Buzz
What defines adulthood? When is it acceptable to leave a job, and when should you persevere? How do you discover your life's purpose?
This week, we explore these questions and more with Julie Lythcott-Haims, the insightful author of the New York Times bestsellers How to Raise An Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success and Your Turn: How to Be An Adult.
With her background as a former Stanford University dean and a mother of two young adults, Julie brings a wealth of experience in guiding young people through the challenges of adulthood. Tune in to hear her insights on self-discovery, navigating uncertain career paths, and supporting young individuals through the transition to adulthood.
Tune in to The Upgrade above or find it on popular podcast platforms such as Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Stitcher, and NPR One.
Key moments from this week’s episode
Insights from the Julie Lythcott-Haims interview
On beginning a career path when you’re unsure of your life’s direction:
Adulthood doesn’t follow a predefined path like childhood, which often includes K-12 education and, for many, college—a structured ladder with clear steps. Adult life lacks such a ladder, and if it exists, it might feel monotonous or misaligned with your aspirations. Instead, adulthood is a vast landscape of opportunities where self-discovery is key. Reflect deeply: What excites you? What environments suit you best? What topics captivate your interest? Cultivate curiosity about yourself and your place in the world. Start anywhere, as every job provides valuable insights into your preferences and strengths. This iterative process—working, learning, and refining—helps you gradually identify your purpose. It’s normal to experiment and evolve, often reaching clarity in your late 20s, 30s, or even 40s.
On deciding whether to leave or stay in a job you don’t enjoy:
If you’re experiencing harm, harassment, or genuine fear in your workplace, leave immediately. However, if you’ve left multiple jobs for similar reasons, consider seeking therapy to understand why you feel so targeted or unsafe. Self-awareness is key. Generally, avoid changing jobs more often than every 18 months, as it can make your resume appear unstable. That said, if the workplace is truly toxic, leaving is the best option.
On supporting young people as they transition into adulthood:
Assist them by not taking over their tasks. Instead, offer encouragement: “I love you, I know this is tough, but you can handle it,” then step back. Modern parenting often lacks this confidence-building approach. By intervening, we unintentionally signal doubt in their abilities. As a parent of a 22-year-old and a 19-year-old, I constantly strive to shift from over-parenting to fostering independence. It’s challenging, but essential. Let them navigate difficult situations, like resolving a store return, because life only gets more complex. Smile, show love, express confidence, and let them take the lead.
For more of Julie’s advice on embracing adulthood, listen to the full episode. It’s a worthwhile 30-minute investment.
