Buzz
At long last, here is the highly awaited follow-up to our earlier list on influencing others! As always, our approach focuses on kindness, with no intention of causing harm, diminishing self-worth, or distorting anyone's perception of reality. These techniques are about gentle persuasion and fostering positive connections, not manipulating or exploiting vulnerable individuals. In this piece, we continue exploring ways to influence others in subtle, yet impactful ways, while maintaining a compassionate outlook and striving to make the world a better place.
10. The Power of Food
Fact: Leverage Hunger to Impact Decision-Making
In a 2011 study at the University of The Negev in Israel, researcher Shai Danziger and his team analyzed over 1000 parole board cases over a span of 10 months. This study, which accounted for 40% of the nation’s parole cases during that period, was significant due to the judges' average of 22 years of experience on the bench. The research revealed an intriguing pattern: judges were more lenient when closer to their last meal. In the morning, the likelihood of a successful parole hearing was about 65%, but it gradually decreased as the day went on.
After lunchtime, the likelihood of a favorable parole decision rose back to around 65%, only to decline again later in the day. The researchers ruled out many other variables and concluded that even seasoned judges are influenced by unconscious factors that affect their decisions. They suggest that as judges become more fatigued from lack of food, they burn through their energy reserves and begin making quicker, less detailed judgments. In situations like parole hearings, where decisions can have serious consequences, this tendency to make rapid judgments leads to a higher likelihood of denying parole, as the judges prioritize caution. This doesn't imply that people are more inclined to make kinder decisions when well-fed, but rather that they are more likely to focus on details and take their time instead of rushing to a safe conclusion until they are nourished again.
9. The Art of Persuasion
Fact: Respond to Others' Rhetorical Techniques or Incomplete Sentences in Ways That Guide the Dialogue
Occasionally, people will use rhetorical tactics by leaving thoughts unfinished, expecting a specific response. This might happen when they are about to express frustration, and if they know the person well, they usually get the answer they want. However, sometimes someone might respond in an unexpected way, leaving the speaker awkwardly trying to redirect the conversation by saying, 'Well, that too, but what I was actually referring to was X.'
This can create a sense of discomfort for both parties, making them feel they should have been more direct from the start. But, if you're aiming to influence someone, you can turn this moment to your advantage when they leave an opening (or leave a sentence incomplete as a rhetorical device). This gives you the chance to insert something you’d like them to consider or accept, in a way that feels like a natural conclusion to their statement, almost as if it originated from them. As long as you respond only after an incomplete rhetorical device, your contribution won't be perceived as interrupting or rude, and they won’t realize you’ve subtly steered the conversation in a different direction.
8. The Power of Solicitousness (try saying that ten times fast!)
Fact: When someone engages in Strategic Incompetence, offer to teach them; be overly solicitous
In today's world, though likely present in ancient times as well, there is a behavior known as 'strategic incompetence.' Essentially, when faced with an undesirable task, a person will claim that they are extremely bad at it and that it’s better if someone else takes over, as they are sure to make a mess of it. They’ll often say they don’t really understand how to do it and that learning would be too much effort.
This often surfaces with chores like doing the dishes or laundry. Instead of confronting them about it or pushing them, show empathy and act like you're trying to resolve the issue. The problem, of course, is that they claim not to know how to do it, so offer to teach them. If they insist it’s too difficult, guide them through the process, step by step. You can emphasize how hard it was for you initially but how, over time, you figured it out and how manageable it is in the end. In the end, they might just prefer to handle it themselves to stop the lesson.
7. The Subtle Art of Praise . . . Kind of
Fact: Praise Them for the Person You Want Them to Become and the Traits You Wish to See in Them
A key to influencing others is to stay positive and help people become the best version of themselves. This doesn’t mean telling lies or praising someone for things they haven’t done or qualities they don’t possess. Also, overdoing it with excessive flattery might make your intentions too obvious and ineffective. Instead, this is a long-term approach. Let small negative actions slide, but always recognize and appreciate the positive behaviors that the person consciously demonstrates.
Don’t expect immediate transformation, but focus on the positive traits you want to nurture. It may start small, but over time, if they feel continuously reinforced for being kind, punctual, generous, and so on, they will be more motivated to keep up these behaviors, while gradually letting go of negative ones. Humans are social beings and thrive on attention. If negative behavior is ignored, it often lacks the energy to persist. Your job is to kindle a small flame and nurture it slowly, allowing it to grow steadily.
6. The Power of Inaction . . . It’s Everything
Fact: Sometimes, Doing Absolutely Nothing Can Be the Most Effective Way to Influence Someone
This ties back to what we discussed earlier: sometimes the best course of action is to simply ignore certain things or do nothing. If someone says or does something that is truly harmful to you or others, it's essential to take a stand. But if the actions are minor and not part of a consistent pattern, sometimes ignoring them and withholding the attention they’re craving can make a significant difference. Negative behavior is often a cry for attention, and by not responding, you prevent reinforcing it and sending the wrong message.
These individuals might lose interest in you if they no longer receive the attention they seek for their negative behavior. This is exactly why you must avoid letting them learn the wrong lesson. If enough people stop reacting to negative behavior or trying to rekindle friendships with those who act in a negative manner, the person has a better chance of realizing their behavior isn’t acceptable and reconsidering their actions. Giving someone unearned chances or reacting angrily to negativity will usually drag you down and make them think they can continue their behavior. Sometimes, doing nothing is the hardest but most effective move.
5. Encourage Openness
Fact: If You Want People to Open Up to You, Be Willing to Share About Yourself in a Thoughtful Way
Getting someone to open up to you can be a challenge. Some people may know you for years and still never share deeply, but one day, for no apparent reason, a personal detail will slip out, and you’ll realize you barely knew them. This happens because everyone goes through tough experiences, some of which are traumatic. These experiences make people vulnerable, and even thinking about them can bring up traumatic emotional pain, affecting even the strongest individuals. This is why people can seem closed off, even those you thought were open.
However, this doesn’t mean that people are completely closed off. While it requires some give and take, as well as a certain level of vulnerability from your side, the best way to uncover deeper insights about a person’s life is to share your own. When you're willing to open up and reveal your toughest, darkest experiences, it encourages others to do the same. Emotional stories and vulnerabilities can be used against you, so by demonstrating trust and removing your own armor first, you can create an environment that allows even the most guarded individuals to reveal things about themselves you’d never expect.
4. The Power of Mimicry
Fact: People are more likely to trust your ideas when they believe your thought process mirrors their own
This involves two tricks in one. First, being an active listener is one of the best ways to influence others. If you truly listen to what someone says, and respond in more meaningful ways than just “mhmm” or “oh yeah, right,” they’ll feel a genuine connection with you. Once you establish that connection, the second trick comes into play—bridging the gap even further between two people. We’re not suggesting you pretend to think like someone else, but instead look for areas where your thought processes align and subtly emphasize that similarity.
Naturally, people trust their own thinking, so they are more inclined to trust someone who thinks similarly. Therefore, by actively listening and identifying moments when you can highlight how your thoughts align with theirs, you’ll build rapport. Over time, the more you emphasize these shared perspectives, the more they’ll see you as someone like them, which in turn makes your suggestions on various matters far more impactful in their minds.
3. Cultivate Positivity
Fact: A Positive Attitude Is Key—When People Feel You Like Them, They’ll Be More Willing to Help You
The most powerful way to influence those around you or encourage them to do things for you is to genuinely be their friend. The essence of friendship lies in truly liking someone, being kind, spending quality time connecting, and offering support when they need it. Don’t settle for a friendship of convenience when there’s no real connection. Be friends with those you genuinely enjoy being with. If you can honestly say that, despite their flaws, you enjoy their company and view them as good people, show it in everything you do—through your actions, your words, and every other form of love you can express.
This isn’t about being a doormat—simply be kind, respectful, and be friends with those you naturally like. When someone believes you truly care about them, they will hold you in higher regard, and they’ll like you more in return. This makes them more likely to value your influence and consider your advice. Ultimately, it’s all about mutual investment. When people feel your genuine investment in them, they will naturally become more invested in you, creating a cycle of friendship, respect, and trust.
To wrap things up, why not show Mytour the same love we have for you by sharing your experiences on how you’ve gotten what you want through clever means in the comments below! You’re awesome!
2. Subtle Influence
Fact: You Can’t Change Someone, But You Can Gently Guide Their Choices
We’ve talked about gradually encouraging someone to become more positive over time, but the reality is that you won’t be able to “change” a person. Individuals are deeply complex, shaped by their own unique experiences and worldviews, which have evolved over years of human interactions and learning, often in ways different from your own. By the time they reach adulthood, most people are essentially who they are, unless some significant event or realization prompts a shift, or they seek help from something like therapy or medication.
Even if someone experiences a major revelation, recognizes they need therapy, or decides they want to change, it’s unlikely to be because you pressured or deceived them into it. As long as someone isn’t truly harmful but has normal flaws, we’re not suggesting these flaws can’t improve over time. But don’t expect them to change completely. Instead, aim to gently guide their choices towards the better. The more positive, kind, and responsible decisions they make, the better they’ll become. Yet, they will remain fundamentally the same person, and if you want a strong friendship or relationship with them, the key is accepting them as they are, cherishing their positive traits, and celebrating what makes your connection special.
1. Ask, Ask, Ask
Fact: If You Want To Challenge Someone’s Point, Ask Numerous Questions; Claim It’s For Clarity
A common mistake people make when attempting to dispute something is that they try to argue. This approach automatically puts others on the defensive, making them far less likely to listen critically to your point. Instead of directly debating or contradicting what they say, master the art of asking “clarifying” questions. Pose several questions about the points they’re making, but frame them in a way that seems like you're simply trying to understand, rather than attempting to prove them wrong.
If their argument is genuinely weak, and they aren’t overly stubborn or closed-minded, they may not immediately change their position after you ask these questions (though sometimes they might), but it will encourage them to reevaluate their stance. It allows them to consider why their argument doesn’t make sense without feeling like you’re attacking or trying to ‘win’ the debate. This technique is especially effective with men, as they often take pride very seriously and may become defensive when challenged. But, if they reflect on it long enough, they’ll usually recognize that their argument doesn’t hold up under scrutiny.
