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From hugs and handshakes to playful pats, human touch is a nuanced and sensitive topic. From childhood, we learn about appropriate and inappropriate touch, and the complexities only grow with age. Even public figures aren’t exempt: Politicians’ gestures, like George W. Bush’s Merkel-shoulder-rub incident or Michelle Obama’s partial embrace of the Queen, often spark debate. In professional settings, the etiquette of handshakes versus hugs—or even cheek-kissing customs—remains contentious. Yet, touch is vital for human connection, triggering the release of oxytocin and endorphins.
Can science provide clarity? Here are evidence-based principles to navigate the intricacies of touch.
RULE #1: TOUCH IS FAR MORE COMPLEX THAN IT SEEMS.
Historically, touch was considered a “basic sense,” with the somatosensory cortex merely processing straightforward inputs like temperature and pressure. However, a 2012 study involving heterosexual men revealed that touch involves more than just physical sensation. Participants received a “sensual caress” from an unseen hand while viewing a video of either a woman or a man seemingly administering the touch. In reality, a woman’s hand performed all the touches. Brain scans showed that the somatosensory cortex reacted more intensely when participants believed the touch came from a woman, indicating that the brain integrates cultural and emotional context with physical stimuli. This demonstrates that touch is a multifaceted experience, blending sensory, emotional, and social cues.
RULE #2: EMOTIONAL CONNECTION OUTWEIGHS PHYSICAL PROXIMITY.
A recent study published in PNAS revealed that the depth of a relationship, not how often two people meet, influences the acceptability of intimate touch. This finding initially surprised researchers, but lead author Robin Dunbar from Oxford’s Department of Experimental Psychology explained to mental_floss that it aligns with the idea that emotional bonds are paramount. “The frequency of interaction is merely a means to strengthen those feelings, not the end goal,” he noted.
RULE #3: TOUCH SERVES AS A FORM OF COMMUNICATION.
A 2006 study [PDF] involving participants from the U.S. and Spain placed pairs of strangers on either side of a black curtain. One person was instructed to convey an emotion solely through touch on the other’s hand or arm. The study found that recipients could accurately identify emotions like anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude, and sympathy at rates well above chance. A follow-up study by the same team showed that observers could also interpret emotions by watching others communicate through touch, proving that touch conveys information as effectively as tone or facial expressions.
RULE #4: WOMEN TEND TO BE MORE AT EASE WITH TOUCH, BOTH GIVING AND RECEIVING.
Of course, this doesn’t grant anyone the right to touch women more frequently (yes, I’m addressing you, the awkward subway rider and the overly familiar colleague). However, Dunbar’s PNAS study (referenced in #2) indicates that women generally feel more at ease with both receiving and initiating touch. This tendency to engage in touch seems to foster stronger relationships: the study noted that participants felt deeper emotional connections with female members of their social circles compared to males.
RULE #5: OUR SIMILARITIES OUTWEIGH OUR DIFFERENCES.
The study also revealed that the norms surrounding touch are more universal than often assumed. Although the research focused on European nations, the anticipated contrasts between, say, Finns and Italians—typically seen as polar opposites in touch behavior, with northern cultures being reserved and Mediterranean cultures being expressive—were less pronounced than expected. This suggests that the fundamentals of touch transcend cultural boundaries more than we might think.
RULE #6: MISTAKES ARE INEVITABLE.
Navigating touch is inherently tricky: “…we’re constantly balancing two impulses—using touch to show closeness and attempting to create closeness through touch (even when it doesn’t yet exist). This inherent risk is why people often misstep,” Dunbar explained to mental_floss. His top tip for initiating touch? “Proceed with caution! Pay attention to the cues first!” Perhaps it’s time to revise the old adage: When in doubt, keep your hands to yourself.
