Buzz
The festive season has swiftly come and gone, signaling the start of those unavoidable days spent with your relatives. You’ve experienced it so many times that you could practically predict every event and conversation, complete with the same recurring personalities who never fail to repeat their antics from the previous year.
In case Aunt Stephanie is delayed and you’ve forgotten her gin-fueled antics, or if your home is still in disarray from Uncle Jimmy’s chaos the day before, and you need a reminder that your family isn’t the only one with quirks – here are the 10 individuals who are guaranteed to show up at every family’s holiday gathering.
10. The Sulker
Typically, the sulker is a child under 10, though sometimes it’s an immature, entitled adult. This individual spends the entire night eagerly anticipating gift-opening time and grumbles about every activity that comes before it. “Why can’t we open presents before eating?” they’ll whine. When their plea is rejected, they’ll slouch in the most distant chair, glaring at their meal as if it were inedible.
When the moment to unwrap gifts finally arrives, don’t assume that a present will cheer them up. Without fail, whatever they receive will either disappoint them or pale in comparison to someone else’s more lavish gift.
9. The Overindulger
The Overindulger might sound like a fun, larger-than-life character, but he’s often just an uncle who relies on alcohol to get through family gatherings. His behavior is predictable, especially if you’ve recently witnessed it at Thanksgiving. If he doesn’t arrive already buzzed, he’ll immediately head to wherever the alcohol is stored. Soon enough, he’ll be slurring his words, invading personal space, and handing out awkwardly tight hugs to everyone—even your conservative Great Aunt Marge.
Some families have attempted to curb the drunken antics by hosting a “dry” holiday, but such efforts are futile against the determined overindulger – he always comes prepared with his own stash. Whether concealed in a flask or disguised in a seemingly harmless soda cup, he’ll never face the festivities without his liquid companion.
8. The Perfectionist
The perfectionist is usually the homemaker who elevates every household task to an art form. Christmas is her favorite time of year because it allows her to combine her passions – crafting, baking, and creating handmade gifts – all at once and with unmatched enthusiasm. Her gift wrapping rivals professional displays, her presents are meticulously handmade, and she would never be caught with a simple store-bought cookie tin (her treats are always intricately designed or sculpted into miniature masterpieces).
Guests will marvel at her creations, and she’ll casually brush off their praise, pretending it was effortless. However, if you live with her, you know she stayed up all night perfecting every detail and sent her husband on multiple late-night errands for items he deemed unnecessary (like striped ribbon for the reindeer’s neck because the plain ribbon just didn’t look right).
7. The Penny-Pincher
If your family has grown so large that buying gifts for everyone is impractical, you might have opted for a name-drawing system, where each person buys just one gift for the name they draw. This can work wonderfully, as you’re likely to receive one meaningful gift instead of a pile of cheap trinkets. That is, unless the penny-pincher draws your name.
The penny-pincher doesn’t view the name-drawing as a chance to give a heartfelt, personalized gift. Instead, they think, “Great, I only have to buy ONE present!” Then they head to the dollar store and return with something like a paperweight, a hacky sack, or an oversized root beer mug. While you don’t want to sound ungrateful, it’s hard not to wonder why they even bothered.
6. The Overly Anxious
The most anxious person at the gathering is invariably the mother or hostess – and if she’s both, brace yourself for double the tension. She envisions the evening unfolding flawlessly, often inspired by a scene from a Hallmark Christmas movie. She’ll micromanage seating arrangements, gift-opening order, and photo poses. No one can touch the food, even as it cools on the table, until your unreliable brother Rob arrives. If Rob doesn’t show (which is 87% likely), she’ll tear up but still concoct an excuse for his absence.
If Rob does make an appearance, there’s still a 50% chance she’ll have an emotional meltdown at some point, leaving everyone on edge and carefully choosing their words whenever she’s nearby.
5. The Apathetic
Teenagers and men often embody the role of the indifferent. Whether they attend the party or not makes no difference to them. What do they want for Christmas? Nothing. “Whatever” is their go-to response, and no matter what you tell them – the turkey is ruined, Christmas is canceled, their long-lost cousin Jeremy just showed up – they won’t budge from the couch.
4. The Sanctimonious
The sanctimonious, which might include an entire family, are eager to share how they’ve kept “Jesus in the season” this year. They boast about their disapproval of Christmas commercialization, explaining why they’re gifting acts of service instead of store-bought presents (you’d better hope they didn’t draw your name).
You can’t help but feel sorry for their kids, knowing Santa won’t be visiting their home. No matter how much indoctrination occurs, every child still dreams of receiving a real gift for Christmas.
3. The Eager-to-Leave
At heart, the eager-to-leave individual resembles the indifferent person (and secretly wishes he could be the overindulger), but he’s courteous enough to feign interest in the festivities. You’ll spot him subtly nudging the evening along, trying to speed things up. For example, while others are still chatting over dinner, he’ll suggest, “Sooo, should we start opening presents now?” Or, once the gifts are unwrapped and wrapping paper is scattered everywhere, he’ll be the first to grab a trash bag and start cleaning up. While it may seem helpful, his real goal is to wrap things up so the party can end.
He’s always the first to head out, hastily rounding up his kids and new gifts, not particularly concerned if he forgets either.
2. The Resentful
Like the sanctimonious, the bitter are equally frustrated with the commercialization of Christmas, but instead of channeling their energy into something positive (whether genuine or not), they simply despise the entire holiday. Their grievances start right after Halloween, when Christmas decorations begin appearing in stores. “Unbelievable!” they mutter. “Christmas stuff already? What happened to Thanksgiving?”
If it weren’t for their family, they’d swear off having a tree altogether, and they ensure all decorations are taken down immediately on December 26th.
1. The New Partner
Every year, without fail, someone in the family reaches the stage where they want to introduce their new partner to the holiday gathering. While this is thrilling for the young couple, marking a significant step in their relationship, it’s a headache for everyone else. Someone must keep a close eye on the overindulger to prevent any inappropriate behavior, while the rest of the family has to be on their best behavior to avoid triggering the high-strung host (usually mom) into a rant that might scare the newcomer away.
Additionally, there’s always the dilemma of whether to buy a gift for the new guest. It would be awkward if everyone else is unwrapping presents while the new boyfriend or girlfriend has nothing to open. But what do you get someone you barely know?
