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Queen Victoria (1819-1901) could easily be regarded as the ultimate working mother. She managed to raise nine children while reigning over the world's largest empire. Despite her titles—Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, Defender of the Faith, and Empress of India—she harbored a strong dislike for infants, the ordeal of childbirth, and the associated mess.
She penned countless letters, both formal and personal. While her official correspondence occasionally hinted at her true sentiments, her private letters, especially those to her eldest daughter Victoria The Princess Royal (Vicky), were brimming with raw emotion. Here are some of her most striking remarks on the realities of parenting.
1. On children being (essentially) parasitic
In a letter to her uncle, the King of Belgium, following the birth of her first child, Vicky, Queen Victoria wrote: "My dearest Uncle,—… I believe, dearest Uncle, you would not truly desire me to be the ‘Mamma d'une nombreuse famille,’ as you would surely recognize the significant challenges a large family would pose for us all, especially for the nation, not to mention the personal strain and difficulties it would impose on me. Men rarely, if ever, consider the immense burden we women endure in repeatedly going through such trials."
Bless your heart, Uncle. I’ve just spent the past nine months managing the annexation of New Zealand while my body was overtaken by a parasite that caused me constant sickness and ultimately left me feeling as though I’d been torn apart. Please, do not wish such a blessing upon me again.
2. On children and their fathers
From the same letter: “Our little one is thriving…I think you would find it quite amusing to see Albert cradling her in his arms; he excels as a caregiver (a role I do not), and she already seems delighted to be in his company."
In other words: Little Vicky and her father share a wonderful bond. Thankfully, because her mother has no interest in handling that chubby, drooling bundle.
3. On infants being underwhelming
"We were delighted to see how much our dear little Victoria has grown and improved. She speaks clearly and has become quite independent; truly, few children her age are as advanced. She is a delightful little companion. The baby, however, is noticeably behind in development, though still growing and very robust."
In simpler terms: Vicky is becoming more human and easier to tolerate! The newborn future King of England, whose current royal duties include crying, sucking his fist, and pooping, is already proving to be a letdown.
4. On whispers of her daughter’s pregnancy
"It’s utterly detestable, but there are rumors circulating that both you and I are in what I refer to as an unfortunate state!...Everyone who cares for you hopes you will be spared this ordeal for at least another year." Victoria also expresses her sorrow at the thought of her daughter battling homesickness and the challenges of newlywed life "while feeling unwell and constantly fatigued."
There were widespread rumors that both the recently wed Vicky and her 39-year-old mother were expecting. These rumors were false, but in Vicky’s case, it wasn’t long before they became true. In 1859, Vicky gave birth to Wilhelm, who would later become Kaiser Wilhelm, the German Emperor who fought in World War I against his English cousin, King George V. Grandmother Victoria would never have tolerated such nonsense.
5. On her youngest son, Leopold
"…I am not particularly fond of babies in general—though there are exceptions. For example, your sisters Alice and Beatrice were quite beautiful from the very beginning—and you were somewhat as well. Arthur too...but Bertie and Leopold? Absolutely dreadful. Little girls are always more charming and pleasant."
Leopold, Victoria’s youngest son, received an overwhelmingly negative amount of attention in her personal writings. From the moment he was born, she found his appearance displeasing and never hesitated to express it.
6. On Pediatricians ... and Men
Her daughter wrote to Victoria, describing her preparations for the birth of her first child with a sense of finality, “like someone preparing to have their head cut off.” Victoria responded with deep sympathy.
“Oh! If only those selfish men—who are the root of all our suffering—could understand the torment their poor slaves endure! The pain, the humiliation to a woman’s delicate sensibilities…especially with those dreadful doctors."
Men are such wretches.
7. On her daughter attempting to stay optimistic about her pregnancies
The princess decided to adopt a positive outlook on her unavoidable pregnancies. Her mother found her efforts endearing—endearing in the way one might find a cow charming.
“Your thoughts on the pride of bringing an immortal soul into the world are quite noble, dear, but I must admit I cannot share that sentiment. To me, it feels more like we resemble a cow or a dog during those moments—when our human nature becomes so utterly primal and devoid of ecstasy," Victoria wrote to her daughter.
8. On which creatures babies resemble
“I’ve grown fonder of them than I used to be, provided they are pleasant and attractive…In general, I feel no affection for them until they start to seem a bit more human. An unattractive baby is quite repulsive—and even the most beautiful one looks dreadful when undressed. This lasts until about four months, when they still have those oversized bodies, tiny limbs, and that awkward, froglike movement."
9. On the hardships of motherhood
Victoria advised Vicky not to reveal to her sister, Alice, how utterly devastating the experience of having a baby could be. Alice would discover it soon enough. "Let me remind you, dear child, to speak as little as possible about these matters [pregnancy] around Alice (who has already heard more than you ever did). She has a deep fear of childbirth and would prefer to avoid it altogether—much like I felt as a young girl and early in my marriage. I am very concerned that she should know as little as possible about the unavoidable sufferings, so please remember this, dear."
10. On how infants destroy lives
From this letter, it seems Victoria believed marriage equated to babies, which in turn meant the end of hope and joy. “When I reflect on the carefree, joyful, and independent life of a young girl—and then observe the suffering and pain that a young wife is often condemned to endure—it’s undeniable that this is the price of marriage."
To be fair, these were just a fraction of the Queen’s thoughts on children; she also expressed immense love and affection for her nine children on numerous occasions. However, those positive sentiments were not consistent, even in a woman who epitomized self-discipline and decorum. For some of us, it’s comforting to know we share such feelings with someone of her stature.
See Also...
10 Lines From Napoleon's Love Letters That Sound Like Crazy Texts
These quotes were sourced from the pages of Dearest Child: Letters Between Queen Victoria and The Princess Royal 1858-1861 by Roger Fulford.
