Buzz
When the guy you have feelings for has distanced himself, leaving you feeling hurt, disappointed, and sad. However, you might feel even more confused when he comes back and starts showing interest in you. Right now, you’re probably asking yourself, "What does he want from me?" We’ll provide you with answers through the guidelines below to help you navigate what to do when a guy who was once indifferent toward you now returns.
Steps
Reasons why a guy may distance himself from you
He doesn’t know what he wants. Indecisiveness is a big issue for guys who aren’t fully mature. This situation can be quite tricky – studies show that when you’re unsure of someone’s feelings for you, you tend to obsess over them and find them even more attractive.
- Some guys take advantage of the allure of ambiguity. If he’s deliberately distant to make you fall for him, then he’s playing a cat-and-mouse game with you. You deserve to be treated with more respect.
He temporarily needs some space. Whether due to work or family matters, many people struggle to balance love and other responsibilities at the same time. If this is the case, he may still care for you but is dealing with a lot of pressure on his own. Withdrawing from others is a common reaction when someone is stressed, so don’t overthink his decision.
- Of course, you don’t want to wait forever, so if two weeks have passed without him reaching out, try to move on. If he contacts you afterward, once things are more settled, you can decide whether to welcome him back.
What to do when he returns
Ask why he distanced himself in the first place. Your emotions deserve respect, so you are entitled to an explanation of why he ignored you. This conversation might help you understand his motivations for returning – does he truly want something from you, is he lonely, or is he still unsure about his feelings? Approach him calmly, without sounding accusatory, and ask these questions:
- “I haven’t heard from you in a while. Is everything okay?”
- “It feels like we stopped talking. What made you want to meet now?”
Take time to listen to yourself. You don’t have to respond right away when he reaches out – if he truly cares about you, he’ll understand and be there when you’re ready. It’s better to show him that you’re not anxiously waiting for his messages. Take some time to care for yourself so that you can handle the situation with a calm mind.
- Everyone has their own way of self-care. Keep a balanced routine with exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep, and make sure to carve out some time for yourself.
- You could try meditation or mindfulness practices to enhance your emotional regulation.
Think about your relationship rationally. Studies show that decisions made from the head rather than the heart tend to yield better long-term results. Take some time to reflect on whether you want to give this guy another chance. You might want to confide in a trusted friend – sometimes an outside perspective can be helpful because they are not clouded by emotions.
- Try writing down your feelings about him – what kind of relationship do you want with him, and does it seem promising? What are the things that match and don’t match between the two of you?
Give him another chance
Show understanding. If he was previously overwhelmed with other things, he might feel guilty about reaching out to you. Let him know that you understand the reasons behind his distance, so he feels more at ease reconnecting with you. Be empathetic about his struggles, but keep it brief and to the point – you don’t have to dismiss your own hurt feelings. You could say something like:
- “I understand – life happens. I’m glad we’re reconnecting.”
- “I hope things at work are going better for you. I’m really happy we’re talking again. I’d like to get to know you better.”
Set boundaries and stick to them. You need to avoid falling into the same cycle where he disappears and then returns whenever he feels like it. Let him know that you’re giving him another chance, but if he can’t commit, you’ll move on. You can say something like:
- “I’m glad we reconnected, but I have to be honest – I don’t want to waste my time. If you disappear again, I won’t wait around.”
- “I really like you and want to give you another chance. But I don’t want to play games with my feelings, so if we break up again, it’s best to end it for good.”
