What should you do when someone ignores your message?

Should you follow up with another message? It's definitely a tricky question. When you see that someone you care about has read your message but not responded, you might find yourself wondering if you should continue trying to engage in the conversation. Sometimes, we rush to conclude that someone is ignoring us, but in reality, they might just be busy! To help you determine whether the person is intentionally ignoring you or just unable to reply immediately, we've gathered a list of tips below. Keep reading to find out what to do when someone has seen your message but hasn't responded yet.

Wait at least 24 hours before sending another message. Unless your message was urgent, the person may have read it but didn't feel the need to reply immediately. Have you ever ignored a message because you were busy or simply didn’t feel like responding? Give the person a few hours or up to a day to respond before assuming the worst.

• If more than a day has passed, you can follow up and check in.

Remind them about your message without directly contacting them. If you and the other person follow each other on social media, you could post a story on Instagram or a status on Facebook knowing they'll see it. This will gently remind them of your message without the need for direct contact. Try posting something related to your message to jog their memory.

• Don’t post anything that directly targets them. Doing so could make things awkward.
• Make sure to post something positive to avoid making them feel guilty.
• For example, if you previously messaged about going on a hike, don't post, “Wish I had someone to go on a picnic with. 😢”
• Instead, try posting, “Can’t wait for the next picnic! 😍”

Create a lighthearted atmosphere with a playful joke. Depending on your relationship with the person, you might tease them for not responding. Just make sure it's playful and a bit flirty! Sometimes, joking around is a great way to keep the conversation flowing, even when there isn't much to say.

• For example, “Wow, you texted so fast! I almost couldn’t keep up. 😂”
• You could also try sending, “You must be so popular that you don’t have time to text me back, huh! 😱”
• If you feel like your previous message was a bit dry, own up to it and poke fun at yourself so they know you’re not taking yourself too seriously.
• Adjust your tone based on the other person’s sensitivity to humor.

Restart the conversation with something lighthearted. If you feel like you're waiting too long, the conversation might have reached a dead end, and the other person doesn’t know how to reply. After an appropriate amount of time, you can send a funny meme or an interesting question without bringing up the message they ignored, to continue the conversation.

• For example, if your last message was “What did you do last Friday?”, follow it up with “I just watched this crazy video that I have to send you!”
• If they reply this time, it means they’re still interested in talking. They might even explain why they didn’t respond to your previous message.
• You may also want to review your earlier message to see if it really needed a response!

Ask for clarification rather than jumping to conclusions. If you’re close enough that you can call them without worrying about upsetting them, ask why they read your message but didn’t respond. The best case scenario is that they’ll apologize and explain the reason. If they don’t reply, it might be best to give them some space until they’re ready to talk.

• Some people may not appreciate a direct question, so avoid this approach with someone you don’t know well.
• Use gentle but clear language.
• For example, you could try saying, “Hey, why didn’t you reply to me?”

Express your desires for future conversations. Be honest about how you feel so that both of you can discuss your expectations in the relationship going forward. Maybe the other person has a different communication style than you. Be open about your needs and talk with them about building a communication style that works for both of you.

• You should only have this conversation with someone you truly trust.
• You can’t expect the other person to understand what you want unless you tell them!
• For example, try starting the conversation with, “I feel really sad when you read my message but don’t reply.”
• Alternatively, you could say, “It feels like you’re ignoring me. Can we talk?”

Be sensitive to what they may be going through. It's possible that the reason they didn’t respond has nothing to do with you. They could be dealing with mental health challenges and have set boundaries for themselves. If you think this might be the case, don’t pressure them to reply. Instead, offer your support in your next message.

• This can be hard to gauge, but sometimes it's better to be cautious.
• You might take the opportunity to express that you're there for them if they ever need to talk about something serious.
• For example, you could say something like, “I’m thinking about you. Hope you’re doing okay.”
• Alternatively, try, “Hey, I noticed you read my message but didn’t reply. Just want you to know I’m here for you if you need anything.”

Keep your next message short and to the point. Bombarding the other person with multiple messages in quick succession can make you seem desperate or anxious. After waiting an appropriate amount of time, be sure to keep your next message brief. You don’t want to overwhelm them!

• Generally, aim to keep your message to no more than two lines.
• If you're not particularly close with the person, make sure your messages are proportionate to the frequency of their replies. This will help you keep the balance of communication.

Send a third message only if you need to ask why they’re staying silent. If you’ve already sent a follow-up and still haven’t heard from them, wait at least 7 days before reaching out again. A week of silence could motivate them to reconnect if they want to continue the conversation. If they still don’t reply after a week, you can send one last message letting them know you won’t be trying any longer.

• You might even choose to remain silent and wait for them to make the first move.
• If you’re sure you didn’t do anything wrong, remind yourself that you deserve a response!
• For instance, you could say, “This is the last time I’m reaching out. Seriously.”

Spend time with people who don’t ignore your messages. It can be discouraging when someone you’re trying to reach out to ignores your messages. Instead of isolating yourself, turn to those who care about you for support. Together, you can make plans to help take your mind off the person who’s not responding and find new things to look forward to.

• Meeting up with friends and doing things you enjoy is a healthier alternative to sitting in front of the TV or endlessly scrolling through social media!

Reflect on whether this has become a recurring pattern. At some point, you may need to think about whether you want to give this person another chance. Remember, they might not be ‘the one’ for you. There are plenty of others out there who would appreciate your time and effort!

• This is especially important if you’ve just started talking with them.
• You might not want to give up on a relationship that’s already developed, but would you want to keep investing in it if they keep ignoring you?

Understand that you deserve better and move on. If you’ve already given them time to respond, messaged them a second, or even a third time, you’ve likely done all you can. At some point, you’ll have to face the reality: this person isn’t willing to invest their time or energy in you. Don’t waste any more time on them.

• This is especially important to consider if you’ve only recently started talking with them!