Buzz
1. A Michelangelo's David switch plate that adds a cheeky touch every time they flip the lights off.
2. A sarcastic candle perfect for your witty partner to show they're always on your mind (and maybe a little cheeky).
3. A sophisticated lingerie robe that exudes a mysterious "I just solved the case" aura, perfect for your true crime enthusiast to look both glamorous and intriguing.
4. A playful tee designed for your fiercely independent bestie who scoffs at Valentine's norms. Let them celebrate self-love, defy societal pressures, and enjoy life on their terms.
Char Bataille is among the few tattoo artists I dream of getting inked by someday. While I plan my trip to Canada for one of their mesmerizing designs, I’ve been adorning myself with their vibrant, witty tees. My husband and I share these shirts, loving the ultra-soft material and vivid prints. To complete the vibe, snag the Virgo and easy going tees, then collect the rest of their collection.
Available at Char Bataille for $22 (in nine colors and sizes S–3XL).
5. A Batman outfit for the most ~unique~ partner in your life.
Find it at Cock Couture on Etsy for $15.99.
6. A rustic keepsake box designed to blend seamlessly into your decor, serving as a constant reminder of your partner’s endearing quirks.
7. The We-Vibe Anniversary Collection Box, featuring a discreet yet powerful bullet vibe and an app-controlled vibrator designed to deliver unforgettable moments (and possibly leave them speechless).
The We-Connect™ app is free, allowing you to control the Sync vibrator from anywhere in the world.
Promising reviews: "The Tango is absolutely flawless! It’s compact, incredibly powerful, and adaptable. Using it with my partner has been a game-changer. He’s just as thrilled as I am when we use it together." —Lina001
"I require clitoral stimulation and had experimented with several couple toys, but they were all disappointing. That’s why we invested in the Sync, despite its premium price. It’s been a revelation for me. It’s the only toy that has given me mind-blowing orgasms during intimacy with my partner. He loves it too!" —Linda
Available at We-Vibe for $149 (originally $279; comes in two color options).
8. A handmade ceramic titty tumbler — a quirky and adorable piece that might just be the best present they’ve ever gotten.
Available at Playful Ceramics on Etsy for $55.
9. Waterproof, glowing bike testicles that add a fun twist (and extra safety) to nighttime bike rides.
10. A soft rope hog tie set for that extraordinary person you feel incredibly fortunate to share your life with.
Promising review: "My wife and I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom, and this rope tie set turned out to be a fantastic choice. It’s beginner-friendly, as she could easily free herself if needed. The ties are secure but not overly tight, making it perfect for exploring light domination. We highly recommend it for adding a playful twist to intimacy." —Real 1
Available at Lovehoney for $19.99.
11. A serial killer coloring book — the perfect way to show your partner that your taxidermy hobby isn’t the "weirdest thing" in your shared space.
12. A coffee mug designed for anyone who loves a dash of profanity with their morning brew.
13. A pungent perfume to playfully retaliate against your prankster spouse. They’ll admire the creativity, even if the scent is less than pleasant.
14. An adult coloring book so entertaining that only a ~jerk~ wouldn’t enjoy filling it with color.
15. An edgy decorative pillow — a hilarious addition to your bed that’s sure to bring some bone-tickling humor.
Promising review: "This is such a fun and adorable item that always gets compliments! Plus, the speedy delivery was a bonus!" —Debby D.
Available at LookHuman for $33.99.
16. Or a sweatshirt for your dark-humored partner who loves a good deadpan joke.
Find it at Sloth Shirts on Etsy for $28.99 (available in six colors and sizes S–XXL).
17. A massage oil candle to express your fiery affection with a luxurious spa evening.
18. An oven mitt to let your favorite SNACK know why every dish they create is absolutely mouthwatering.
19. A Jason Momoa coloring book filled with vibrant and *playful* illustrations. Be warned: this book is a crowd-pleaser, but it’s also known to make artists Mogroan with delight every time they flip through it.
20. An FU cookie cutter to help you bake a batch of bold sugar cookies, proving your DEAREST wrong about your kitchen skills. I! Beg! To! Differ!
21. A stunning Bondage Couture collar and matching wrist cuffs that promise to add a playful and daring twist to your Valentine's Day celebrations.
Pair it with matching ankle cuffs to complete the ensemble.
Promising review (for wrist cuffs): "These are fantastic! They’re stylish and function perfectly." —Rose
Get the collar and cuffs from Bellesa Boutique for $29.
22. An adorable mini penis planter — gift this to them, and they’ll realize they hit the jackpot when they chose to be with you.
Available at Well That's Bizarre on Etsy for $29.80 (comes in three color options).
23. Would You Rather...? and Truth Or Dare? — books packed with playful questions, prompts, and challenges that will leave you both flushed and fulfilled.
24. A Bella Auset candle for the partner who effortlessly embodies all these traits simultaneously.
I adore my Bella Auset candle! I chose the sassy version in debonair, and it smells amazing. The jar is both humorous and stylish — these candles make fantastic conversation starters. Don’t forget to explore their Love and Friendship, Black Lives Matter, Spiritual, and Breast Cancer Awareness collections before you finalize your purchase!
Available at Bella Auset for $21.99 (comes in five fragrances).
25. A playful chicken cookbook that will guide you and your adventurous partner in mastering the art of ~flipping the bird~ and perfecting your basting skills.
26. A chocolate candy shaped like a dick (available in dark and white chocolate) to send to someone who needs to reflect deeply on how they’ve wronged you.
I received these last Valentine’s Day! After trying them myself, I gifted two to friends. They’ve since become a recurring joke gift in my family. Every so often, one of us finds this *special package* at our doorstep. The chocolate is delicious and lasts a while because (heads up) these are impressively large.
Available at Dicks By Mail in dark or white chocolate for $23.99.
27. An ASL coffee mug for the night owl in your life, so they can silently communicate their need for quiet before their first cup of coffee.
Available for purchase at Matriarch Handmade on Etsy, priced at $16.
28. A minimalist-style couple print that delivers a powerful emotional impact, blending simplicity with a touch of sensuality.
Find this at R Nicole Studio on Etsy for $6.50, available in two different sizes.
29. The We-Vibe Touch, a compact, waterproof clitoral vibrator offering *EIGHT* unique settings. Perfect for discreet use, especially if your roommates have commented on your...enthusiastic expressions of love.
Promising review: "I know it's not new, but I recently found the We-Vibe Touch during quarantine, and it was a game-changer. Seriously. As a single person, this device made quarantine much more manageable. It's fantastic, and I only wish I had discovered it sooner." —MeMyselfIsla
Available from We-Vibe for $69 (originally $99).
30. Images You Should Not Masturbate To, a coffee table book that adds a unique touch to your collection, serving as a quirky yet meaningful reminder.
31. A clitoral vibrator designed to deliver touch-free, euphoric stimulation to their most sensitive areas. Plus, its unique design ensures their body won't grow accustomed to it, keeping the experience fresh and exciting every time.
Promising review: "This toy delivers guaranteed orgasms every time!" —Jasmine A.
Available from Womanizer for $69 (originally $129; comes in three colors).
32. Lastly, a timeless portrait of a maiden's face to add a touch of sophistication and artistry to your living space.
My home features several cards and prints from That's What She Said Art, with my absolute favorite being the vintage snowman greeting card, which I frame and display every Christmas. The prints are of exceptional quality, and their unique style is unmatched. These pieces are timeless conversation starters!
Available from That's What She Said Art on Etsy for $18.
When you unveil your package:
Reviews in this post have been condensed and edited for clarity.
