10 Psychological Strategies to Influence Others

Before we begin, it's crucial to highlight that none of these techniques involve manipulative practices. We avoid anything that could harm someone's well-being or damage their self-esteem. These methods are designed to help you connect with others and positively influence them without causing harm or being disrespectful.

10. Request a Favor

Trick: Ask someone to do a small favor for you — this is also known as the Benjamin Franklin effect.

According to legend, Benjamin Franklin once sought to win over a man who disliked him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book, and when it was returned, Franklin expressed his gratitude. As a result, the man, who had previously refused to engage with him, became close friends with Franklin. As Franklin wisely put it: 'He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.'

Researchers decided to test this idea and found that people who were asked to do a personal favor for someone rated that person more favorably than those who weren't asked. It might seem surprising, but the concept actually holds up. If someone does something nice for you, they are likely to justify it by thinking you must be worth helping, which in turn makes them like you more.

9. Set Ambitious Goals

Trick: Start by asking for far more than what you actually need, and then reduce the request later.

This technique is known as the 'door-in-the-face' strategy. Initially, you make an exaggerated request—something that is likely to be denied. Afterward, you follow up with a much more reasonable request—the one you actually wanted all along. Though it may seem illogical, the underlying principle is that the person will feel guilty for turning down the first unreasonable request, and as a result, they will be more inclined to agree to the second, more reasonable one.

Researchers tested this concept and found that it worked remarkably well as long as the same individual made both the larger and smaller request. This creates a sense of obligation for the person to help you on the second ask, but not for anyone else.

8. The Power of Names

Trick: Address someone by their name or title, depending on the context.

Dale Carnegie, the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, emphasized the importance of using a person's name. He argued that a person's name is the most pleasant sound to them in any language, as it represents the core of their identity. Hearing their name affirms their existence, making them more likely to feel positively toward the person who acknowledges them.

However, using a title or form of address can also have a strong influence, according to the as if principle. This concept suggests that if you act like a certain type of person, you will become that person, much like a self-fulfilling prophecy. To apply this to influence, you can refer to someone by the role you want them to embrace, encouraging them to view themselves in that light. For example, calling an acquaintance you wish to become closer to 'friend' or 'mate,' or referring to someone you want to work for as 'boss.' Be careful, though: this can come across as overly cheesy.

7. Complimenting Others

Trick: Flattery can truly take you far.

At first glance, this might seem like common knowledge, but there are a few crucial nuances to keep in mind. First, it's vital that the flattery is perceived as genuine; otherwise, it can backfire. Researchers have explored why people respond to flattery and uncovered some significant insights.

In simple terms, they discovered that people strive for cognitive balance, aiming to keep their thoughts and feelings in harmony. So when you flatter someone with high self-esteem, and they perceive it as sincere, they’ll likely develop a stronger affection for you, as you're confirming their self-perception. However, if you flatter someone with low self-esteem, it might have the opposite effect, as it could disrupt their self-image. Of course, this doesn't imply that you should belittle those with low self-esteem!

6. Reflecting Behavior

Trick: Imitate their actions.

Imitating, also known as mimicry, is something that some individuals do instinctively. Those who possess this ability are often referred to as chameleons, blending in by copying others' behaviors, mannerisms, and even their way of speaking. However, this technique can also be employed deliberately, and it's an excellent way to become more likable.

Studies on mimicry revealed that individuals who were imitated were far more likely to respond positively to the person who copied them. Even more fascinating was the finding that people who were imitated tended to be kinder and more cooperative toward others in general, even those not involved in the mimicking. The likely explanation for this is that mirroring someone’s actions makes them feel acknowledged. While this recognition is mostly associated with the person who mimicked them, it enhances the individual's self-esteem, boosting their confidence, happiness, and overall positive interactions with others.

5. Exploit Fatigue

Trick: Ask for favors when people are feeling drained.

When someone is exhausted, they are more open to anything said to them, whether it's a statement or a request. This occurs because fatigue affects not only the body but also mental energy. When you request something from a tired person, you may not get a firm answer, but instead, a response like "I'll do it tomorrow," as they want to avoid making decisions at that moment. The next day, they are likely to follow through because people generally feel an innate need to honor their commitments and keep their word.

4. Present an Irresistible Offer

Trick: Begin with a small request they can’t turn down, then gradually escalate.

This method is the opposite of the door-in-the-face technique. Rather than starting with a huge ask, you begin with something minor. Once someone has agreed to help or make a commitment, they’re more likely to agree to a larger request. Researchers have studied this concept in the context of marketing.

For example, they initially asked people to show support for rain forests and the environment, a relatively simple request. After securing their agreement, they discovered that these individuals were more inclined to purchase products supporting rain forests. However, don’t bombard them with requests right after the first one. Psychologists found that waiting a day or two before making a second request significantly increases its effectiveness.

3. Give a Nod

Trick: Nod frequently while speaking, especially when preparing to ask for a favor.

Studies have shown that when people nod while listening, they are more likely to agree with what is being said. It’s also been found that when someone nods repeatedly in front of them, it’s instinctive for them to mimic the same action. This happens because humans naturally imitate behaviors, especially those that seem positive. So, to be even more persuasive, make a habit of nodding throughout your conversation. The person you’re speaking to will likely mirror the gesture and start feeling more inclined toward what you’re saying without realizing it.

2. Echo Their Words

Trick: Paraphrase what people say and repeat it back to them.

One of the most impactful ways to influence others is by showing them that you truly understand their emotions and that you empathize with them. A powerful method for achieving this is by restating what they say and reflecting it back to them, known as reflective listening. Studies have shown that when therapists use reflective listening, clients are more likely to open up emotionally and establish a stronger therapeutic relationship.

This approach can easily be applied to your conversations with friends. By listening closely to what they share and restating it as a question to confirm your understanding, they will feel more at ease with you. This also enhances your friendship, as they are more likely to listen to your perspective since you’ve demonstrated genuine care and attention toward them.

1. Remain Silent

Trick: Avoid correcting others when they make mistakes.

In his renowned book, Carnegie emphasized that telling someone they are wrong is often unnecessary and can actually push them away rather than draw them closer. There is, however, a way to express disagreement while maintaining a respectful conversation that doesn't hurt their ego. This technique, known as the Ransberger Pivot, was developed by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The concept is simple: instead of engaging in an argument, listen attentively to their perspective, try to understand their feelings and reasoning, and then highlight the common ground you share. From there, you can explain your own viewpoint, which makes them more receptive to what you have to say and allows you to correct them without causing embarrassment.