Buzz
Understanding a new guy's thoughts can be challenging in the early stages of a relationship. Instead of stressing over uncertainties, asking the right questions can help you uncover his true feelings and intentions.
Here are 11 insightful questions to help you figure out what he really wants.
Steps
Is this a date?
Clarify whether you're on a date or just hanging out. Sometimes, a guy might invite you out without specifying his intentions. Don’t hesitate to ask directly—it’s better to know upfront. If it’s a date, that’s fantastic! If not, you can still enjoy the outing without the pressure of deciphering his motives.
- For example, if he asks, "Do you want to grab drinks tomorrow night?" you could respond, "Sounds fun! Is this a date, or should I bring a friend?"
- Be cautious if he suggests meeting at his place or yours before an official date—it might indicate he’s only interested in something casual.
Are you seeing anyone else?
If exclusivity is unclear, don’t hesitate to ask him directly. After a few dates, if you’re curious about whether he’s dating others, just bring it up. If he’s not ready for commitment, he’ll let you know—but that doesn’t reflect on you. It simply means he might not be the right fit for you at this moment.
- Alternatively, you might discover he’s been waiting for the perfect moment to suggest being exclusive!
What do you look for in a partner?
Let him describe his ideal partner. This question works well early on when things are still casual. If his preferences align with your traits, it’s a strong sign of compatibility.
- Be realistic about his answers. If he says, "I value adventure and spontaneity," but you prefer cozy nights in and routine, you might not be a great match.
- If he responds, "I just want someone to have fun with," he’s likely seeking something casual. If that’s what you want too, enjoy the ride! But if you’re looking for something deeper, communicate that clearly.
- If he says, "I’m looking for someone honest, loving, and supportive," and that describes you perfectly, it’s a promising sign!
What do you want in a relationship right now?
Discuss his perspective on romance early in your conversations. Ensure you’re aligned on expectations, even before your first date. Most likely, he’ll be honest—just make sure you truly listen to his responses rather than hearing what you want to hear. Be clear about your own goals as well.
- If he says, "I’m just enjoying the moment," or "I’m not ready to settle down," he’s signaling he’s not interested in anything serious.
- If he mentions, "I’m keeping my options open until I meet the right person," it suggests he’s open to a deeper connection if things align.
- For a subtler approach, you could ask, "What’s your take on long-term relationships?"
- For a more straightforward question, try, "Are you interested in a committed relationship?"
What was your last relationship like?
Pay attention to whether he seems emotionally available. Moving on from a past relationship can be challenging, and it’s crucial to fully heal before starting something new. Avoid pressing for too many details—even a general summary can reveal how he deals with emotional setbacks.
- Notice how he describes his ex. If he’s overly critical, it might indicate he struggles to take accountability. Conversely, if he idolizes them, he might still have unresolved feelings.
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Take QuizSee More QuizzesDo you think you'll want kids someday?
Bring this up casually. You’re not asking for a commitment—just trying to understand if he envisions being a father in the future. Take his answer at face value. If he says no but you dream of having a family, it’s unrealistic to expect him to change his mind.
- If he already has kids, you could ask, "Would you consider having more children in the future?"
Do you want to go on vacation with me this summer?
Gauge his interest in future plans. After dating for a while, suggest a weekend getaway a few months ahead. If he hesitates, he might be unsure about your future together. However, if he’s enthusiastic, it’s a strong sign he sees you in his long-term plans!
- Avoid pressuring him to finalize details immediately. There’s time to sort out travel dates, expenses, and accommodations. Bringing up logistics too soon might make him feel overwhelmed, even if he’s excited about the trip.
How do you feel about me?
Ask for his thoughts after a few dates. Let him get to know you before inquiring about his feelings. A direct question like this can encourage him to share if he hasn’t already.
- If he’s serious, he’ll likely express it clearly. For example, he might say, "You’re incredible," "You mean a lot to me," or even, "I love you."
- If he’s unsure, his response might be vague, like, "You’re fun to be around," or "I enjoy spending time with you."
How do you feel about our relationship?
Use this question to gauge his perception of your compatibility. Relationships naturally have highs and lows, and it’s normal to wonder how your partner feels over time. Give him the opportunity to share openly—you might discover he feels more secure than you thought, even if you’ve been worried he’s distancing himself.
- Alternatively, he might express valid concerns about your dynamic. If so, take time to reflect on whether the relationship aligns with your needs and goals.
Where do you see this relationship heading?
Be direct about your intentions. If subtle hints aren’t working, ask him outright. Let him know you’re ready to clarify the direction of your relationship. You’re not committing to forever yet, but it’s important to ensure you’re both invested in making it work.
- You could also ask, "Do you envision a future with me?"
- For a less direct approach, try, "Would you consider marriage if you found the right person?"
Can I meet your mom?
Wait until you’ve been together for a while to bring this up. If he’s close to his mom, introducing you is a significant step—it usually means he sees you as more than a casual fling. However, let him take the lead on this. If you’ve been dating for months, asking can help clarify his feelings about your relationship.
- Keep in mind that various factors might influence this—like pre-existing relationships with his family, distance, or strained dynamics. Use your knowledge of his situation to assess how meaningful this step would be.
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While listening to his words is crucial, also observe his actions—they should align with what he says!
