Buzz
Exploring the shift in modern dating
You might be ready to meet someone new, but sometimes the dating world can feel overwhelming. Don’t worry—you’re definitely not alone in feeling burnt out after too many dates (or even none at all). But why does dating seem so tough these days? And is there a way to improve it? We’ve got all the answers for you below. Keep reading for expert advice on meeting new people and finding happiness in love.
This article features insights from our dating coach, John Keegan. Read the full interview here.
Key Insights
- Many find dating challenging due to the impersonal nature of dating apps and the overwhelming number of options available.
- Dating can also be tricky because it's often unclear what the other person truly wants from the relationship (and whether they’re being honest about it).
- To make the process easier, be clear about your expectations from the start so both you and your date are aligned from the beginning.
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Why is Modern Dating So Challenging?
It’s difficult to understand what others are truly seeking. When you go on a date, you likely know exactly what you're looking for—whether it's a long-term relationship or just a casual fling. The process becomes complicated when you meet someone who's either unsure of their intentions or not transparent about what they want. It can be really disheartening to develop feelings for someone only to realize that your goals don’t align.
- Have you ever had a few dates with someone and imagined a future together, only to discover they weren’t interested in anything serious? That kind of letdown can really impact your outlook on dating.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 602 Mytour readers about their romantic goals, and only 8% said they enjoyed casual dating without seeking long-term connections. [Take Poll] So, if you're feeling frustrated with dating, you're not alone!
You might be putting too much pressure on yourself to find 'the one.' Many people approach their first date with the hope of meeting the love of their life. But if the date turns out to be mediocre (or worse), that expectation can lead to significant disappointment.
- While there’s no definitive statistic on how many dates it takes to meet your forever partner, common sense tells us that the first person you meet probably won’t be the one.
The sheer number of dating options can be overwhelming. Having so many options might sound ideal, but it can be paralyzing. Whether it's through dating apps, social media, or your own network, the number of potential matches can seem endless. Choosing one person from all those options can be daunting and make the whole dating experience feel even more frustrating.
- This is why many Americans believe that dating is harder today than it was 10 or 15 years ago.
Dating apps can make the whole process feel impersonal. Ah, dating apps: some days you love them, some days you don’t. While they provide the chance to meet others, their impersonal nature makes it hard to form a true connection. Swiping right doesn't exactly give you the feeling that you're searching for your soulmate, does it?
- Moreover, dating apps can encourage shallow judgments. Since we tend to match based on first impressions, we often base our decisions on physical appearance rather than someone's personality.
PRO TIP
John Keegan
Dating Expert
Dating Expert
Dating apps can alter how we view love. These apps often present us with endless options, foster short-term relationships, and encourage a constant search for the next 'better' match. To build meaningful connections, approach online dating with an open mind and take the time to truly understand someone beyond just their profile image.
Social media creates unrealistic expectations. We all know that people tend to share only the highlights of their lives on social media. Still, it can be discouraging to scroll through and see posts of other couples appearing to live their best lives. This fear of missing out (FOMO) on a perfect relationship can increase pressure on your own dating journey.
- If social media makes you feel down, you're not alone—1/3 of single people in the U.S. report feeling worse about themselves when seeing posts from happy couples.
Staying safe while online dating is a valid concern. With the growing popularity of dating apps and social media, it's easier than ever to meet strangers with limited knowledge about them. Additionally, online dating can sometimes lead to receiving unwanted explicit messages, photos, or falling victim to catfishing.
- Research shows that 57% of women and 35% of men have faced harassment while dating online.
Some people ghost others instead of saying goodbye. Ghosting—disappearing without responding to messages or offering any explanation—has become increasingly common in today’s dating world. Rather than politely declining further dates, some people simply cut off all communication. This can be painful and confusing, especially when you believed you had a genuine connection with the person.
- It’s crucial to understand that when someone ghosts you, it reflects poorly on them, not on you.
Society often pressures you to settle down. Although this societal expectation is evolving, many young people still feel the pressure. We live in a heteronormative society that assumes young adults will find a partner, buy a house, and start a family. This can add unnecessary stress if you're single or following a different path in life.
- Gender roles also come into play in modern dating. While some prefer to stick to traditional roles, others aim to challenge or redefine them.
Mytour Quiz: Are You Ready for a Relationship?
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Overcoming Challenges in Dating
Be clear about your intentions from the start. To avoid confusion or potential disappointment later, take the time to understand what you’re looking for and communicate that with your dates. Dating platforms like Hinge and Tinder offer sections in profiles where you can state your relationship goals.
- If you’re just interested in something casual, you might say, “Looking for someone fun to hang out with.”
- If you’re more interested in a serious, long-term commitment, you could share, “I’m seeking people who I can envision a future with.”
Keep your expectations low on the first date. When meeting someone new, don’t walk in expecting them to be ‘the one.’ Instead, think of it as meeting a potential new friend: go out, have fun, and discover more about one another. Without the pressure, you may end up having a relaxed and enjoyable experience with your date.
Don’t overbook your dating schedule. With so many people to meet, it can be easy to get caught up in a whirlwind of dates. Instead of saying yes to every potential match, take a step back and assess whether you see a genuine connection with them. This can help you focus on quality over quantity and avoid feeling overwhelmed by the number of singles available.
- If you’ve had a good chat and share common interests, it’s probably worth setting up a date.
- If you don’t know them well or notice deal-breakers (like someone not liking dogs!), it’s likely not worth investing your time.
- Also consider their values. If they differ significantly from yours, it’s probably not going to lead to lasting success.
Don’t let dating apps consume all your time. With apps like Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder available at your fingertips, it can feel like a full-time job to keep up with swiping and messaging. If you’re getting burnt out, set a time limit for yourself each day (or week) to avoid obsessing over finding your next match.
- Consider limiting yourself to 15 minutes of swipe time per day or an hour per week.
- If you're juggling multiple apps, you might find it easier to focus on just one to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Take a break from social media. Whether it’s Instagram, Facebook, or any other platform, spending too much time on social media can leave you drained. Consider removing the apps from your phone or temporarily deactivating your accounts. This break doesn’t have to be permanent—try it for a few days or weeks and see how you feel. If you find you enjoy the break, you might decide to quit social media for good.
- If you’re not ready to fully disconnect, consider unfollowing accounts that make you feel bad.
Do some research before meeting someone. Let’s say you’ve found a potential date, but before saying yes to meeting up, take a moment to Google their name. Can you find their social media profiles? Do they seem like a legitimate person? Always do your due diligence before meeting in person and let a friend or family member know your plans, including where you're going and when you'll be back.
- If you’re concerned about their photos being fake, use a reverse Google image search to see if the pictures appear elsewhere. If they do, you might have just found a catfish.
Let go of people who ghost you. Ghosting, when someone disappears without explanation, is often a way to avoid confrontation. If someone you’ve gone on a couple of dates with suddenly stops texting, don’t take it personally—just move on. It’s important not to dwell on people who don’t respect you.
- If someone you’ve been dating for a while (a few months, for example) ghosts you, consider sending one final message to close things properly.
Surround yourself with people who have your back. You don’t need anyone dictating your life choices. The key is to spend time with individuals who accept and support you, whether you choose to remain single or are uncertain about having children. This way, you can shut out societal expectations and focus on your own happiness.
How to Find Dates
Engage in activities that interest you and meet new people. If connecting with others is challenging, look for clubs or groups that align with your interests. Join local hobby clubs or sports leagues and put yourself out there to interact with new people. You never know who you’ll meet during a fun activity.
- Facebook or your local Nextdoor page might be good places to search for clubs and events near you.
Strike up conversations when you're out and about. Countless couples have met in unexpected places like grocery stores or coffee shops. Stay open to engaging with those around you. Offer a casual comment, give a compliment, or simply introduce yourself and see where it leads!
- Waiting at the DMV? Make a light-hearted remark to the person next to you about the wait.
- Out for a walk in the park? Compliment someone’s dog and ask if you can pet it.
EXPERT ADVICE
John Keegan
Dating Specialist
Dating Specialist
Push yourself to cultivate real relationships through face-to-face engagements. Rather than getting caught up in superficial online chats, consider starting meaningful dialogues or meeting up in person to form a stronger, more genuine connection.
Invest in self-growth. Even while actively pursuing connections, it's crucial to continue evolving as an individual. Reflect on your qualities that might attract a potential partner, and think about how you can improve or develop them further. Dedicate time to discovering new things, enrolling in courses, or contributing to your community. This way, you'll have rich and exciting topics to discuss when you meet someone special.
- You could master a new language, dive into a new sport, or explore a new hobby.
Participate in the Conversation...
I'm in my late 20s and haven't been in a serious relationship yet. I'm feeling exhausted and frustrated. I don't know where to meet people and struggle with talking to new people. Should I just give up on trying?
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Psychotherapist
Being single isn't a sign of failure! It's an opportunity to learn to love and appreciate yourself, so that when you eventually enter a relationship, you're not relying on the other person for your happiness. It’s essential to be at peace with who you are. That could involve reconnecting with things you love, diving back into hobbies, or making a habit of listing the things you love about yourself. These practices are essential for self-love and contentment.
However, there are two perspectives on this. Many singles don’t want to be single, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s simply your current phase, so how can you make the most of it? Think about what you can do as a single person that would be challenging as part of a couple, and embrace those opportunities. For instance, if traveling solo excites you, go for it! Relish the positives of your single life. The right partner will come along when the time is right.
However, there are two perspectives on this. Many singles don’t want to be single, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s simply your current phase, so how can you make the most of it? Think about what you can do as a single person that would be challenging as part of a couple, and embrace those opportunities. For instance, if traveling solo excites you, go for it! Relish the positives of your single life. The right partner will come along when the time is right.
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Dating Coach
The biggest reason for being single today is the overwhelming number of distractions. With apps like TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, and more, people’s attention is pulled in countless directions. These platforms create the illusion that we’re connecting with others socially and romantically, but it rarely leads to actual meetings. It’s all too often just a virtual exchange.
Additionally, social media often projects unrealistic and hypersexualized content that distorts our perceptions of life and relationships. Instead, we should focus on the simple joys: meeting someone who gets you, having a good conversation, sharing a walk, enjoying a coffee together, planning your future, and doing things that don't require the complexities they used to.
In today’s society, people aren’t bound to a single location anymore. Travel and remote work make relationships harder to maintain. The sheer number of options available online can also complicate real connections. A beautiful woman might get countless offers to travel the world due to her social media presence. Once she meets a real person, it's harder to connect because she's distracted by so many choices. The idea of a traditional relationship might no longer appeal when faced with endless different possibilities.
Additionally, social media often projects unrealistic and hypersexualized content that distorts our perceptions of life and relationships. Instead, we should focus on the simple joys: meeting someone who gets you, having a good conversation, sharing a walk, enjoying a coffee together, planning your future, and doing things that don't require the complexities they used to.
In today’s society, people aren’t bound to a single location anymore. Travel and remote work make relationships harder to maintain. The sheer number of options available online can also complicate real connections. A beautiful woman might get countless offers to travel the world due to her social media presence. Once she meets a real person, it's harder to connect because she's distracted by so many choices. The idea of a traditional relationship might no longer appeal when faced with endless different possibilities.
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