and concern for the other person. These friendships are not based on personal gain, but on the deep connection and mutual respect shared between individuals.
Characteristics of Philia Love
Self-Love Aristotle proposed that true friendship can only be achieved once you have learned to love yourself. By treating yourself with kindness and compassion, you can extend that same empathy to others, forming deeper and more meaningful friendships.
- Start your journey of self-love by speaking kindly to yourself and using positive affirmations to boost your self-esteem.
- Affirmations like, “I am capable,” “I deserve love,” and “I am a good person” can be a powerful part of this process.
Acceptance Strong friendships are grounded in the acceptance of each other's unique qualities. You respect each other’s perspectives and differences, and show genuine interest in one another’s thoughts and feelings. Acceptance also involves being at ease with your own identity, feeling free to be yourself without fear of judgment.
- To foster acceptance in your friendships, remain open-minded when your friend shares their thoughts with you, showing sincere curiosity about their experiences.
- Practice active listening to engage in meaningful conversations and make an effort to understand them on a deeper level.
Loyalty True friendship is defined by an unwavering sense of loyalty and a protective instinct for someone you care about. Even in challenging times, you remain by their side, offering your support, knowing they will do the same for you.
- Be sure to stand by your friend during tough moments to demonstrate your commitment to the relationship.
Trust In a genuine friendship, you can be open and honest with one another. Compassion and empathy are central, and you’re always willing to help. Trust is what differentiates a true friend from just an acquaintance.
- To build trust, focus on setting healthy boundaries and respecting them.
- Boundaries might include deciding which topics you’re comfortable discussing, when you need personal space, and how much communication your friendship requires to thrive.
Comfort Being with a true friend feels effortless, almost as if you’re spending time with family. You feel safe and at ease, without the need to constantly monitor your words. There’s an inherent comfort in their presence.
- Take the time to learn more about your friend by asking about their interests and passions.
- When they sense you’re genuinely interested in their life, they will feel more comfortable opening up to you.
Enjoyment Spending time with a close friend brings you true joy. The thought of being together excites you, and each interaction is uplifting and energizing. A day spent with a friend can leave you feeling rejuvenated.
- Plan fun activities with your friend to create lasting memories.
- Consider going on a trip, exploring new restaurants, or discovering a shared hobby like cooking or hiking.
Growth A true friend inspires you to become the best version of yourself, supporting your personal development and ambitions. They cheer you on and help you strive toward your goals. Together, you challenge each other to grow and improve continuously.
- Assist one another in setting meaningful goals and motivate each other to stay on track.
- Be open to sharing your thoughts and accepting your friend’s advice and constructive criticism, knowing it’s meant to help you reach your dreams.
Gratitude A key aspect of friendship is showing appreciation for all the amazing things your friend has done for you. Reflecting on the many ways they’ve improved your life, it becomes clear that a true friend is irreplaceable and vital. It’s important to remind them of your gratitude regularly.
- Take the time to express your thanks. Whether it’s giving a thoughtful gift, treating them to a meal, or writing a heartfelt note, let your friend know how much they mean to you.
Independence Even the closest friendships benefit from a bit of space every now and then. The best friendships allow both individuals to maintain their independence while knowing they will always be there for each other when necessary.
- Take time to enjoy some solo time by pursuing personal interests, embarking on solo adventures, or discovering new hobbies.
- Don’t hesitate to communicate when you need space. A true friend will understand and pick up right where you left off once you’re ready to reconnect.
Reciprocity As the Greek philosophers emphasized, friendship and philia love thrive on mutual exchange. In a friendship, both people give as much as they receive. Respect, empathy, comfort, and compassion are just a few of the qualities that are equally shared by both individuals in a strong friendship.
- What matters most is that these actions are voluntary, done out of a genuine desire to care for the other person, not out of obligation.
- True philia love is demonstrated through kind acts done with a sincere wish to see the other person happy.
Philia Love in the Bible
Philia love is the broadest form of love discussed in the Bible. It encompasses brotherly love and the love one has for their neighbors. In this sense, philia love extends beyond friendships, including the love for family and others within the community. Notable passages in the Bible that reference philia love include:
- “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
- — Romans 12:10 ESV (English Standard Version)
- “Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another…”
- — 1 Thessalonians 4:9 ESV
- “Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling.”
- — 1 John 2:10 ESV
- “And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.”
- — 1 John 4:21 ESV
Other Varieties of Love
Eros (eh-rows) Often associated with what we consider romantic love, eros is driven by intense passion and desire, frequently taking a sexual form. This desire for physical closeness and intimacy is what differentiates eros from philia.
- Eros isn’t always returned, unlike philia love, where affection is typically mutual. A person may experience romantic feelings for another, but there’s no guarantee those feelings will be reciprocated.
Agape (uh-gaw-pay) Agape represents a profound love for humanity. In religious contexts, it’s often described as a love for God that extends to all people. It combines elements of eros and philia—a blend of passion and affection that’s unconditional and doesn’t require reciprocation.
Storge (store-gay) The love felt for family members is known as storge. Often, it’s thought of as the love parents have for their children. Storge is a natural, unconditional love that’s not based on judgment as we might see in eros or philia, but rather a sense of inherent connection with those closest to us.
Ludus (loo-dus) Ludus is a playful, often flirtatious form of love. Sometimes referred to as uncommitted love, it’s the type of affection seen in casual relationships where fun and excitement are prioritized over commitment. Ludus love is about enjoying the moment with no strings attached.
- While similar to eros in its passion and desire, ludus typically lacks the commitment that often accompanies eros.
Pragma (prag-muh) This type of love is driven by practicality and a sense of duty, often seen in long-term partnerships or arranged marriages. In these relationships, passion and desire may not be present, but the bond is sustained through mutual obligations and a deep commitment to one another.
Mania (main-ee-uh) Mania is an intense and obsessive form of love, marked by extreme infatuation. Those experiencing mania can become possessive and incredibly jealous of the person they’re infatuated with.
- Important note: Mania is also recognized as a medical condition that can cause drastic fluctuations in a person’s emotions, energy levels, and mood.
Philautia (fill-law-tee-uh) Philautia refers to self-love. This love can manifest in both healthy and unhealthy ways. Unhealthy philautia leads to an inflated sense of self-importance, while healthy self-love fosters confidence and a balanced sense of self-esteem.
- As Aristotle stated, nurturing self-love is essential for developing the deepest form of philia love and building genuine friendships.
