Buzz
No other scientific concept triggers as much frustration as evolution. Walk up to random people on the street and start talking about string theory, and you’ll likely get brushed off—bring up evolution, however, and you might be met with a punch. A recent Gallup poll revealed that only fifteen percent of people believe we evolved by chance, which is fewer than those who still believe Obama is Muslim. Thankfully, there are plenty of other theories for the remaining 270 million to consider.
10. Intelligent Design
Imagine your great-grandfather stumbling upon an iPad on his way to a speakeasy or whatever they did back then—he’d probably recognize it as a manmade item, even if he didn’t know what it was. That’s the essence of intelligent design. In this analogy, your great-grandfather is like a scientist, and the iPad is humanity. ID asserts that some things are simply too complex to have come about by random chance. Instead of assuming we are just improbable sacks of flesh, we should seek out the celestial counterpart to Steve Jobs. And did I mention that the GOP loves it? Among the key candidates in the 2012 election, three openly supported ID, while Mitt Romney somehow managed to back both ID and evolution. There are even a few scientists who support the theory, though they are outnumbered by those who reject it.
9. Morphic Resonance
8. Christian Science
Many of us may recognize Christian Science from the oddly secular news source, the Christian Science Monitor. However, while the CSM generally supports evolution, the movement behind it offers a unique perspective on how we came to be: according to them, we didn’t.
Christian Science is a part of the New Thought movement, which believes that God is everywhere and everything is divine. Christian Science took this belief a step further by asserting that only spirit exists, and everything around you—your Xbox 360, the annoying neighbor, the tablet you're reading this on—is merely an illusion. Since this includes the Earth, the fossil record, and all the animals, the concept of evolution becomes irrelevant, much like questioning where the talking lions in your dreams came from.
7. Cosmic Ancestry
Since the time Moses penned the Book of Genesis, we’ve generally accepted that the universe had a beginning. Whether it was initiated by God or the Big Bang, most of us agree that there was a moment before reality as we know it existed. This is not the case in Cosmic Ancestry theory.
Supporters of Cosmic Ancestry claim that the universe has always existed, and life has always been a part of it. According to this theory, complex life—meaning you, me, and everyone reading this—came into being when space microbes landed on Earth and began multiplying. These microbes carried traces of other, more advanced life forms from elsewhere in the cosmos, and as a result, we evolved to mirror it, just as it evolved to mirror even earlier forms of life, and so on and so forth. Since the universe is eternal, this cycle has always been in motion and will continue forever. It almost makes sense—if you conveniently disregard the overwhelming evidence for the Big Bang and the complete lack of proof for extraterrestrial life... not to mention the issues with infinite causal regression.
6. Ancient Astronauts
Ancient Astronaut theory is somewhat like Intelligent Design for Cosmic Ancestry: the foundational elements are the same, but randomness has been booted out of the equation. If you’ve watched *Prometheus*, you’ll have a good sense of the general idea: aliens visited Earth millions of years ago and planted the seeds of life, either for some obscure future goal or perhaps just for fun. Advocates point to references in ancient texts that seem to describe flying saucers and cite structures like the Pyramids and the Mayan calendar as proof that extraterrestrials influenced the course of human evolution. Whether or not you accept the science, there’s no denying how exciting the concept is.
5. Progressive Creationism
We’re all familiar with the story of Genesis chapter one: God creates the Earth in six days, then takes a break on the seventh because even gods need some downtime. What you might not realize is that each of these ‘days’ actually lasted millions of years and involved quite a bit of evolution.
It’s true: in progressive creationism, God gradually formed plants, animals, and other life forms over extended periods to help them acclimate to one another. During this time, a great deal of evolution took place to make species better adapted to the world, but importantly, no species transitioned into an entirely new one. Essentially, it’s a way to reconcile the geologic record (which indicates the Earth is billions of years old) with creationism (which suggests it’s around six thousand), while still keeping us distinct from apes and other animals.
4. Punctuated Equilibrium
Out of all the theories on this list, Punctuated Equilibrium is by far the most widely accepted. For starters, it’s not a completely separate theory from traditional evolution—more like a refinement. Additionally, it has the backing of many reputable scientists because it helps address several long-standing issues.
The problem with the fossil record is that a lot is missing. If evolution is a slow and steady process, it stands to reason there should be tons of transitional fossils out there—but we haven’t found them yet. This could be because we haven’t dug them up, or it could be because transitional forms don’t stick around for long. According to Punctuated Equilibrium, this happens because evolution occurs in rapid bursts, often triggered by major global events. After millions of years of stability, a sudden environmental shift sends a species into overdrive. Once things calm down some fifty thousand years later, only the ‘fittest’ remain, and it’s their evolved descendants that show up in the fossil record. This theory is convincing, solves several issues, and its creator even appeared on the Simpsons. What’s not to love?
3. Creationism
In contrast to the progressive version at number five, Creationism asserts that everything in Genesis is entirely true. Literally: God created the Earth and all life in it in six 24-hour days, we are all descendants of Noah, and at some point, there were giants. Furthermore, the Earth is only six thousand years old, so any geological evidence suggesting otherwise—including the fossil record—is either bogus or deliberately placed by God to test our faith. As a theory, Creationism is as far removed from evolution as possible without outright declaring war on Darwin—it’s so controversial that even the former Archbishop of Canterbury opposed teaching it. But hey, if that’s your belief, you’re not alone. According to the Gallup Poll I referenced earlier, forty-six percent of Americans support Creationism. That’s about 144 million people within driving distance.
2. Scientology
If you’ve ever watched an episode of South Park, you likely have a rough idea of what Scientology is about. Volcanoes, thetans, and John Travolta’s career after Pulp Fiction, right?
Yep, and there’s even more chaos beyond that. The movement’s key text on evolution is L. Ron Hubbard’s ‘A History of Man’—taken literally, it claims we evolved from birds to sloths, then to apes, and spent a few thousand years as the Piltdown Man. If interpreted symbolically, it still insists that we’re the product of an alien consciousness, exploded with hydrogen bombs millions of years ago, drifting through various animals until we ended up as humans. Due to a bunch of animal memories stuck in our brains, we now experience things like indecision, jealousy, and toothaches, all of which can only be fixed through a rigorous and incredibly expensive treatment.
1. Theistic Evolution
Theistic evolution is as close as science gets to having both Darwin and God tag-team the story of life. While many Christians reject evolution as being at odds with the Bible, those who embrace TE welcome it as proof of God’s incredible brilliance. The concept remains that God created the universe and everything in it, but this time, He used science as His tool. That’s right: the Big Bang, quantum physics, the speed of light, and evolution were all the result of Prof. God mixing atoms in His celestial science lab and setting off an explosion to see where it would go. It’s a pretty clever approach—believers don’t need to argue about science versus religion, because for them, there is no distinction. We might as well get on with life and stop stressing, which is a pretty solid stance to take.
