What to Do When Your Girlfriend Lies to You?

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Give her an opportunity to confess the truth.

Ask a simple, innocent question about the lie.

Confront her directly if she doesn’t come clean.

Ask her why she felt the need to deceive you.

Focus on rebuilding trust if your relationship is lacking it.

Offer reassurance if her lying stems from her past experiences.

Address feelings of jealousy if her lie came from fear.

Focus on rebuilding trust if she lied due to shame.

Choose to forgive her if you want to move forward.

Ensure she’s not continuing to lie to you.

Think about ending the relationship if the lies continue.

Overcome Betrayal and Find Healing with This Expert Guide

It’s never easy to catch someone in a lie, especially when it’s someone you love and trust deeply. If you’ve discovered that your girlfriend has lied to you, it can leave you feeling uncertain about what steps to take next. In this article, we explore how to approach the situation and how you can move forward with your relationship after facing this challenge.

Steps

Give her an opportunity to confess the truth.

It’s important to let her admit the lie in her own time. Rather than accusing her outright, approach her calmly and allow her the space to confess. If she admits the truth on her own, it shows she is likely feeling guilty about her actions and may avoid repeating the mistake.

You could say something like, “I’d like to ask you about where you were yesterday” or “There’s something I need clarification on from our conversation earlier.”
People with a guilty conscience will often come clean quickly, while habitual liars may never own up to their deceit, even if pressured.

Ask a simple, innocent question about the lie.

Allow your girlfriend to admit the lie by posing thoughtful questions. Rather than confronting her aggressively, begin with a subtle question. The goal isn’t to pressure her but to prompt her to reconsider her lie without feeling cornered. By keeping things light, you create an opening for honesty without making her feel attacked. You might say something like:

“What time did you have lunch yesterday?”
“You spent time with Amanda yesterday? How’s she been?”
“I hope you had a great shopping trip. Which stores did you visit?”

Confront her directly if she doesn’t come clean.

If she refuses to admit the lie, let her know you’re aware of the truth. If you have evidence, share it with her; if not, calmly assert that you know what happened. Avoid raising your voice or sounding accusatory—state the truth matter-of-factly, making it harder for her to deny. The purpose is not to argue, but to communicate that you’re aware of her deception. You might say:

“There’s no point in continuing the lie. I already know what happened yesterday.”
“That’s not the truth.”

Ask her why she felt the need to deceive you.

Sometimes people lie because they’re feeling insecure about something. While lying is never acceptable, understanding why your girlfriend lied might help you make sense of the situation, especially if there was a genuine reason behind it. Ask her why she felt the need to lie, and then discuss why lying is still wrong. You might ask:

“What made you feel you needed to lie about that? Did you think I’d be upset if you were hanging out with a guy alone?”
“I don’t understand why you felt the need to lie. You know you can tell me anything.”

Focus on rebuilding trust if your relationship is lacking it.

Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. If your girlfriend’s lie has shaken your faith in her, it’s crucial to work on rebuilding that trust. You can start by encouraging her to be open and truthful, even about the little things.

A great way to rebuild trust is through complete honesty in every aspect of your lives. If your girlfriend wants to regain your trust, she should be open about everything, including minor details like parking tickets, awkward situations, and the mundane aspects of her day that she might usually leave out.
Rebuilding trust also involves letting go of any lingering anger. If you’re still upset over her lie, it’s important to address those feelings first and see if you can work through them together.
Reader Poll: We surveyed 138 Mytour readers who’ve dealt with dishonesty in relationships, and 55% of them believe that the key to rebuilding trust is open and honest communication. [Take Poll]

Offer reassurance if her lying stems from her past experiences.

Sometimes, people lie because of past experiences. For instance, she might have been in a relationship where even small mistakes triggered huge emotional reactions. Alternatively, past trauma such as being cheated on may make it difficult for her to trust others. If this is the case, have an open conversation about your feelings. Let her know you’re not like the people she’s dated before, and work together to rebuild trust.

Past trauma can be tough to overcome. If needed, you might encourage her to speak to a counselor to get professional support in dealing with her emotions.

Address feelings of jealousy if her lie came from fear.

Your girlfriend may have lied because she feared making you jealous. This often happens if someone has been in a past relationship where their partner was controlling or overly jealous. Even if you’re not the jealous type or wouldn’t react angrily, she may have assumed that you would. If that’s the case, you can discuss her past experiences and help her work through her fear together.

For example, she might have lied about spending time with a male friend because she believed you’d be upset by it.

Focus on rebuilding trust if she lied due to shame.

At times, people lie to cover up something they feel ashamed of. If your girlfriend lied about something she’s embarrassed by, like smoking or drinking after promising to quit, reassure her that she can be honest with you about anything. Sharing some of your own imperfections may also help her feel more comfortable.

If you’re in the early stages of your relationship, her lie might be a way of protecting herself, fearing you wouldn’t accept her flaws if she came clean.

Choose to forgive her if you want to move forward.

It may take time, but forgiveness is possible. Depending on the severity of the lie, you might need some space to reflect and determine whether you can move past it. If you feel ready, choose to forgive her and focus on repairing your relationship. You may also need to address underlying issues together before making the decision to forgive.

It may seem counterintuitive, but forgiveness is a conscious decision. You can choose to forgive by letting go of the past and releasing any lingering anger.
Forgiveness is a deeply personal process, and it doesn’t need to happen immediately. Let her know if you need some time to decide whether or not you can forgive her.

Ensure she’s not continuing to lie to you.

If necessary, verify her story or ask for proof. Even if you’ve forgiven her, you don’t have to forget what happened. If the lie was significant or threatened your relationship, it’s okay to check whether she’s being truthful. You don’t need to overdo it or demand proof for every little thing, but you’re entitled to remain cautious until she regains your trust.

For example, if she previously lied about her spending habits, you might want to review her bank statements.

Think about ending the relationship if the lies continue.

For many, lying is a deal breaker. If your girlfriend persists in lying and you feel that trust is irreparably damaged, it might be time to walk away from the relationship. This is a major decision, and there’s no rush to make it. However, you shouldn’t stay in a relationship where trust is consistently broken.

Compulsive liars often need professional help to address their behavior. If your girlfriend is one of them, she may need to seek therapy before she can truly stop lying to you.