Buzz
The end may be approaching, or so the peculiar man in the sandwich board insists. Thankfully, we still have some time to get ready for what life will look like after the great disaster. Let’s take this opportunity to prepare for the unexpected.
10. You’ll Still Have to Pay Taxes (If You’re Among the Wealthy)
The IRS might be a lot of things (most of which are, frankly, not printable), but one thing we can’t deny is their persistence. They’ve even planned how to keep collecting taxes after a nuclear catastrophe. According to the IRS’s guide, they expect to resume operations within 30 days following a nuclear strike. Thankfully, their focus will be on “taxes that generate the highest revenue.” So, looks like it’s time to target the one percent. Honestly, if you showed this to someone from the Occupy Movement, they’d sleep soundly that night.
9. We’ll Rely on Carrier Pigeons
8. WWE Matches Will Keep Us Entertained
In the last few decades, WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) has gathered over 125,000 tapes of wrestling events. This isn’t just entertainment; it’s history, as future generations need to understand the phenomenon of Hulkamania. To safeguard this treasure from any potential global disasters, the WWE has stored nearly half of its collection (60,000 assets) in a nuclear-proof vault in the Catskill Mountains of New York. So, when the apocalypse strikes, we may face many challenges, but going without steroid-fueled athletes smashing each other through tables won’t be one of them.
7. Bacterial Data Storage
No matter what kind of apocalyptic event we face, there’s one thing we can count on: all of our current methods for storing essential data will become obsolete. After all, data stored electronically is vulnerable to EMPs (electromagnetic pulses), flooding, fires, power outages, and the classic disaster of “a building collapsing on top of the server.”
With this challenge in mind, a team of scientists has figured out how to store data in the DNA of bacteria, specifically the lyrics to “It’s a Small World After All.” They encoded the song into the DNA’s four-letter sequence—A, G, T, and C—and then synthesized this code into artificial DNA, which was introduced into bacteria like E. coli. As the bacteria reproduced, the message was passed down through each generation, essentially making it immortal. Even more remarkable, certain types of bacteria can endure extreme environments, like those found in a post-apocalyptic world.
6. Scavenging for Fuel Won’t Be an Option
One of the most iconic images of the post-apocalyptic world—thanks to films like Mad Max—is that fuel will become the ultimate currency. Forget about money, gold, or diamonds: when the mega-smallpox pandemic hits, you’ll need gasoline to trade, or you’ll be left starving.
Or maybe not. The issue with ethanol-based fuels like gasoline is that they have a shelf life. Ethanol is hygroscopic, meaning it absorbs water, and even a small amount—like a tablespoon—can contaminate and ruin the fuel. Over time, the fuel naturally attracts water. Experts advise that after filling your car, it should be used within a month. Even when stored in airtight containers, gasoline only lasts about six months. So what does this mean for us? Well, when we need fuel, we won’t be able to scavenge it from abandoned vehicles (unless they’ve been left recently). Stockpiling won’t work either, as the fuel will eventually expire no matter what we do.
“But, what about the refineries?” you might ask. The short answer is: “What refineries?” Any event capable of collapsing civilization as we know it will surely leave such facilities inoperable. If the refineries aren’t destroyed outright, the workforce will either be wiped out or too afraid to leave their bunkers.
5. We’ll Be Drinking Beer and Soda
In 1955, as part of “Operation Teapot,” the US government decided to test how a nuclear explosion would impact “commercially packaged beverages.” Essentially, they detonated an atomic bomb near cans and bottles of soda and beer, all to determine whether we could still enjoy our drinks during a nuclear winter.
The outcome? Surprisingly good. Both the soda and beer were found to be of acceptable quality (though, depending on their proximity to the bomb, the flavor might have been slightly altered), leading scientists to conclude that these beverages could easily serve as critical water sources.
4. We’ll Need Our Giant Seed Vault
Deep within the Arctic Archipelago (not far from the North Pole) lies the Svalbard Global Seed Vault. Constructed by Norway at a cost of $9 million, it looks exactly like what you'd expect a supervillain’s lair to resemble—if that supervillain had an intense interest in crop preservation. The facility—engineered to survive nearly any disaster—is carved 120 meters (roughly 400 feet) into a mountain, equipped with a fully automated security system, and even has a scanner to detect bombs that might be concealed in seed shipments.
Inside, there are over 770,000 different seed varieties, stored at a chilling -18 Celsius (around 0° F). The goal is to provide a long-term storage solution for seeds, ensuring that, in the event of a global catastrophe, we have a reliable source of seeds to restore agriculture.
3. The Hornsleth Deep Storage Project
This summer, artist Kristian von Hornsleth plans to launch what he calls a “DNA encapsulation sculpture” into the Mariana Trench. In simpler terms, it’s a sculpture filled with human DNA samples.
Measuring 8 meters by 8 meters (26 feet by 26 feet), this star-shaped sculpture is set to be filled with samples of human blood and hair collected from over 5,000 people across the globe. After being sealed, it will be dropped into the deepest part of the ocean. While it serves as a piece of art, its true purpose is simple: to store the human genome in a secure location (Cthulhu or not).
The sculpture's surface is made from electropolished stainless steel, which will prevent rust from eating away at it. Additionally, it’s coated with a special nano-engineered layer that will stop plants and other organic material from growing on it, ensuring it stays as shiny as the day it’s dropped into the ocean. This will certainly help when we try to locate it a century later, especially after the rise of the veloci-honey badgers.
2. LAGEOS-1 Will Help Us Track Time
LAGEOS-1, also known as the Laser Geodynamics Satellite-1, is a spherical satellite currently orbiting Earth. Its primary task is to monitor tectonic plate movement and the planet's shape by reflecting laser beams sent from Earth. And yes, that's why it looks like a glorified golf ball.
But it has an additional purpose. Thanks to Carl Sagan, the interior of LAGEOS-1 features a plaque showcasing Earth at three distinct points in time: 268 million years ago (when all the continents were a single massive landmass), the present day (when the satellite launched in 1976), and 8.4 million years into the future. As a result, anyone who discovers the LAGEOS plaque when it returns to Earth will be able to roughly determine the date by comparing a map of their Earth to the second and third LAGEOS maps.
1. 3-D Printed Meals Made from Mealworms
Until those seeds can grow, we’ll need to find alternative ways to feed ourselves. Enter the Dutch Organization for Applied Scientific Research. They are currently investigating the use of 3-D food printing, with ingredients that include algae, insects, and mealworms.
At present, their research is in the early stages; however, they have successfully produced a 3-D-printed shortbread cookie made from milled mealworms. Of course, this work isn’t being done for post-apocalyptic scenarios—rather, they are exploring 3-D printing as a method to provide astronauts with a more varied diet—but it’s easy to see how this could be applied in a post-apocalyptic world.
