Buzz
Germany, known for its tranquil Sundays, high-speed Autobahn journeys reaching 320 kilometers per hour (200 mph), and its famous sausages. Beyond these surface-level stereotypes, we uncover a wealth of fascinating history in Deutschland that surpasses expectations. Vorwarts!
10. The Science Behind Penalty Kicks
Since 1982, no German soccer player has failed in a penalty shootout during a World Cup or European Championship match. What sets them apart? While the English are notorious for their unpredictable penalty performances, the Germans seem to have mastered the art. What’s their secret?
The key difference between England and Germany lies in the psychological influence of Uli Stielike. As many recall, Stielike, a legendary defender in his time, missed what he believed was a crucial penalty during the 1982 World Cup semifinal shootout against France (though Germany ultimately triumphed). Overwhelmed, Uli broke down, tears streaming as he covered his face for the remainder of the shootout. Remarkably, this was the last penalty missed by a German player in international competitions for over 35 years.
Why no more misses? Uli established the behavioral benchmark for a German missing a penalty. No one would want a billion viewers witnessing such a reaction. The subconscious absorbs the correct response—or so the theory suggests—and German players are mentally trained to evade situations that could make them the next Uli Stielike.
Eight years later, in 1990, England’s Stuart Pearce reacted with a mix of sadness and frustration after his miss. His breakdown followed the British tradition: private and at home. Thus, the English response to missing a critical penalty became one of stoicism. Subconsciously, they became adept at missing penalties, while the Germans became psychologically wired to score without fail.
9. Germans Freed the World from Heroin
In 1897, Bayer introduced the first pain reliever with minimal side effects. Today, aspirin is a globally trusted remedy for pain, fever, and inflammation. Of the 50,000 tons produced yearly, around 12,000 still come from Bayer. Back then, the British were either intoxicated with gin or unconscious from laudanum.
Despite the euphoria of heroin, British authorities concluded that the Germans might be onto something with this peculiar medicine that didn’t induce pleasure but simply healed. Consequently, humanity was freed to use heroin for recreational purposes—sparingly, perhaps once a week or on public holidays.
8. Are Germans Truly Boring?
Anyone who has encountered Germans and emerged without falling into a prolonged coma can attest to their reputation for being humorless. However, this is far from the truth. Germans are incredibly witty. Without their so-called solemn nature, we wouldn’t have the legendary comedic duo of Engels and Marx, whose revolutionary works have kept the world entangled in ideological turmoil for nearly two centuries.
Thanks to this audacious pair, numerous nations plunged into an era of thought control, economic disasters, and peasants bravely perishing in fields. The impact was so profound it nearly toppled a tsar.
7. Pioneering Advances in Explosives
If we set aside the fact that Nazi Germany aimed to conquer or annihilate nearly everyone, their scientific contributions under the regime are undeniably impressive. While dictatorships rarely foster innovation, the Third Reich birthed modern aviation, rocketry, and countless other advancements. Beyond that era, Germans have gifted the world Playmobil, sneakers, breakthroughs in physics and chemistry, and the iconic flammenwerfer, or flamethrower. Blowing stuff up is thrilling, and nothing does it better than fire. The flamethrower, a favorite in children’s war games post-Vietnam, was invented in 1901 and first used against the French and Russians in World War I. Beyond fire, Germans pioneered ballistic missiles, aerial bombing, underwater torpedoes, and ingeniously added weapons to many inventions. Impressive!
6. The Failure of Multikulti
The German idea of multikulti differs from the English concept of multiculturalism. In multikulti, diverse groups were expected to coexist without integration, as foreigners were assumed to return home after work or education. After all, that’s how a German would handle it.
In 2010, Chancellor Merkel declared multikulti a failure, yet continued to welcome over a million migrants from vastly different cultures. Media narratives often claim that Germans concerned about migrant crimes are racist, while migrants committing assaults are merely resisting German power structures. Critics of such assaults are similarly labeled racists.
Meanwhile, the challenges of an unintegrated foreign population persist, with little indication of policy changes from the Bundestag.
5. Concentration Camps: A Lesson in Administrative Efficiency
While Germany’s history extends far beyond the Nazi era, visiting the sites of its most horrific crimes reveals both human brilliance and our potential for evil. Aktion T4, the precursor to the Holocaust, exemplifies this duality. Driven by eugenics, the Nazis established the most ruthlessly efficient and sinister bureaucracy in human history.
When humanity treats people as it does animals, machines, or raw materials, the potential for immense evil emerges. This is not uniquely German but a chilling reminder of human efficiency, serving as a universal warning.
German collectivist ideologies offer two stark examples of the dangers of dehumanizing those we oppose. A lesson we must never forget.
4. German Researchers Have Found a Solution to the Migrant Crisis
For those troubled by Fact #6, there’s a solution to the migrant crisis and the so-called racists worried about the influx of over a million young men and women into their country. In a twist reminiscent of Aldous Huxley’s dystopian visions, researchers at Bonn University found that administering bonding hormones can alter people’s opinions about being gradually replaced by foreigners.
Cheers to oxytocin. This hormone, which connects mothers to babies and lovers to each other, can now forcibly bond you with strangers. Germany, you’ve truly become the progressive beacon the world needed.
All jokes aside, whether you support open borders or not, forcibly altering people’s opinions is hardly a sound strategy.
3. The Most Remarkable Statesman in History?
Otto von Bismarck, the iconic Iron Chancellor, is largely credited with shaping modern Germany. A staunch conservative, he dismantled French dominance in the post-Napoleonic era while pioneering Europe’s first welfare state, introducing national healthcare (1883), accident insurance (1884), and old-age pensions (1889).
In the 1850s, as German politicians pushed for unification, Bismarck recognized the military’s unpreparedness for a war against Austria. Despite his hawkish reputation, he surprised everyone by advocating for peace, condemning warmongers. His speech swayed the king, propelling him to prime minister. With royal support, he modernized the military, tested its strength in the 1864 war against Denmark, and provoked the Austro-Prussian War in 1866, leading to Austria’s defeat and Germany’s unification. His foresight remains unmatched in history.
2. The 150-Year Quest for German Identity
Since Bismarck’s dream of a united Germany materialized in 1871, the nation has been central to global affairs. In the 19th century, Germans sought liberation from French emperors. By the early 20th century, just 30 years after its founding, the Second Reich aspired to imperial dominance. After the Third Reich, this ambition was abandoned for good.
With a history of division and reunification under various empires, Germany has become a modern counterpart to the Holy Roman Empire. While the First Reich didn’t name itself as such, neither does the European Union call itself the Fourth. Yet, Europe’s destiny remains intertwined with Germany, as it has been through the rise and fall of empires, both foreign and domestic.
1. Deutsche Bank Shows Even Germans Aren’t Immune to Corruption
Deutsche Bank tarnished its name by funding Hitler’s regime and buying stolen Jewish gold during the Third Reich. Eighty years later, they’re back to financial mischief, laundering $10 billion in Russian rubles through a scheme that went undetected for years. A bank employee revealed, “There was a culture of criminality. Management structured Deutsche Bank to enable corrupt individuals to commit fraud.”
Further hit by Brexit and embarrassed by George Soros making $100 million betting against their shares, Deutsche Bank’s stock value now matches that of Snapchat—an app known for little more than risqué photos and flower-crown filters.
