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In the past, etiquette was the foundation of social cohesion, allowing individuals to interact harmoniously with friends and neighbors without causing discomfort or conflict. Unfortunately, many of these essential guidelines have faded into obscurity. This list highlights 10 timeless etiquette rules that have been largely forgotten. Perhaps it will encourage a revival of these valuable social practices!
10. Appropriate Attire for Men at Weddings
This item is ranked 10 because it focuses more on proper attire than on manners. For weddings held before 6 PM, a tuxedo (black tie) or tails (white tie) should be avoided. Instead, opt for a formal suit or, for a more traditional approach, a morning suit. A detailed guide here outlines the rules for men’s wedding attire. It’s a tradition for the groom to gift ties to the men in the wedding party. If wearing a morning suit or formal suit, choose ties that complement but don’t exactly match, ensuring a cohesive yet distinct look. The photo above illustrates this perfectly, featuring Prince Henry and Prince William at their father’s wedding. For evening weddings after 6 PM, a tuxedo or tails are appropriate. Here’s a helpful guide on wearing tails.
9. The Art of Opening Doors
In the past, it was customary for a gentleman to hold doors open for women, whether they were accompanying them or simply strangers entering a building. This practice, once a hallmark of politeness, has nearly disappeared. Interestingly, it’s not solely men who are to blame. Some women have been known to react negatively, mistaking this gesture for outdated chauvinism. My suggestion? Smile warmly and hold the door open regardless of their reaction.
8. The Lost Tradition of Thank-you Notes
In earlier times, it was customary to promptly send a thank-you note upon receiving a gift, regardless of whether the giver was a family member or not. Parents often guided their children in crafting these notes after celebrations like birthdays or Christmas. Sadly, gift-giving has become more of a duty, and the tradition of thank-you notes is often dismissed. Even if you disregard other etiquette rules, teaching children to write thank-you notes can help them value the gifts they receive more deeply.
7. The Etiquette of Gift Requests
In the past, creating a gift registry for weddings or special occasions was unthinkable, as it was seen as directly asking for gifts—a practice still considered impolite today. Similarly, stating 'no gifts' was frowned upon, as it suggested gifts were an expected norm. Nowadays, it’s rare to receive a wedding invitation without a link to a gift registry, often filled with items ranging from affordable to exorbitantly priced. Some registries even feature gifts worth thousands of dollars. Traditionally, wedding invitations never mentioned gifts, avoiding any hint of expectation or obligation, unlike modern trends of suggesting donations to specific charities.
6. Knowing When to Leave
Modern gatherings have lost the sense of proper timing. Guests now leave parties for countless reasons—boredom, attending another event, intoxication, or even sobriety. Traditionally, the guest of honor, typically the eldest woman present, dictated the party’s flow. It was considered highly impolite to depart before her, and her exit signaled to others that it was time to prepare to leave. This rule has faded as the concept of a guest of honor has largely disappeared from today’s social events.
5. Punctuality Matters
This point naturally follows the previous one: in the past, arriving late was always seen as disrespectful. The idea of being 'fashionably late' didn’t exist. For instance, if you were invited to dinner and arrived 15 minutes late, you might find yourself dining alone in the kitchen with the staff, only rejoining the group after the punctual guests had finished their meal and moved on to evening activities.
4. The Lost Art of Dining
The etiquette surrounding dinner could fill an entire list, but I’ll summarize it here. In the past, people dressed formally for dinner and gathered together at the table. This practice highlighted the value of family and nutritious meals. Today, eating in front of the TV or at separate times has contributed to unhealthy habits and rising obesity rates. Personally, I make an effort to sit with my family at the dinner table nightly, though I no longer dress formally. I highly recommend this tradition as a way to strengthen family bonds.
3. The Taboo of Discussing Money
This is another extensive subject. Here’s a brief overview: A gentleman would never:
1. Borrow money from a woman 2. Borrow money from a man without collateral and a clear plan to repay promptly 3. Engage in discussions about money 4. Boast about his possessions or their value 5. Name-drop: 'When I dined with Mr. Rich…', 'I’m close friends with Miss Gottabuck'
Conversely, he would take on the debts of a deceased relative as a matter of honor. Times have certainly changed! Today, the obsession with wealth is so blatant that it has spawned the term 'conspicuous consumption.' There was a time when people didn’t feel the need to compete with the Joneses—because no one knew what the Joneses owned, nor did they flaunt their own possessions.
2. Maintaining Discretion in Public
This rule is perhaps the most disregarded today: in the past, individuals walking in public dressed and spoke modestly, avoiding any behavior that might attract undue attention. Mentioning friends’ names was considered improper. A gentleman always walked on the outer side of the sidewalk to shield the lady or ladies from traffic (a practice the individuals in the photo above seem unaware of). People refrained from engaging with strangers or calling out to acquaintances across the street.
1. Presenting a United Front as Parents
I included this item because of a witty and insightful quote related to it. Here’s the quote from Emily Post’s 'Everyday Manners':
[P]arents must never disagree in front of their children. It’s simply unacceptable! Nor should a child be allowed to pit one parent against the other. 'Father told me to jump down the well!' 'Then you must do it, dear,' is the only response a mother should give. After the child has 'jumped,' she can swiftly rescue them and privately express her thoughts to her husband about such commands. However, as long as parents share a home, they must present a united front to all observers.
That’s how strictly this rule was followed! I doubt you’ll find many modern parents who wholeheartedly agree with this principle today.
