Buzz
After arriving home from your first date, you might be wondering when to text the other person to share your feelings. If you're waiting for him to message you, it's natural to feel a mix of excitement and nervousness. While there are no strict rules about when to send (or receive) a text, there are some guidelines on when to reach out, regardless of how the date went. We’ll answer your questions about when to text, what might happen if you’re waiting for a message, and provide examples to help you craft the perfect text!
Steps
When to send a text
If everything went well, send a text within an hour after the date. Texting is quick and convenient, so don’t keep the other person waiting. If you want to see them again, message early to let them know you enjoyed their company. Take some time to reflect on how the date went and ask yourself if you were happy being around them.
- For example, you could say, “Hey again! Tonight was amazing! I had such a great time.”
- Another example: “Just wanted to let you know I really enjoyed meeting you! It was so nice getting to know you. Let’s plan to meet up again soon?”
- Trust your instincts after the date. If you felt happy being with them, let them know.
If you're unsure about your feelings, wait a day or two. It's okay if you're not sure how you feel about the other person after the first date. Take the rest of the day and the next to reflect on how the date went. Ask yourself if you enjoyed their company, found them attractive, and if the conversation flowed naturally. If you decide to reach out, let them know how you feel.
- For example, if you had a good time, you could say, 'Hey, sorry for texting a bit late. Just wanted to say I had a great time last night. You’re so funny! I’d love to get to know you more. Let’s plan dinner soon?'
- Another example: If you don’t want to see them again, you could text, 'It was nice meeting you last night, but I don’t think we’re the right match.'
- Recall their body language during the date. If they seemed fidgety, avoided eye contact, or kept their distance, they might be just as unsure as you are.
Ignore the '3-day rule.' You might have heard about waiting three days after a date to contact the other person, but this rule seems outdated. It can leave the other person wondering if you actually like them or if you're just playing games. Sending a text is quick, so go ahead and message them as soon as you know how you feel.
- You might worry about coming on too strong by texting sooner, but it’s better to express your feelings honestly rather than holding back.
Don’t wait longer than a week if you want to keep things going. While it’s good to take time to process your feelings, a week is a long time to keep someone waiting. Even if you don’t want a second date, it’s respectful to let them know within a few days after the first one.
- While you’re hesitating, the other person might think you’re not interested, ignoring them, or playing mind games.
When to wait for a text
If you don’t want to wait, just text him first. You might think men should make the first move, but don’t hesitate to take the lead! If you enjoyed the date or want to keep the conversation going, reach out and let him know. He might appreciate you taking the initiative and easing the pressure of figuring out what to say.
- For example, you could say, 'Hey! I had to tell you how much fun I had at mini-golf yesterday! Thanks for taking me there 😊'
Wait until the end of the day if the date went well. If both of you had a great time, he might text you a few hours after the first date. Keep an eye on your messages, but don’t be too disappointed if you don’t hear from him right away. He might be thinking about how to craft the perfect message, or he could just be busy.
- He might also wait until late evening to mention the date and wish you goodnight, so you’ll think of him before bed.
Wait 3 days after the first date for him to respond if he’s the traditional type. While not as common anymore, some guys still follow the '3-day rule' before reaching out. They believe waiting a few days makes them seem less eager and more comfortable when they finally text. Though waiting can be frustrating, give him a few days to message, or you can text him first.
- Your guy might be busy with something, so don’t be too harsh if he takes a few days to reply.
Forget about him if he goes silent for a week. It’s disappointing when a guy disappears after a date. He might be playing games or just not that into you. While it might sting a little, remember you deserve someone who enjoys talking to you rather than leaving you guessing. Give yourself enough time before moving on to the next date.
How to craft your text
Start your text with something that made you smile during the date. If you had a great time on your first date, don’t hesitate to let them know right away. Think about the fun and memorable moments from the date and bring them up in your message. Mention specific details to show you enjoyed their company and want to see them again.
- For example, you could say, 'I had such an amazing time at dinner tonight. Your stories had me laughing nonstop!'
- Another example: 'Tonight was so much fun. I can’t believe you beat me in the FINAL round of bowling. Still, I had a blast cheering you on! 😉'
- Another example: 'Thanks for taking me to the movie! It was so good. We definitely need to talk about that ending! I still can’t believe you guessed what was going to happen!'
Suggest a second date within 2 weeks if you want to see them again. Instead of just texting, you can plan the next date to keep the momentum going. Reach out early in the week if you’re aiming for a weekend date so neither of you feels rushed or pressured.
- For example: 'Last night was amazing. Would you like to meet up again this Friday evening?'
- Another example: 'I really enjoyed meeting you the other day and would love to get to know you more. I know this cute café. Would you like to check it out this Thursday?'
- Another example: 'Lunch with you yesterday was so much fun. I’d love to see you again for dinner. How about this Friday night?'
Check in with them to keep the conversation going before the next date. If you want to learn more about the other person, keep the conversations alive to maintain the connection. Keep things natural between dates by asking how their day is going or inquiring about their interests. Try to learn as much as you can about them to nurture and grow the relationship when you’re not together.
- For example, you could say, 'Hey, how’s your day going?' or 'Hi, how are you doing?'
- Some great questions to ask include, 'What’s your favorite book?' or 'What’s your dream job?'
- If they don’t reply to your message, wait about 4 hours before texting again. This gently reminds them of the conversation without seeming too pushy.
Politely decline if you don’t want to see them again. Unfortunately, not every date works out. If you don’t feel a connection, let them know early to avoid giving false hope. Be honest about your feelings, but use kind words to avoid hurting them. After sending the message, give them space and avoid texting them again.
- For example, you could say, 'It was nice meeting you, but I don’t think we’re a good match. Thanks for understanding.'
- Another example: 'You’re a great person, but I think we’re better off as friends. Thanks for understanding.'
- You could also say, 'Hi Phong. Thanks for dinner last night, but I think it’s best if we see other people. I appreciate the good time we had.'
Tips
- Remember that some people aren’t big texters. If you don’t get a reply right away, they might just be busy and will respond later.
- Continue meeting in person to get to know them better rather than just texting, as it helps build a stronger and more intimate connection.
Warnings
- Avoid saying anything too clingy or suggestive early on, as it might make the other person uncomfortable.
