Buzz
Holiday specials often seem somewhat predictable. How many times can you reshape A Christmas Carol or The Gift of the Magi into a sitcom narrative? Here’s a selection of episodes worth noting, whether because they’re unusual, unique, or simply because we enjoy them.
1. A Very Special Bewitched
Bewitched aired many classic Christmas episodes over its eight-season span, but the 1970 episode "Sisters at Heart" sparked enough controversy to warrant a special introduction by Elizabeth Montgomery, at the request of the show's sponsor, Oscar Mayer:
The episode that had the network so uneasy centered on young Tabitha’s wish to be sisters with her African-American friend, Lisa. To make them appear alike, Tabby uses her magic to give herself black polka dots and white ones to Lisa. This episode would likely still stir controversy today, due to Tabitha’s brief appearance in blackface. The original concept was submitted by a 10th-grade English class from L.A.’s Thomas Jefferson High School.
2. Whoa, Jablonsky!
It's Christmas at the Bundy household, which means Al is feeling more downhearted than ever: "The stockings were hung round Dad's neck like a tie, along with a note that said 'Presents or Die.'"
As Al struggles with a set of faulty lights, he grumbles and wishes he had never been born. Before you can say "It’s a Bundyful Life," guardian angel Sam Kinison appears to show Al what life would be like if he had never existed. Married...with Children took a dark spin on the classic James Stewart film, revealing a world where Peggy made wholesome meals, Bud was a refined gentleman, and Kelly was a pure college student. Al decides he wants to live after all... just to ensure his family stays as miserable as they always made him.
3. "The Puppy Santa Brought Me Won't Wake Up!"
Many forget that December 25 is a regular workday for many — nurses, firefighters, police officers... and radio DJs. In the episode titled "Miracle on Third or Fourth Street," we find Dr. Frasier Crane working at the station on Christmas Day, taking calls from (as his disgruntled producer Roz predicted) the loneliest and most despondent listeners in the area. After his shift, Frasier (dressed unusually in old jeans and a worn-out sweatshirt) finds an open diner and treats himself to a turkey log with mashed potatoes. When he realizes he left his wallet at the station, his fellow diners — thinking he’s homeless — pool their coins to cover his meal. Touched by this "true meaning of Christmas" gesture, Frasier decides to walk home in the snow rather than risk being seen getting into his BMW.
4. The Draft Dodger
"The Draft Dodger" first aired in 1976, four years before President Jimmy Carter granted amnesty to men who fled to Canada to avoid the Vietnam War draft. David Brewster, a draft-dodging friend of Meathead, has been living in Canada but decides to visit the U.S. for the holidays, since his father refuses to see him. Meanwhile, Archie has invited his old friend Pinky Peterson (whose only son died in Vietnam) to Christmas dinner. Mike and Gloria work to keep David's fugitive status a secret from Archie, but once it’s revealed, it sparks a heated debate. Archie, a World War II vet who served when called, argues that no one wants to go to war and die, but a true American follows their government’s orders. Pinky, however, believes that if his son were alive, he’d welcome David to the dinner table. A deeply emotional and thought-provoking episode that remains relevant today.
5. I Guess I'll Lick My Lolly Later
"Don't Bring Your Guns to Town, Santa" was a change of pace for The Partridge Family; it featured a lengthy fantasy sequence where the characters played old-time Western figures, and for a change, the youngest Partridges (Chris and Tracy) actually had a few lines! Reuben Kincaid played Mean Sidney, who stole the town’s Christmas bell in the story, and Danny took on the role of the heroic Little the Kid. David Cassidy, as Sheriff Swell, musically narrated the scene to the tune of "The Ballad of High Noon." You can find a 9-minute clip from the episode on YouTube.
6. Like Booze Ever Killed Anybody
There's always that one show-off at the office who exceeds the dollar limit for the grab-bag exchange. (Of course, I was never the one who ended up with that gift; no, my Secret Santa always stuck to the budget to the penny, which meant I got things like tiny soaps shaped like Santa Claus. A few showers later and Santa looked more like a suppository. But I digress.) The crew at Dunder Mifflin (The Office) organizes a Secret Santa swap with a $20 limit, but as presents are opened at the party, ranging from a video iPod to a hand-knitted oven mitt, Michael insists they all play Yankee Swap. With Michael adding forbidden alcohol (15 bottles of vodka for 20 people), you just know things are going to get less than merry.
7. Don't Even Know How to Snow Proper Out Here
No, it’s not politically correct to laugh at uneducated backwoods folks unfamiliar with modern conveniences... but there’s something endearing and hilarious (and downright funny) about the Clampett family’s first Christmas in Beverly Hills. Try not to crack up when Granny mistakes the TV for a newfangled washing machine.
8. Modern Christmas
In this Green Acres episode, we get a fresh take on the "longing for a traditional Christmas" trope. Oliver Wendell Douglas wants to celebrate the holiday like the American farmer of old—by going out with an axe to chop down his own tree and decorating it with popcorn from his corn crib. Naturally, things aren’t that easy in Hooterville. First, he discovers that a conservation law prevents him from cutting down trees on his own property. Then, he can’t stir any outrage among his neighbors, who prefer the "modern" method of buying an artificial tree from Drucker's Store, complete with spruce spray, fake sap, wax popcorn, and fiberglass candy canes. (Watch it here.)
9. Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
Although it was actually the eighth episode produced, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" was the first full-length episode of the series to air. It debuted on December 17, 1989 — interestingly, the same night as the previously mentioned Married...With Children Christmas special — and it set the tone for the show’s future. It’s Christmas, and Bart decides that a "Mother" tattoo will be the perfect surprise for Marge. She catches him at the "Moth" stage in the tattoo parlor and has to spend the family’s entire Christmas budget on a laser removal procedure. Homer’s Christmas bonus falls through, so he takes a job as a department store Santa to earn some extra cash. When Bart climbs onto his lap, he utters, "I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?" for the first time. In a desperate attempt to make more money, Homer goes to the dog track and bets on a long shot called Santa’s Little Helper. The slow greyhound loses the race but wins a new home with the Simpsons.
10. "Three French hens!"
Nothing gets those visions of sugarplums dancing in your head like Lou Grant shouting, "Three French hens!" And how often do you get to see Mary Tyler Moore wearing a World War I German spear-head helmet? Sue Ann Nivens, The Happy Homemaker, is filming her Christmas special ("Holiday Yummies from Worldwide Tummies") in early November. When a snowstorm strands the WJM newsroom staff, Sue Ann enlists them to help set her holiday dinner table. The only issue is that Murray, Ted, Lou, and even the normally gentle and angelic Mary have been bickering all day over petty squabbles, and no one is in a festive mood.
11. Oh Boy, Cheddar Month!
How many times has a friend or coworker caught you off guard with a perfectly wrapped gift after you both agreed on "no gifts this year"? That’s exactly what happened to the FYI team when Murphy Brown persuaded them to forgo the usual fruit baskets and cheese platters in favor of making charitable donations. But at the last minute, overcome with guilt, she broke her own rule and gave presents to everyone. Her thoughtful gesture set off a mad scramble among the staff, who rushed out for last-minute shopping at the only place still open in Washington on Christmas Eve — the drugstore.
* * * This is your moment to let out all that holiday frustration: the exhausted-from-shopping, why-can't-people-park-right, I-can't-hear-Santa-Claus-Is-Coming-to-Town-anymore-without-losing-it rant. What’s your favorite Christmas episode from a TV show? Why do you think my choices are terrible? Share your thoughts in the comments.
