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The often overlooked Stephanie Tanner from Full House, the frustrated Jan Brady from The Brady Bunch, and the often tragic Lady Edith Crawley from Downton Abbey—these characters are the stereotypical middle children many think of. On screen, they’re frequently depicted as comic relief, forever in the shadows of their seemingly more significant siblings. However, the real-life portrayal of middle children is much more nuanced and positive.
Research indicates that middle children tend to be highly independent and imaginative, possessing unique leadership traits that set them apart from their firstborn and youngest siblings. Many of the world’s most influential leaders, innovators, musicians, and entrepreneurs come from this so-called middle position, which, despite its reputation, often proves to be a launching pad for success. Here are five intriguing insights about middle children.
1. Middle children could be at risk of extinction.
In the first half of the 20th century, having three or four children was considered the ideal family size, with 35 percent of mothers between the ages of 40 and 44 having four or more children. Over the past few decades, these numbers have shifted, and today the average American household has 3.14 people. Furthermore, only 12 percent of women in their early forties have four or more children.
More individuals are attending college, taking longer to achieve financial stability, enjoying greater access to birth control, and pursuing demanding careers that prioritize work over family life. Along with having children later in life, the rising costs of raising a child mean that many couples can only afford one or two kids. These combined factors lead to smaller families, which could result in fewer middle children in the future if these trends persist. Without them, society could miss out on the incredible qualities they bring to the table.
2. Middle children possess exceptional negotiation abilities.
Despite the stereotype that middle children are resentful and overlooked by their parents, Katrin Schumann, co-author of The Secret Power of Middle Children, has conducted extensive research that reveals how the challenges faced by middle children may ultimately benefit them later in life. One of their standout traits is their adeptness at negotiating.
“Middle children are accustomed to not always getting their way, which makes them skillful and clever negotiators,” Schumann told Psychology Today. “They can view all sides of an issue, are empathetic, and can assess reactions well. They are more willing to compromise and thus can argue effectively. Because they often have to wait their turn as kids, they tend to be more patient.”
3. Their low self-worth might actually work in their favor.
Indeed, the middle child may struggle with lower self-esteem compared to their siblings, often due to their perceived lack of individuality and attention at home, as noted by Schumann. However, this isn't necessarily harmful, as it helps prevent their ego from becoming inflated.
“Furthermore, self-esteem is not as crucial as society often makes it out to be,” Schumann explained. “What's more important is having an accurate understanding of your self-worth, rather than aiming for high self-esteem. Surprisingly, recent research shows that high self-esteem does not correlate with better academic performance or greater life success. In fact, it can sometimes lead to a lack of persistence when faced with challenges.”
4. Middle children are often loyal in their relationships.
Dr. Catherine Salmon, Schumann's co-author on The Secret Power of Middle Children, discovered that 80 percent of middle children reported never having cheated on their partner. In comparison, 65 percent of firstborns and 53 percent of last-borns said they remained faithful to their long-term partner or spouse. These findings were supported by other studies, which concluded that middle children and their partners experienced greater marital happiness than those with other birth orders.
There is a caveat, though: Schumann mentioned that while middle children may be the happiest and most content in relationships, having two middle children as partners might not be the ideal pairing: "An Israeli marital happiness survey shows that middles are the happiest and most satisfied in relationships, and that they partner well with firsts or lasts—but less well with other middles, because they may both avoid conflict."
5. Some of the most influential leaders in history were middle children.
Although traditional data suggests that most U.S. presidents are firstborns, Schumann argues that half of them were actually middle children. In an NPR interview, she explained that the link between the presidency and middle children was overlooked for years due to one odd detail: firstborn girls were historically not recognized as the older sibling. Only firstborn males were typically considered.
In general, pinpointing exact birth orders for presidents can be tricky. As the middle child blog SmackDab puts it: "George Washington’s father had four children with his first wife before the first President was born. Washington was the first of six children from his father’s second marriage. So was he the first born or the fifth born?" However, using a general definition of a middle child (anyone who isn't the oldest or youngest), it turns out that 52 percent of U.S. presidents were middle children, including Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, and Abraham Lincoln.
It was JFK, in particular, Schumann concluded, who exhibited many traits commonly seen in middle children during his presidency, highlighting his remarkable skill to communicate and negotiate, even under immense pressure.
