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History teachers likely face a daunting task; instructing middle schoolers on classic mythology while tactfully avoiding certain scenes, especially when Zeus takes an unusual interest in animals.
Ancient societies were far less reserved than we are today. The myths that form the foundation of classical religions are brimming with bizarre and scandalous tales. While your teacher might have hinted at Zeus's numerous affairs, that barely scratches the surface. Many of these ancient stories are more explicit than anything you’ve encountered.
10. The Egyptian Creation Myth Begins With A God Engaging In Self-Pleasure
The Egyptians had multiple versions of their creation myth, but one version is particularly striking. It begins similarly to the Bible but includes a detail that’s unlikely to appear in any middle school lesson:
According to the myth, in the beginning, there was nothing until Atum, the first god, emerged. Atum was both male and female, possessing a “female part” in his hand. He created the first gods and then explicitly described to the universe, in vivid terms, how he accomplished this feat.
“I united with my hand,” Atum proclaimed. “I placed my seed into my own mouth and then released it, bringing forth the gods Shu and Tefnut.”
And thus, the universe came into existence.
9. Aphrodite’s Origin Began When Uranus’s Genitals Were Cast Into The Sea
Aphrodite’s origin begins with her father, Uranus, who was castrated by his son. Uranus had fathered monstrous beings like cyclopes, and to stop his terrifying offspring, Gaia orchestrated his castration. Cronus, Uranus’s son, carried out the act and tossed his father’s genitals into the ocean.
As Uranus’s organs landed in the sea, they produced a “white foam.” While the myths don’t explicitly define this foam, it’s likely what you’re thinking—because from this foam emerged Aphrodite, the goddess of love.
8. Loki Secured A Rope Around His Testicles For A Tug-Of-War
A well-known Norse myth begins with the gods hosting a celebration to honor the slaying of the giant Thjazi. The festivities are interrupted when Thjazi’s daughter, Skadi, arrives seeking vengeance. However, the gods cleverly persuade her to accept reparations instead, settling the matter of her father’s death.
Odin hurls Thjazi’s eyes into the sky, transforming them into stars, Njord agrees to wed Skadi, and Loki is given the challenge of making her laugh. He accomplishes this in the most outrageous manner possible: by tying a rope to a goat, removing his pants, and attaching the other end to his testicles, initiating a bizarre game of tug-of-war with the goat.
Skadi can’t help but laugh, and the conflict is resolved.
7. Centaurs Were Notorious Rapists
The tale of the centaurs begins with the Greek god Ixion attempting to assault Hera. Zeus discovers his scheme and deceives Ixion by crafting a cloud resembling Hera. Mistaking the cloud for Hera, Ixion engages with it, resulting in the cloud becoming pregnant. From this union, the centaurs are born, making them the offspring of a god and a non-consenting cloud.
The centaurs inherit their father’s vile nature; nearly all are known for their predatory behavior. One infamous centaur, Nessus, even attempts to assault Hercules’s wife. Though he fails and is killed by her, his final act is despicable. Nessus deceives her with poison disguised as a love potion, instructing her to administer it to Hercules. With his dying breath, he claims it must be mixed with his semen to work.
6. Norse Legends Speak of Trolls Who Urinate Into Wells
In a well-known Norse legend, the mighty sea-king Hrolfr comes across a troll known as a “Brunnmigi.” These trolls belong to a specific group named for their defining behavior—urinating into wells and fountains.
This tale isn’t about a single troll’s actions; an entire species is characterized by this habit. Just as birds fly and fish swim, Brunnmigi are known for contaminating wells.
Hrolfr, however, appears unfazed. He and his men collect water from the very well the Brunnmigi is using and drink it.
5. Osiris’s Penis Is Devoured By Fish
In the myth of Osiris, he temporarily leaves Egypt and returns to a hostile reception. His brother Set, desiring to usurp the throne, ambushes him with assassins, traps him in a coffin, and hurls it into the Nile.
Osiris’s wife, Isis, is heartbroken and uses her magical powers to locate the coffin. However, she isn’t fast enough. To prevent her from finding Osiris, Set dismembers his body into 14 pieces and scatters them across Egypt.
Isis successfully locates every part of her beloved except one—his penis. According to the tale, Nile fish have consumed his penis, making it irretrievable.
Despite this, Isis ensures the throne remains out of Set’s grasp by creating an heir. Using her magic, she revives Osiris briefly, allowing her to conceive Horus by engaging with her reanimated husband.
4. Priapus Suffers From A Permanent Erection
Priapus, a Greek god rarely featured in history textbooks, is said to be the offspring of either Dionysus and Aphrodite or Zeus and Aphrodite. He is famously depicted with an enormous, unending erection.
Priapus’s distinctive appearance stems from a curse Hera placed on Aphrodite’s womb, resulting in a child with “genitals protruding above his buttocks.” He remains perpetually erect and, in every tale, is preoccupied with attempting to engage in sexual acts.
This bizarre story isn’t entirely unique. Priapus was likely inspired by the Egyptian god Min, the patron of male sexuality. Min is often portrayed with an erect, exposed penis, typically held in his left hand. He is associated with fertility and, interestingly, lettuce.
3. Horus and Set Engaged in a Semen Battle
The most peculiar myth originates from Egypt, and if the previous stories were unsettling, you might want to skip this one.
Even after Horus ascends to the throne, Set remains discontent and devises a scheme to usurp it. In ancient Egyptian belief, anyone who was dominated like a woman couldn’t rule, so Set assaults Horus at night to undermine his kingship.
Horus reveals his stained hands to his mother, Isis, who responds decisively. She first cuts off her son’s hands, then causes Horus to become erect and collect his semen in a pot. Isis pours the contents into Set’s lettuce, which he consumes unknowingly, resulting in him becoming pregnant with Horus’s child.
The two present their case before a court, where Horus proves Set is carrying his child. With the evidence of Set’s assault destroyed due to Horus’s missing hands, Horus retains the throne.
2. Loki Gave Birth To A Horse’s Offspring
In a Norse legend, the gods strike a deal with a giant: he can marry a goddess if he constructs a wall in one winter. When it appears the giant might succeed, the gods grow anxious—until Loki devises a scheme to thwart him.
Loki transforms into a mare, seduces the giant’s horse, and lures it away. Without his horse, the giant fails to complete the wall on time. Thor then kills the giant for good measure, ensuring the gods avoid honoring their end of the bargain.
Loki, however, doesn’t escape the giant’s horse unscathed. He spends the night with the stallion, becomes pregnant, and gives birth to an eight-legged foal. This offspring is no minor figure in Norse mythology—it’s Sleipnir, the legendary steed ridden by Odin.
1. Romans Venerated a Winged Phallus
A Roman god mentioned in Pliny’s writings remains shrouded in mystery. Pliny speaks of “Fascinus,” a deity who shields people from the evil eye, noting that soldiers would hang his symbol beneath their chariots to repel envy. While historians lack definitive details about Fascinus’s appearance, all indications suggest he was depicted as a colossal, winged phallus.
Romans carried charms known as fascinum, which were almost certainly representations of Fascinus. These were winged phallic symbols, sometimes even shown with talons clutching two additional phalluses.
Incidentally, the English word “fascinate” derives from Fascinus. So, the next time you describe something as “fascinating,” ensure it’s truly deserving—because if it’s not as intriguing as a flying phallus, it likely doesn’t live up to its origin.
+Further Reading
For your reading enjoyment, here’s more mythology from the archives—this time, it’s G-Rated!
10 Faces Of Death From World Mythology 10 Magic Weapons From Mythology And Legend Top 10 Failed Seductions From Greek Mythology 10 Fascinating Stories Of Mythological Kings 10 Amazing Mythological Treasures 10 Modern Encounters With Mythological Creatures
