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Decipher your crush's eye contact & make that first move
Having a crush can be both thrilling and confusing, especially when you find yourselves sharing eye contact but never engaging in conversation. Your crush's fleeting or lingering gazes may indicate interest and a desire to connect. To better understand what those glances mean, we consulted expert dating coaches who shared insights on interpreting eye contact, recognizing signs of attraction, and how to break the silence and approach your crush!
Key Insights to Keep in Mind
- If your crush makes eye contact but doesn’t speak, they might be shy or hesitant, yet interested in you.
- If your crush maintains eye contact and smiles, they could be signaling that they want you to make the first move.
- Sometimes, your crush’s eye contact might be a sign of friendship or a desire to ask you something, not necessarily romantic attraction.
Steps to Take
Why Your Crush Might Stare at You but Never Speak
Your crush is interested in you but too shy to make the first move. If your crush has feelings for you, they may try to catch your eye to express their attraction but hesitate when it's time to actually make contact. They probably want to start a conversation but are worried about saying the wrong thing or appearing awkward.
- This could also indicate that your crush fears rejection. Despite their feelings for you, their anxiety may be stronger than their desire to approach you.
- It’s completely normal to feel nervous about talking to someone you like. It’s just a sign that you're excited but unsure about making that first step.
Your crush is waiting for you to make the first move. Dating coach Mark Rosenfield explains that “eye contact is usually the first sign to invite the other person to make a move.” When your crush locks eyes with you, holds the gaze for a few seconds, and smiles, they’re likely signaling for you to come over and start a conversation!
Your crush feels an undeniable connection with you. If you can sense chemistry between you and your crush but haven’t spoken yet, eye contact can convey your mutual attraction. Staring into each other’s eyes can strengthen your bond, create intimacy, and foster a sense of closeness.
- Extended eye contact triggers the release of oxytocin, the hormone responsible for building trust, attachment, and desire.
Your crush is interested in you in a platonic way. Not all eye contact signals romantic intent; sometimes, it’s simply a way to get your attention. Your crush might be intrigued by something you said or did, and they’re thinking about approaching you. Alternatively, they might just be interested in becoming friends and working up the courage to talk to you!
Your crush is just looking around. Sometimes, eye contact is purely accidental and unintentional. If you and your crush meet eyes but there’s no quick glance away, lingering stare, or hint of recognition, their gaze might simply be roaming and happening to land on you.
Understanding Different Types of Eye Contact
Brief eye contact may show interest. If your crush notices you, makes eye contact, and quickly looks away or down, they’re likely attracted to you. This could be a sign of shyness or embarrassment about their feelings.
- If your crush looks away by shifting their gaze up or sideways, it may indicate a neutral, non-romantic glance.
A double take can indicate flirtation. If your crush breaks eye contact only to look at you again, it’s a strong signal that they’re interested in you romantically. One quick glance wasn’t enough, showing that they’re thinking about you and may be open to starting a conversation.
Extended eye contact usually points to attraction. If your crush holds eye contact for a few seconds, smiles, and then looks at your mouth, it's likely that they’re interested in you. Prolonged eye contact is a subtle invitation for you to approach them, as it tends to trigger excitement and attraction.
- Pay attention to where their gaze moves to determine if their interest is romantic or platonic. Platonic eye contact often shifts between your eyes and nose, while romantic eye contact tends to drop to your mouth and lower.
Prolonged eye contact is often linked to love and attraction. Staring into each other’s eyes for several seconds or longer typically indicates intimacy and closeness. It can also be a sign of intense passion between you and your crush.
- Eye contact can carry different meanings depending on your cultural background and personal feelings toward the person. If you’re not interested in them, it may feel uncomfortable, and if you’re afraid of them, it might seem intimidating.
Shying away from eye contact could indicate disinterest. If your crush avoids meeting your gaze, check their body language to get a clearer picture. If they cross their arms or turn away, they may not be interested anymore.
- Avoiding eye contact doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not into you. Some people struggle with making eye contact due to shyness, insecurity, autism, or social anxiety.
- If their body language is open and facing you, they’re likely still interested.
How to Make the First Move with Your Crush
Prepare conversation topics before approaching your crush. Thinking ahead about what you’ll say can help calm your nerves. You could ask about your crush’s weekend, hobbies, a shared class or work project, or even bring up a recent news story.
- Try to visualize the conversation as well. Imagining what you’ll say and how they might respond can make you feel more confident.
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What steps do you take to prepare for a conversation with someone you have a crush on?
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Introduce yourself to your crush. If you haven’t met your crush yet, make eye contact, smile, and introduce yourself. A simple greeting like, “Hi! I’m Carlos. I don’t think we’ve met before,” is all it takes to start the conversation. Your crush will likely respond with their name. If they don’t, kindly ask, “What’s your name?”
- Take a few deep breaths to relax before approaching your crush.
- To boost your confidence, wear an outfit you love. Then, stand tall, roll your shoulders back, and keep your chin up.
Start a conversation with a comment or a question. Dating expert Mark Rosenfeld suggests initiating with a comment on something around you, such as a funny class moment or the weather, or offering a compliment about their attire. Alternatively, ask about their day, interests, or any shared activities.
- For example, you could say, “That video Ms. Thompson showed us was hilarious!” or, “I love your jacket! Where did you get it?”
- Or, you might ask, “So, I heard you’re a huge music fan. What are you listening to lately?” or, “You’re in Mr. Jacob’s class, right? Have you started his science project yet?”
Maintain open and inviting body language. Dating coach Mark Rosenfeld advises “make eye contact [and] face the person directly or slightly to the side” to show interest, and keep your “chin and chest up.”
He warns against “crossing your arms unless you want to close yourself off,” and recommends “smiling...goes a long way to being welcoming and approachable.”
He warns against “crossing your arms unless you want to close yourself off,” and recommends “smiling...goes a long way to being welcoming and approachable.”
- To make effective eye contact, hold your gaze for 4 to 5 seconds before looking away or to the side.
- Christina Jay, another dating expert, agrees, advising to smile and make “subtle but noticeable” eye contact, instead of staring too intensely.
Ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation lively. Show your interest by asking questions that encourage more than just a “Yes” or “No” reply. For example, inquire about their soccer team or their opinion on the latest superhero movie.
Use their responses to ask more questions or share your own thoughts or related experiences. If they’re answering enthusiastically, smiling, and asking questions back, you’re on the right track!
Use their responses to ask more questions or share your own thoughts or related experiences. If they’re answering enthusiastically, smiling, and asking questions back, you’re on the right track!
- If your crush is giving short answers, avoiding eye contact, or crossing their arms, they might not be interested. Politely wrap up the conversation at that point.
- Don’t take it personally if they seem uninterested—they could simply be busy or not feeling their best.
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What types of questions do you like to ask when trying to get to know someone you have a crush on?
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Engage with your crush both in person and online to nurture your connection. If your first conversation goes well, ask your crush for their number. Then, continue talking to your crush so they know you’re interested!
For example, greet them when you cross paths in person and bring up topics you’ve discussed before. Or, text them fun memes or videos to spark a conversation online.
For example, greet them when you cross paths in person and bring up topics you’ve discussed before. Or, text them fun memes or videos to spark a conversation online.
Watch for signs that your crush might have feelings for you too. Expert dating coach Mark Rosenfeld explains that you’ll know your crush likes you back if they’re “enjoying the conversation [and] being responsive…especially if they’re starting to take the lead in initiating [conversations].”
Your crush’s body language can also reveal interest. If they like you, they’ll likely maintain good eye contact, smile, face you, and mirror your movements.
Your crush’s body language can also reveal interest. If they like you, they’ll likely maintain good eye contact, smile, face you, and mirror your movements.
- Flirt with your crush a little to see if they flirt back! You can tease them playfully, give them compliments, or lightly touch their arm or hand.
- Also, be aware of signs they may not be interested. Dating coach Christina Jay mentions that “if they are always too busy or take a long time to reply to messages, they probably aren’t interested or don’t have the time to commit to a relationship.”
Ask your crush out. As dating expert Christina Jay emphasizes, “you won’t really know [if your crush likes you] until you ask them out on a date!” She advises being upfront with your feelings and then inviting them on a date.
- For example, you might say something like, “I really enjoy spending time with you and I want you to know that I like you.”
- Next, suggest a specific activity or location for the date.
- If your crush doesn’t feel the same way, kindly accept their response, wish them the best, and move on. Rejection may sting, but take pride in being brave enough to put yourself out there.
- To get over the disappointment, focus on enjoying time with friends and family and exploring new interests.
