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Getting your way doesn’t mean turning into Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. You don’t need to be a spoiled brat; you can be a diligent employee asking for a raise or a weary partner hoping for a peaceful evening. Luckily, there are several ways to convince others to help you out—starting with some psychological techniques to get people to do what you want. Here are 10 such tricks to try.
10. Master Your Body Language
Your body language can shape how others perceive you, and it can even sway the opinions of those unsure about you.
For instance, when you adopt a powerful posture (leaning back in your chair with one elbow placed on the backrest), others will perceive you as confident, and they’ll be more likely to comply with your wishes. If you’re at an important meeting, speak directly to those around you and avoid fidgeting—maintain a strong and steady posture. These actions can have a profound effect on your self-assurance and your influence over others.
When you are perceived as a leader or someone powerful, others will be drawn to imitate you; this is called the chameleon effect. The chameleon effect causes people to unconsciously mimic your posture, facial expressions, and gestures, making them resemble you more. This influence can be used to get people to do what you want.
9. The Power of Favors
When you do a favor for someone, they are often compelled to reciprocate. Favors can be incredibly effective when you're trying to get others to do something for you. Even small favors can result in significant returns.
Sociologist Alvin Gouldner proposed that no society can escape the principle of reciprocity. This principle underscores the need to assist those who have helped you. It makes people feel indebted to you and motivates them to repay the favor.
For instance, if you lend a hand to a coworker, when they thank you, make sure to say something like “That’s what partners do for each other.” By framing your act of kindness as a partnership, it encourages your colleague to return the favor.
8. Make a Bold Move!
When you're trying to get someone to do what you want, start with an extravagant proposal. Once they reject it, follow up with a more reasonable suggestion. This second offer will likely be accepted because it seems like a better deal, even though it’s actually the deal you were hoping for all along. (Think of a car salesman asking for an outrageous price, but eventually agreeing on a ‘better’ price after some back-and-forth.)
For instance, when negotiating with your teenager, suggest they complete five chores before getting their Xbox. Naturally, there will be complaints, but they might propose doing just two chores, and you can settle on three. They’ll agree, and you’ll still get the work done that you wanted. Parents for the win!
7. Keep Eye Contact
We’ve all been told to make eye contact when speaking with others. It’s not just a matter of courtesy; eye contact can increase attraction, foster understanding, and signal honesty. Just be sure not to stare too long, or you might come across as creepy.
The Effects of Eye Contact:
- Demonstrates honesty
- Fosters connection
- Enhances comprehension
- Promotes respect
- Boosts empathy
- Encourages attraction
Making eye contact can be a challenge for many, particularly those with social anxiety or conditions such as autism. However, even brief eye contact—just a second or two followed by a quick glance away—can have the same impact as maintaining steady but non-creepy eye contact. This is a skill that can be developed with practice and each social interaction.
6. Use Fear to Spur Action
People with anxiety tend to be the most easily influenced into action. Their cognitive tendencies often focus on the potential risks they might face if they fail to act.
A common example of this is when salespeople use the illusion of scarcity to encourage consumers to buy more. The psychological tactic here is that people tend to want what is rare. Companies often make products appear scarce or offer discounts to prompt customers to purchase before the deal expires.
Other examples of scarcity tactics used by companies include:
- Seasonal promotions; “Summer Outdoor Sale.”
- Countdown for shipping, sale price, or purchases; “Hurry, free shipping ends in X:XX:XX”
- Stock shortage alerts; “Only 7 items left in stock.”
- Limited edition products; “75/1000 units available.”
- Real-time activity reminders; “X people have this item in their cart right now.”
5. Like Your Mom Said, Use Their Name
As a general rule, it’s better to use someone’s name rather than simply saying “Hey, you.” This is especially effective when you’re asking for something. Just using their name draws them in and gets them to listen. After all, we’re all conditioned from birth to respond to our name.
In many workplaces, employees wear name tags, and it’s essential to take advantage of this. Use nameplates, door signs, online profiles, etc., to create a connection. Even if you don’t know the person, using their name will lead them to believe you have a relationship. This is a surprisingly powerful tool that’s often overlooked.
4. Get Fired Up to Spark Excitement in Others
If you want to motivate others to do something, you need to show your own excitement. Speak highly of the task, hype up the location, or celebrate the anticipated success. When people see your enthusiasm, they’ll naturally catch your energy.
Parents and teachers are prime examples of people who know how to spark enthusiasm to create enthusiasm:
- No one can energize a group of bored 7th graders like a quirky teacher passionately explaining the cell’s powerhouse. (That’s the mitochondria, by the way).
- Parents excel at getting their kids to brush their teeth with the help of a silly, made-up song. (For example, “Brush, brush, brush your teeth. Brush your stinky teeth,” to the tune of Row, Row, Row Your Boat).
3. Don’t Assume They Can Read Your Mind
We all go through our days giving and receiving, typically in exchange for something—whether it’s food, money, or better health. However, when you need something from someone else, you can’t leave it to chance. You need to be direct and clear. What seems obvious to you, because it’s in your head all day, might not be clear to others—unless, of course, they’re mind readers (in that case, kudos to you).
When you approach someone to ask for something, make sure you present your case. Provide any relevant details that help explain why you’re requesting it, and then ask for it.
Be as specific as possible. Avoid being vague, and don’t make it a drawn-out process. Keep it brief and to the point. For best results, remember to incorporate some of the tips above—such as maintaining eye contact, choosing the right time of day, and adjusting your speaking pace.
2. Take Your Time
The way you speak can be more impactful than the words you use. Engage in conversation with others, don’t just talk at them. The rhythm, tone, speed, and pitch of your voice are the key components of effective persuasion.
For example, in films and literature, a king is often portrayed as composed. Calm. While others may rush to inform him of matters, the king remains unshaken, taking his time. He doesn’t fidget, standing with control. When he speaks, it’s with deliberate precision.
People subconsciously pick up on these cues and respond to them. By controlling your speaking pace, you control the flow of the conversation. Speaking rapidly creates a sense of urgency, which diminishes your authority and puts you at the mercy of others. On the other hand, speaking slowly and thoughtfully helps you maintain control and authority in the conversation. Calmness reigns supreme.
1. Time of Day Works in Your Favor
Image credit: Wikimedia Commons
Timing is crucial when you want to get someone to do something. When you were a child, you knew the perfect moment to ask your mom for a favor or to grab a broom and start cleaning. You could feel it. The same principle applies in many situations today.
You don’t have to force the right moment; instead, take advantage of the ones available to you. If you know your colleague tends to be more receptive after lunch, schedule a meeting then. They’ll likely be more willing to take on a new task when they’re relaxed and well-fed.
