Buzz
In the rigidly formal Victorian era, parlor games served as a delightful way to ease the stringent protocols of courtship. Activities like Rev. Crawley’s Circle or Change Seats allowed participants to bridge physical gaps, while games such as Marriage or Marriages and Divorces encouraged players to reflect on the qualities of potential spouses. The artistic practice of tableau vivant even provided an opportunity for women to express themselves creatively, sometimes in less formal attire.
Though these flirtatious games may appear modest by today’s standards, in an age where even holding a lady’s hand could cause embarrassment, the subtle intimacy of Victorian parlor games was undoubtedly thrilling.
1. IF YOU LOVE ME DEAREST, SMILE
During a time when women were expected to maintain a demure demeanor, parlor games often allowed young men and women to gaze at one another freely. One such game, known as If You Love Me Dearest, Smile, involved selecting one player to be “it.” This person was the sole individual permitted to smile, and their goal was to make everyone else smile. The last person to resist smiling emerged victorious. Beyond offering a chance to exchange glances and showcase charming smiles, this game also provided a playful avenue for flirtation. While it’s now a beloved activity for toddlers, it once captivated a much older audience.
2. BALL OF WOOL
In Ball of Wool, participants gathered around a table with a lightweight wool ball placed at the center. The objective was to blow the ball away from oneself and ideally off the table's opposite edge. The player seated to the right of where the ball landed was deemed the loser. A similar game, Blowing the Feather, required players to keep a small feather airborne by blowing on it. Letting it fall meant losing the game.
Fans of Big Bang Theory might remember an episode where Amy proposes playing A Ball of Wool, only to be met with disinterest. However, in the Victorian era, this game was far more popular, offering players the chance to admire puckered lips and perhaps indulge in romantic fantasies.
3. MARRIAGE
In Marriage, each participant selected the name of a notable figure—real, deceased, or fictional. A male player would then propose one of these names to a female participant, who could either accept or reject the proposal. If she declined, she had to provide a reason. Once a proposal was accepted, the pair was considered “married.” The next woman to the right would then evaluate the remaining names until she chose a match. After all players were paired, the “bridegrooms” had to justify their choices based on their fictional personas. While this might seem trivial today, it offered Victorian players a rare opportunity to openly discuss desirable traits in potential partners.
4. MARRIAGES AND DIVORCES
Marriages and Divorces
This game also served as a matchmaking exercise. Participants lined up on opposite sides of the room, pairing with the person directly across. Each individual wrote a detailed character sketch, highlighting both strengths and flaws. A designated judge then called each couple forward and read their descriptions aloud. If the pair approved of their match, they requested to be married. If not, they sought a divorce. The judge evaluated compatibility based on the character sketches and either declared them married or imposed a forfeit for incompatibility. Later, divorces were introduced—if a couple sought separation but the judge found them compatible, they faced a forfeit.
5. IMPROMPTU ROMANCE
Impromptu Romance allowed players to express their romantic ideals through creative storytelling. The game began with one player crafting a story, typically involving romance, and assigning character roles to the other participants. Whenever a character’s name was mentioned, the corresponding player took over the narrative, continuing until they introduced another character. The length of each turn varied, depending on the storyteller’s creativity and imagination.
6. TABLEAU VIVANT
Mrs Richard Bennett Lloyd by Joshua Reynolds via Wikimedia // Public Domain
The term tableau vivant, meaning 'living pictures' in French, refers to a Victorian-era activity where participants recreated famous artworks, sculptures, or even cartoons in live performances. This pastime gained popularity after 1831 when British actress Ada Adams Barrymore performed a live rendition of the painting The Soldier’s Widow at a New York City theater.
While tableau vivant was embraced in various social settings, it became particularly prominent in high-society parlors. Skilled seamstresses and set designers were often hired to ensure the scenes were as authentic as possible. However, this form of entertainment faced criticism due to the occasional depiction of décolletage or partial nudity in the artworks being recreated. For instance, in Edith Wharton’s 1905 novel The House of Mirth, the character Lily Bart reenacts an 18th-century Joshua Reynolds painting, wearing a revealing ivory dress. Her portrayal, displayed alongside the original painting, exposed more skin than was typically acceptable for Victorian women. While some attendees were scandalized, the character Lawrence Selden found her beauty captivating.
7. REVEREND CRAWLEY’S GAME
This game was the Victorian version of Twister. In Reverend Crawley’s Game, eight to ten players formed a circle, holding hands with someone other than their immediate neighbors. No one could hold both hands of the same person, leading to a tangled human knot. The challenge was to untangle the group without releasing any hands, requiring plenty of twisting, turning, and physical contact.
8. SARDINES
Sardines
Similar to Hide and Seek, Sardines involved one player hiding while the others searched. However, when a seeker found the hider, they had to join them in the hiding spot, creating a cramped, sardine-like scenario. The last person to discover the hiding place would become the hider in the next round.
9. CHANGE SEATS
Change Seats is a Victorian twist on musical chairs, infused with a romantic element. All but one player sit in chairs, and the standing individual asks someone, “Do you love your neighbor?” If the answer is no, the players on either side must swiftly switch seats. If they’re too slow, the standing player can steal a seat. If the answer is yes, the responder must add, “I love my neighbor except…” followed by a specific trait, such as “blond hair,” “wearing red,” or “wearing glasses.” Anyone matching the description must scramble to change seats. This game often led to amusing moments, like landing in someone’s lap or causing blushes with the question of neighborly love. Perhaps some feelings were revealed.
BONUS: FORFEITS
Forfeits were a common penalty in Victorian games, requiring players to perform tasks dictated by the winner. These penalties often differed based on gender.
For instance, a man might be blindfolded and instructed to kiss every woman in the room. Alternatively, he might face a wall while a woman made one of three gestures behind his back—a kiss, a pinch, or a box on the ear. He would then choose an option blindly and receive the corresponding action. Another task could involve kissing a woman through the back of her chair.
A woman, on the other hand, might have to select a partner for a quadrille and then perform the dance blindfolded. If the game took place during Christmas, she might be tasked with spelling a word in the center of the room and rushing back to her seat before a man could catch her under the mistletoe.
Another forfeit was the “rabbit kiss,” where a man and woman had to nibble on a piece of cotton until their lips met. Alternatively, a woman might be tasked with kissing the man she loved most without revealing his identity. To keep it secret, she had to kiss every man in the room.
While these games may appear humorous, for many Victorians, they were more than mere entertainment—they often paved the way for marriage proposals.
All images from iStock unless otherwise noted.
