Buzz
The 1970s marked a pivotal era for advertising. By this time, televisions were in 69 million U.S. households, with some viewers tuning in for as many as six hours a day. Even more surprising: Studies revealed that children under eight couldn't tell the difference between a commercial and regular programming. This made ads aimed at young audiences—and their spend-happy parents—a goldmine for boosting toy sales.
Toy companies, eager to find that game-changing product to cover their losses, tried everything from dolls that developed breasts to plastic cows that could be 'milked.' Let's explore some of the most head-scratching commercials that aired on television during the '70s.
1. THE CREEPY LAUGHING DOLL (1971)
It's hard to believe that the director behind this Baby Laugh a Lot commercial had anything in mind other than terrifying children. As the Remco-produced doll rocks back and forth in her chair, her incessant laughter seems to call for therapy. Quick, disjointed cuts reveal how her laughter spreads, first infecting her human companions, then even the voiceover narrator.
2. MILKY THE MARVELOUS MILKING COW (1977)
A bizarre collaboration between Kenner and General Foods, Milky the Cow offered kids a strange, rubbery milking experience. After drinking some water, Milky's udders could be squeezed to produce a strange, cloudy liquid. (Kids were instructed to drop a discoloring tablet into Milky before using her.) Despite the unappealing look of the liquid, Kenner made sure to issue warnings for kids 'not to drink the pretend milk.' According to their 1978 catalog, Milky was meant to be part of a larger barnyard toy line, which also featured Gobbles the Goat, who came with pieces of garbage.
3. THE DOLL THAT SIMULATES PUBERTY (1975)
When girls picked up Mattel's Skipper doll, a spin-off of Barbie, they wouldn't have known that her most notable feature was not obvious from the packaging. By tugging on Skipper’s arm, kids could make her grow taller and seemingly develop breasts—an effect clearly demonstrated in TV ads. While the word 'breasts' was avoided in these ads, referring to Skipper as 'curvy' instead, the reaction from the public was overwhelmingly negative. By 1979, Skipper returned to store shelves with her upper torso permanently fixed in place.
4. AN UNCOMFORTABLY PERSONAL CARD GAME (1978)
Attempting to capture the success of Twister, Hasbro introduced a game called Great Moves in 1978. One player wore a small whiteboard while the other used a pen strapped to various parts of their body. The two would then try to draw a picture, with the results often resembling something you'd expect to see late-night on Cinemax.
5. ICE BIRD, THE TOY THAT REQUIRED CHILD LABOR (1974)
Many recall the nostalgic Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine, a plastic toy that shaved ice cubes so kids could make frozen treats. Kenner’s Ice Bird followed a similar idea, but it came with a hefty twist: instead of just ice cubes, users had to scrape a large block of ice to get their much-needed shavings.
6. BALL BUSTER: THE HOME GAME (1975)
It's unclear whether the creators of this Mego tabletop game were aware of the idiom they were referencing, or if the term for annoying someone had already become popular. The latter seems unlikely, given the strict FCC regulations of the '70s that would have prevented such innuendo from making it to air. Regardless, the commercial makes sure to highlight how players can 'bust each other’s balls.' Make sure to watch all the way to the end.
7. THE ALIEN ACTION FIGURE (1979)
The parasitic, deadly alien created by the psychosexual artist H.R. Giger for the 1979 R-rated film Alien seemed like an odd choice for a toy—unless, of course, that toy was made by Kenner, the same company behind Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow. Kids could use the oversized figure to stalk others, as it mimicked a face-chomping motion when the back of its phallic-shaped head was squeezed. Despite these questionable choices, Kenner had a profitable decade, as they were also the licensee for Lucasfilm's Star Wars franchise.
