Buzz
Ever felt like life could be improved with a version 2.0? There are plenty of complaints I could list, from wishing I could fly to desiring teleportation. But this list focuses on things that actually exist but could definitely be enhanced. While they may seem outlandish at first, they still bear a striking resemblance to our current reality. Here’s my take.
10. The Hassles of Eating
I enjoy a delicious meal as much as anyone, and there are countless mouthwatering options out there—steak, frozen yogurt bars, you name it. But it’s absurd that eating is a necessity. There are so many more enjoyable things in life that demand our time, yet we’re forced to pause everything just to eat—chewing, drinking, and all the repetitive motions. And let’s not forget about starvation being a reality, meaning your body will pay the price if you don’t eat regularly. Why is that? Why must we be forced into this ritual of consumption? Eating should be a treat, something to enjoy now and then, not an obligation to survive. Even worse, dietary restrictions exist that force individuals to cater to specific needs, like hypoglycemia or lactose intolerance, making some foods an actual source of pain. These kinds of limitations should not be a thing.
9. Breathing as a Necessity
What’s with this oxygen business? I have to depend on some invisible thing I can’t even see to live my life? I can’t just go deep-sea diving on a whim because my lungs can’t turn water into oxygen. Ridiculous. People have even reported suffocating and drowning in this world because they can’t get enough oxygen, which, according to survivors, is an excruciating and burning experience. This issue has also made space travel way more expensive and dangerous, making intergalactic trips an experience filled with constant anxiety. The challenge of breathing at high altitudes only adds to the frustration of exploring new frontiers. Breathing is awful, and sneezing doesn’t make it better: it’s a repetitive, annoying action that’s a desperate attempt to protect your airways. And let’s not forget about the disgusting boogers that clog your nose, forcing you to clean them out regularly and adding another unpleasant aspect to life. Sneezing and boogers are both dumb, and at the root of it all is the inconvenient need for breathing.
8. The Agony of Broken Bones and Teeth
So this ultra-durable material that makes up our bodies can still break, and because it’s connected to our nervous system, it hurts like crazy when it does? Terrible. On top of that, it’s a gruesome sight and makes us susceptible to infections or emotional distress. Enough with broken bones—this is a serious flaw in the design. Teeth are useful for eating (see above), but here’s the kicker: some foods that are fine to consume can still stain or wear down your teeth. Brilliant. First, eating is essential, then these fragile ‘teeth’ need constant care and can still chip, crack, or be lost. And again, pain is involved, which is absurd and should never happen.
7. Diseases and Cancer
Our immune systems need a serious upgrade, because not only did we not ask to be born, but we have to live with the constant threat of infection from the moment we’re conceived. Crazy diseases appear that mess with our senses or cause pain during normal functions. There are so many to count, but just know that many come with unpleasant visuals, foul smells, and other issues. The worst of all these defects, however, is cancer. As of now, cancer has no known universal cure, it’s extremely painful, and it slowly kills you against your will. Some have survived and fought cancer off, but not without intense pain, and for most, survival is simply not an option. Cancer is a terrible, ridiculous thing that exists among us. All diseases are awful.
6. Unwanted Orifice Excretions
Once again, the human body is a bizarre mess. Eating food often causes our bodies to break it down and expel gas from our behinds, which we call 'farts.' But on top of that, the digestive system turns unused parts of food into solid waste, forcing us to stop everything and take time out of our day just to squat and push out poop. It's disgusting, smelly, and sometimes painful. The worst part? The waste is inedible and has no use, so it’s not even recyclable from a dietary standpoint. From now on, let's just do away with pooping altogether. Our bodies should be able to break everything down into gas at all times, and when we fart, it should take care of the waste removal job. Plus, farts should no longer smell like crap. Instead, they should smell like the food or drink we just had. And while we're fixing things, let’s eliminate menstruation. Women bleed every month, which is an annoying and gross process. That blood should be internally recyclable. While we’re at it, let’s get rid of vomiting, as our stomachs should be able to digest anything without a problem and turn it into a fart. Come on, body, get it together.
5. Sunburn
The sun is this huge, fiery ball that helps things grow, but it’s also so bright that we can't even look at it without our eyes burning. And even worse, too much sunlight can scorch your skin, a painful experience that seems completely unnecessary. After thousands of years under the sun, why haven't we evolved a natural way to avoid sunburn? It’s ridiculous. Now, we rely on artificial sunscreens that don’t always work, and we often forget them when we’re just trying to live our lives. What’s worse is that sunburn can increase the risk of cancer, so just by being alive on this planet, we’re at risk of developing cancer just by having a good time outside. Forget you, sun.
4. Mental Problems
The most destructive patterns of human behavior are often blamed on 'mental illness.' Not only is it sometimes laughable what people classify as a mental illness, but even when it is a true illness, it’s ridiculous that someone has to endure it. Some of these conditions even promote self-harm or harm toward others for absurd reasons, and that’s just terrible. When you strip away all the confusion surrounding mental illnesses and find the underlying issue, it often comes down to 'memory.' Memory is supposed to help you recall things you've done before and keep important information for later use. But, despite a few exceptions, most people can’t remember anything clearly. Memory is too easily twisted, muddled, and lost. It’s a half-baked feature that needs a serious upgrade. A stronger memory wouldn’t just help us with keeping records; it would make our most cherished memories more vivid and meaningful, far surpassing the artificial alternatives that have sprung up due to our poor memory, like videotaping (which isn't always handy, by the way).
3. Not Knowing Why We’re Here
Among all creatures on this planet, human beings are probably the only (if not one of the few) species pondering why we are here in the first place. As far back as recorded history goes, several explanations in the form of 'religion' or similar 'faith'-based doctrines have surfaced to help humans cope. They offer fascinating theories, but given lack of touchable and visible evidence conclusive among all, you must only 'trust' with feeling such a theory is true (hence 'faith'). On the other hand, and oftentimes competitive to such 'faith'-based explanations, is the use of science to find tangible evidence of life’s origins in the universe and cosmos, or right here on this planet, typically resulting in theories of 'evolution'. However, even those theories have come up short for a thorough conclusion. Some people have even given up on both and don’t care, or profess belief in nothing at all. Regardless, the sheer fact there are multiple ways to consider the origin of life is alone stupid, for it opens the door to endless arguments with others, headaches while alone, and just general misunderstanding and forced compromise. It’s the ultimate mystery, requiring first-person summary to feel settled, if anything, but never getting solved among the species with a 100% globally-accepted conclusion. The only escape is living life, diverting your attention with anything else during your existence, and hoping for the best. Forget that. We should not be left in the dark, and having to struggle, and deal with aforementioned crap in the meantime. You’re already dealing with starvation, sunburn, and so forth. On top of it all, there’s no single inarguable explanation of life’s origins? What a gyp.
2. Effects of Aging
As the author of this list, I must admit that I am only 26 years old and have yet to feel the most substantial effects of aging. But already, I notice I am aching way more easily than I did as a 13-year-old, and that’s lame. With powers of observation, I realize it gets worse, as millions of people have demonstrated a slowing down of physical and mental prowess due to their aging, and the few that have managed to upkeep themselves still had to bust their ass to do it. It’s an automatic labor in life, taking care of your body due to age, so that shouldn’t be. It might not even matter for some: things like osteoporosis kick in and mess you up without discretion. Healthy as an ox one day, useless and a bad driver the next. Aging is out of control and it needs to cut the crap. Around 30-something, give or take, your body should 'lock in' at a peak physical point. No more slowing down. The body should overall just age favorably, including faster healing time on all skin damages, natural and thorough repair from all deformities, and no more sagging nonsense (we’ve already covered bones). If you go a step further and say involuntary 'death' should not occur, well, just consider you might get bored and this would be one jam-packed planet.
1. Money and Economic Viability
This spot on the list was originally reserved for 'hard work', but after some careful thinking, it turns out that 'hard work' isn’t the real issue. In fact, hard work often leads to pride and satisfaction through achievement. The true problem lies in economic viability. Too often, people find themselves doing work outside of their trade or passion, simply because what they love doing isn’t seen as financially viable or sufficient to earn a living. This is where 'hard work' turns into a burden, making it torturous and unenjoyable—things that should never happen. Many people take jobs just to survive, to make enough money to pay for essentials like food (as discussed earlier). Not only is this something most people never signed up for, but it’s fundamentally unfair, especially on a planet where cheaters, thieves, and irrational financial systems abound. Some people skate by effortlessly, while others work harder but struggle. To make matters worse, those in power, especially in government, often seem to be the greediest of all, and luck often plays a huge role in determining a person’s position in life—think 'dynasties'. It's an unfair system, and it sucks. We desperately need a new definition of 'worth'. The fact that economies are based on little more than shiny stones, mostly gold, is maddening. What’s so great about gold? It doesn’t nourish you, doesn’t improve your health; it just sits there, all shiny and yellow. Well, so does my urine.
