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A detailed guide to the reasons moving on can be challenging, along with practical strategies to help you move forward and heal.
Breaking up can be incredibly tough, and it often takes more time than we expect to heal. But even if it feels impossible right now, recovery is achievable. If you're still struggling to get over your ex, even after weeks or months have passed, understanding the reasons behind it may help you finally move on. Let’s explore what might be keeping you stuck and discover tips for overcoming each challenge.
This article is based on an insightful interview with Kirsten Thompson, certified psychiatrist and clinical instructor, founder of Remedy Psychiatry. Click here for the full interview.
Key Points to Remember
- If you continue to see your ex frequently, whether in person or on social media, it can make it harder to move on. Loneliness may also be a factor in keeping you attached.
- Often, we tend to romanticize our exes and forget about the reasons why the relationship ended, focusing only on the good moments.
- If your relationship was toxic, you might find it harder to regain your self-worth or sense of identity.
- Moving on can be tough if you haven’t fully processed your emotions or let go of the past.
Actionable Steps to Move Forward
You continue to see your ex in person or online.
Constant reminders of your ex make it harder to move on. Whether you still interact with your ex directly or keep up with their social media activity, seeing them after a breakup can intensify your emotional pain. It’s a reminder of what you lost, and it can also reignite hope for reconciliation, which only complicates moving on.
- If you want to remain friends with your ex, it’s possible to make that work, but right after a breakup, it’s important to follow the no-contact rule for at least a month. Learn more about the no-contact rule.
- Taking time for yourself is crucial to getting over your ex. It’s natural to miss them, but having space is one of the most effective ways to heal and move forward.
- Consider blocking, unfollowing, or muting your ex on social media. This reduces the temptation to reach out and helps you avoid constant reminders of their presence.
- Reader Poll: We asked 660 Mytour readers how they handle social media after a breakup. 50% of them said they block their ex and set their profiles to private. [Take Poll]
You feel lonely and dislike being single.
The fear of loneliness can make you hold onto past relationships. It's completely normal to feel lonely after a breakup, especially when you’ve been used to sharing your life with someone. However, loneliness or a fear of being single might make you want to return to an old relationship, even if it wasn’t right for you in the long run.
- To combat loneliness, focus on yourself during this time. Reconnect with hobbies you may have neglected, or explore new interests you’ve been curious about!
- Strengthen your connections with close friends and family. Humans are social creatures, and we thrive on relationships—not just romantic ones.
Your ex feels familiar and comfortable.
Sticking with your ex may feel easier than starting over with someone new. After spending a significant amount of time with your ex, a bond forms that feels comforting and familiar. The thought of moving on and building a new connection can feel overwhelming and difficult. You might find yourself unable to let go because your ex feels like a known comfort zone, while the idea of navigating new relationships seems uncertain or intimidating.
- It's important to distinguish between “familiar” and “comfortable.” Just because your ex is familiar doesn't mean they’re the only one who can offer you a sense of belonging and acceptance.
- Don’t let comfort and familiarity keep you stuck in a relationship that no longer serves you. It might take some time, but you are absolutely capable of finding someone who truly deserves your love and appreciation!
You’re holding onto only the good memories.
It’s easy to romanticize your ex by focusing on the good times. You know the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? It’s true! Being apart from your ex can make your mind drift towards the positive memories, making it harder to remember the reasons why the relationship ended. Unfortunately, focusing on just the good times can prevent you from healing and moving forward.
- If you catch yourself reminiscing about the best moments, remind yourself that the breakup happened for a reason. It’s important to acknowledge both the good and the bad parts of the relationship.
- If there’s a chance of getting back together, ignoring the issues from the past won’t help. You’ll need to address those problems to avoid repeating them in the future!
You’re putting your ex on a pedestal.
It’s harder to move on if you believe your ex was ‘the one.’ After a breakup, it’s easy to idealize your ex, thinking they were the perfect match for you and that no one else could compare. If you convince yourself that your ex was the best you’ll ever find, it becomes even harder to let go. You may even start blaming yourself for the breakup, thinking you weren’t good enough, even though that’s far from the truth.
- The reality is, the world is full of possibilities! Even the best relationships can end, but that shouldn't prevent you from finding new love and continuing to grow as an individual.
- Idealizing your ex only limits you. Believing they’re the only one for you blocks the possibility of a healthier, better relationship in the future. Keep an open heart and mind to the endless possibilities ahead!
You’re making yourself stay in pain.
If you secretly think you deserve the suffering, it will take longer to heal. Unresolved issues from past relationships might make you blame yourself for the breakup, causing you to stay trapped in ongoing pain. Alternatively, you may fear losing the relationship completely if you stop holding on to the hurt. Either way, continuing to suffer unnecessarily only prolongs the healing process.
- It’s crucial to show yourself kindness after a breakup. Understand that no matter what happened, you don’t deserve to be your own harshest critic.
- Prioritize self-care after the breakup. Holding onto pain won’t fix anything or bring the relationship back—so why keep doing it?
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What’s the biggest obstacle you face when trying to move on from an ex?
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Start QuizBrowse More QuizzesYour self-esteem took a hit in the relationship.
A toxic relationship can seriously damage your confidence. If you were with someone who was emotionally abusive, constantly belittling or criticizing you, it can lead you to seek their approval even more. After the breakup, their harmful actions may have left you feeling worthless, and without their presence to validate you, it becomes even more difficult to move on.
- Recognize that it took incredible strength to leave that relationship. Just being free of your toxic ex is a monumental achievement!
- Focus on becoming your own source of validation. Take the time after the breakup to rebuild your confidence and learn to truly love yourself so that you can move forward.
You invested too much energy into the relationship.
Recovery can be more challenging after an exhausting, toxic relationship. Toxic relationships tend to drain every ounce of energy. The more effort you put into holding it together, the more you deplete yourself. After the breakup, it can feel like you’ve wasted years or months on something that ultimately didn’t work.
- Try to shift your perspective. While breakups are painful, they also open the door for personal growth.
- Now you understand better what you truly need from a relationship, and you can carry that wisdom forward, leading to healthier connections in the future!
You carry the guilt of not being able to ‘fix’ your ex.
If you tried to solve your ex's problems, you might feel like things were left incomplete. Relationships can be toxic if one partner has unresolved trauma or mental health struggles. As someone with empathy, you may have seen your ex’s issues as something you could heal, but when things didn’t work out, you might feel guilty. Remember, though, that fixing them was never your responsibility.
- Let go of that guilt. Your ex’s struggles are not your fault, nor is their behavior your burden to carry.
- Ultimately, you can offer love and support, but only they have the power to seek help and change. If they chose not to, it’s not a reflection on you.
You long for the emotional rollercoaster of the relationship.
Unpredictability and drama can become almost addictive in toxic relationships. Have you ever found yourself caught in the emotional chaos of a toxic relationship? These relationships swing between extreme highs, where everything seems perfect, and devastating lows, where your partner either lashes out or withdraws. After the breakup, you may even miss the thrill of that emotional rollercoaster.
- Remember, just because a relationship is full of excitement doesn’t mean it’s healthy. You deserve a love that feels secure and steady, something your ex may not have been able to provide.
You’re still trying to make sense of everything that happened.
Without closure, moving forward can feel like an impossible task. Do you often replay the breakup in your mind, trying to understand why it happened or how to fix things? When you focus too much on analyzing the event, you risk ignoring your own feelings. Dwelling on the past can make it hard to move on.
- If you feel you need closure from your ex, you might consider reaching out to them for a conversation, to gain clarity. Make sure it’s safe to do so, and take care of your emotional well-being during this process.
- Even if you do get closure, understand that you may not agree with your ex’s reasons. Often, the healthiest choice is to stop overthinking and simply let it go.
You can’t seem to let go of the relationship.
Letting go and learning from your mistakes makes moving on easier. One of the most important steps in overcoming a breakup is the act of truly letting go. As long as you hold onto the relationship in your mind, it will be impossible to move on completely, because you’ll always be anchored to the past.
- Focus on accepting what happened, including any mistakes you made along the way. The relationship, along with its flaws, belongs to the past—release it and begin anew.
You’re still grieving what could have been.
Letting go of the future you envisioned with your ex can be heartbreaking. When you're in love, it's only natural to start planning a future together. You imagine a life filled with dreams, aspirations, and shared moments. After a breakup, accepting that those plans are no longer possible can feel like a heavy loss. You may even become consumed with regrets, wondering what could’ve been or what you could’ve done differently.
- It’s important to release those regrets. Everyone has those ‘What if...?’ moments, but they only keep you stuck in the past.
- The best way to move forward is to keep pushing ahead. While your dreams and hopes were once real, they belong to the past now. Holding on to them will only prevent you from stepping into a brighter future!
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After a breakup, which coping method would be most helpful to you?
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Start QuizExplore More QuizzesYou haven't fully processed your grief over the relationship yet.
Processing your emotions is essential after a loss. What was your initial reaction after the breakup? Did you allow yourself to feel the pain, or did you try to block it out? Suppressing emotions like grief, hurt, sadness, and frustration only prolongs the grieving period and delays healing.
- Stop burying your emotions or pretending you’re okay. In order to heal, it’s crucial to give yourself space to focus on understanding and confronting your emotions.
- Writing in a journal can be a powerful tool to help you manage and understand your emotions during this difficult time.
- By acknowledging your emotions surrounding the breakup, you’ll find it easier to release them and eventually move forward with your life.
You lost sight of who you were in the relationship.
Moving on from an ex is challenging when you've forgotten who you are. If you dedicated all your energy to your partner and neglected your own identity, you may find yourself unsure of who you are after the breakup. This loss of self can make it difficult to move on, as you're uncertain of your needs and desires.
- Take time to rediscover yourself after the breakup. Pay attention to how you think, feel, and react. It can be empowering to reconnect with your passions and your sense of identity!
- Build a strong support network of friends and family. In future relationships, make sure to maintain those bonds to avoid losing yourself again.
Your breakup brought up unresolved past trauma.
Breakups can trigger painful memories of previous losses. If you've experienced childhood trauma, such as abandonment, mistrust, or abuse, a breakup might bring those unresolved feelings to the surface. You may struggle to move on because the pain isn't just from the breakup but also from past emotional wounds.
- Healing from past trauma is essential to getting over the breakup. The key is addressing the deeper emotional scars that are influencing your current feelings.
- Consider seeking therapy to work through the trauma and build healthier relationships in the future.
Participate in the Conversation...
It's been nearly a year since my boyfriend and I broke up, but I still miss him every single day. It feels like it just happened. Why does it hurt so much? Will this ever get easier? How do I move on from the love of my life?
Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Relationship Coach
Typically, it takes anywhere from six months to two years to fully heal from a breakup. Understanding what's going on in your brain can help you realize that feeling sorrowful and missing your ex is a natural part of the process. The same chemicals that make you feel euphoric when you fall in love are the same ones that lead to your emotional suffering when love ends.
In the early stages of a relationship, a rush of chemicals motivates you and your partner to bond. The intense excitement, the constant thoughts about your new love, and the butterflies in your stomach are driven by the brain’s reward system, which encourages bonding for reproductive purposes.
This system triggers dopamine release—the chemical that makes you feel good and compels you to seek more of whatever gave you that pleasure, whether it's nicotine, chocolate, or your partner’s touch. Dopamine fuels your desire to receive validation and affection from your partner.
However, after a breakup, that reward is either delayed or not received at all. Although your conscious mind may acknowledge the end of the relationship, your brain’s neurons still expect the emotional rewards, keeping you unconsciously attached to your ex.
In the early stages of a relationship, a rush of chemicals motivates you and your partner to bond. The intense excitement, the constant thoughts about your new love, and the butterflies in your stomach are driven by the brain’s reward system, which encourages bonding for reproductive purposes.
This system triggers dopamine release—the chemical that makes you feel good and compels you to seek more of whatever gave you that pleasure, whether it's nicotine, chocolate, or your partner’s touch. Dopamine fuels your desire to receive validation and affection from your partner.
However, after a breakup, that reward is either delayed or not received at all. Although your conscious mind may acknowledge the end of the relationship, your brain’s neurons still expect the emotional rewards, keeping you unconsciously attached to your ex.
1. It makes sense that you miss him so much—your connection with him involved a lot of shared moments, vulnerability, safety, and strong emotions. The pain you're feeling is valid.
2. Yes, it does get easier. It might feel impossible right now, but trust that with time, the hurt will lessen. It took me almost two years to get over my last breakup.
3. To move on from the love of your life, focus on yourself. After a breakup, take care of your physical health by eating well and resting. Also, nurture your mental and emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and surrounding yourself with supportive people.
2. Yes, it does get easier. It might feel impossible right now, but trust that with time, the hurt will lessen. It took me almost two years to get over my last breakup.
3. To move on from the love of your life, focus on yourself. After a breakup, take care of your physical health by eating well and resting. Also, nurture your mental and emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and surrounding yourself with supportive people.
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