Buzz
If someone reaches out with a question over text or online, avoid responding with a brief 'OK' or 'Yes.' You could use 'sure' or 'yep' without punctuation, or consider adding an exclamation mark. Otherwise, you may come across as passive-aggressive, dismissive, or even upset. There's a valid reason behind this.
Although I thought this was well-known, at least one New York Times reader needed clarification. Caity Weaver, the advice columnist (formerly with Gawker), pointed out that replying with 'O.K.' or 'K' might seem rude, and she recommended alternatives like 'kk' or 'O.K.!'. But why is this the case?
When speaking in person, you tend to make more of an effort to sound polite, which means being less direct. As linguist Gretchen McCulloch notes in her book Because Internet, you use hedges, honorifics, or extra words: ‘Doctor, could I possibly trouble you to open the window?’ instead of just ‘Open the window!’ Online, similar tactics apply, though they’re different.
One such tactic, according to McCulloch, is the exclamation mark. In 2014, the Onion famously declared that only a “stone-hearted ice witch” would send a ‘great to see you’ email without an exclamation point. A popular Instagram post recently made the same point, using a Baby Yoda image. The need for an exclamation mark has extended into texts, chats, and even Slack.
Another approach I use is swapping 'yes' for 'yep,' or 'sure' for 'sure thing'—the casual form of a word helps you sound less robotic or like an authority figure. Don’t overdo it though, as that might make your sincerity sound sarcastic. Pay attention to how you say 'yes' in person, and try to replicate that tone in your messages. You’ll likely notice that in face-to-face conversations, you use more words than you realized, even when saying 'yes.'
These subtle choices matter when sending short messages. In longer texts, there are more opportunities to convey tone of voice, especially through your word choice. But with a quick reply like 'yes,' there’s barely any room to express your tone.
When you’re speaking in person, you use more words, but you also convey meaning through tone, facial expressions, and body language. If you were to just stand still, let your face go blank, and say 'Yes.' with a final tone, it would be clear that you were intentionally unfriendly.
The same applies online. If you want to express total disdain, you’d write more formally, add a period for emphasis, or make your words as terse as possible to show you’re not interested in engaging. (Just watch any argument on social media.) If you don’t want to come off as dismissive, try being about 50% nicer than you think is necessary.
Weaver humorously writes in her column, 'As a woman, I maintain a bustling control center behind my thoughts where everything said to me is parsed for evidence of impending physical threats.' This applies to everyone to some degree: we all analyze communication for potential threats, whether emotional or otherwise. If your message can be interpreted as cold or threatening, it likely will be. (The lone letter 'k' is a famously dismissive reply to anything foolish.) To avoid this, add some warmth to your response.
Customs evolve over time and vary across different groups. You’ve probably encountered someone who goes overboard with exclamation marks. (This happens often in company-wide emails from HR or other departments that feel the need to sound excessively friendly.) On the flip side, you might find a group of professionals who thrive on formal language. But if you’re the most formal person in the group, trust me: everyone assumes you dislike them.
