What to do when your girlfriend is upset

It’s never fun when the person you care about the most is angry with you, but don't worry, you'll get through it. Conflicts and disagreements occasionally arise between couples, and it's completely normal – even in healthy relationships! If you're looking for ways to make things right with your girlfriend, we're here to help. From small gestures to grand declarations of love, this article will guide you on how to bring things back to normal as soon as possible.

If she says she needs some time alone, respect her wishes. Right now, your girlfriend is upset, but she'll likely calm down in a few hours or a couple of days. Your first instinct might be to fix things as soon as possible by addressing the issue immediately. However, she may not be ready yet, so if she needs space to breathe, it’s best to listen to her.

• This can also be beneficial for you, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. It gives you time to reflect and think about how you want to approach the conversation with her.
• Feeling down is completely normal, even if you know you’ve made a mistake. Don’t be too hard on yourself – everyone makes mistakes!
• On the other hand, if you need space while she wants to resolve things now, you can say, “I’m sorry for making you upset. I want to fix this, but I need some time to think things over. I feel this is the right approach. I’m not avoiding you or trying to shut you out.”

Set aside your pride and take a step back. It's easy to become defensive, frustrated, or indifferent when the other person is angry, especially if you think their anger is unjustified. However, people rarely get angry without a reason, and reacting defensively won’t help. Try to see the situation from her point of view and be honest with yourself about your actions. This is much easier if you acknowledge (both to yourself and to her) any faults on your part.

• If you truly believe you’re not at fault, you have two options. You can try sitting down and explaining why you think you’re right, or simply apologize as though you were at fault, even if you don't think you are.
• If you’ve tried but still can’t figure out why she’s upset, take a walk to clear your mind. Often, it's difficult to fully understand your actions when you're still upset, so a little break can help you approach things with a clearer perspective.

Don’t just apologize to move past the situation – you need to express genuine regret. Look her in the eye and admit that you know you did something wrong, and don’t try to blame her. If you need to explain why you acted the way you did, feel free to do so, but don’t try to lessen your fault. Answer her questions honestly. If she’s still upset, ask her what you can do to make things right.

• If there’s a significant time gap between when you first argued and when you’re talking again, you might consider writing a heartfelt apology.
• Even if you think she also played a role in the situation, now is not the time to argue about that. Focus on resolving the issue first, and analyze things later when both of you are calm.

Try to stay quiet and listen if she needs to vent, even though it might be uncomfortable. You don't have to tolerate abusive behavior or anything of the sort, but if your girlfriend feels the need to complain, cry, or yell a little, let her release her anger. While this may not be the healthiest way to handle negative emotions, she needs to let off steam to calm down. Try not to take it personally.

• Whatever you do, remember not to shout back at her because she's shouting at you. This will only escalate the argument. If your goal is to reconcile, you should let her vent.
• If she raises her voice but sees you calmly nodding and saying, “I understand,” she might realize she has overdone it and stop.

You can either fix the original issue or do something else for her. If she’s upset because you always forget to do the dishes, go ahead and do the dishes. But if she’s upset over something you can’t undo (like harsh words that can't be taken back), do something to show her that you acknowledge your mistake. If you’re unsure what to do, just ask her!

• You could say, “What can I do right now to make things right? I feel terrible and want you to know how much you mean to me. What can I do to show that?”
• If you forgot a date night or something similar, try saying, “I messed up, didn’t I? How about next week I take you out? I have a great plan for us to change the pace. I’ll make it up to you.”

Prove that you’re on the same page by not repeating the same mistake. She will only remain upset if you don’t show that you've learned from the conflict. If she’s upset because you didn’t call for two days in a row, start calling her every night when you’re apart. If she’s angry because you don’t help with the chores, set a reminder on your phone to wash the dishes, take out the trash, or clean up. You’ve apologized to her, now show her you're sincere!

• It might take some time to convince her. One gesture might not immediately win her over, but with persistence and genuine effort, she will forgive you.

Apart from the serious conversation, do something to make her laugh or blush. You know her best, so if she enjoys sweet compliments, say something truly romantic that you come up with. If she prefers sincere remarks, tone it down a little. Do anything that will make her smile happily, reminding her that you both share joyful moments.

• If you attempt to do something to make her laugh but she turns away or seems uninterested, let it go and don’t push it.

Physical contact is a powerful way to make up. Once she seems to have calmed down, you can either hug her or ask, “Can I give you a hug?” Wrap your arms around her and hold her close. If she likes, you can lift her slightly. Hugs have been scientifically proven to help ease conflicts, and the feeling of your arms around her will make her feel much better.

• Again, if you ask for a hug and she’s not interested, just let it go. Forcing someone to do something they don’t want to do will not help.

Once the conflict is resolved, playful comments can help lighten the mood and make it easier to reconcile. This approach works best if the disagreement wasn’t about something too significant. If the issue was a sensitive topic that made her upset, a light joke might help ease the tension. But, if the damage is already done, it could escalate things further.

• For example, if she's upset because you didn't post a photo of the two of you together on Facebook, after making amends, you could say, 'I’ll need to let our Facebook friends know about this photo.'
• If your girlfriend is angry because you didn’t notice her new hairstyle, you could smile and comment, 'Did you get your eyebrows done?'
• Be mindful of how she feels when joking. This might be risky if she's sensitive or doesn’t share your sense of humor.

Occasional arguments in relationships are normal, but if there's something to learn, both of you need to reflect on it together. Looking back on the situation after a few days or weeks can be helpful if you’re not yet on good terms but there’s a lesson to be learned. When things have calmed down, you can ask if she’s open to revisiting what happened. It could lead to a productive conversation.

• You might ask, 'Hey, do you mind talking about the argument we had?' or 'Can we discuss how to handle conflicts better when we’re upset?'

If you’ve made a major mistake, it might take time for everything to return to normal. You can’t control her emotions, but you can show her that you genuinely want to change. Don’t get discouraged if she’s upset with you, and continue proving that you deserve her trust by being the best boyfriend possible. If another argument happens, keep apologizing and allow her to express her feelings.

• If the disagreement was about another girl or a serious matter, she might take longer to get over it (and that’s understandable). Don’t object if she wants to check your social media accounts or ask who you spend your free time with.
• It’s obvious that you should proactively avoid actions that upset her in the first place. If she’s angry because you spent a large sum from your joint account on a new car, in the future, don’t make expensive purchases without consulting her first.