Buzz
When meeting someone new, there's a universal instinct to connect. During casual conversations, individuals often feel more comfortable sharing their personal experiences rather than inquiring about the other person's interests.
This behavior is deeply rooted in human nature and follows a predictable pattern, as highlighted by Danielle Bayard Jackson (known as the friendship expert) on TikTok. In the video below, you can observe how conversations often become one-sided.
As Jackson points out, your potential relationships may never flourish if you focus on talking about yourself without first asking meaningful follow-up questions.
Inquiring can help you find shared interests
When you delve deeper while getting to know someone, you increase the chances of discovering commonalities that can serve as a foundation for your relationship. Simply sharing your own viewpoint, however, can restrict the depth of your conversation.
While it may seem obvious to listen when others speak, conversations often turn into exchanges of personal experiences and preferences. Though not inherently bad, this narrows the conversation's scope and reduces its true purpose—meaningful interaction. By asking questions, you demonstrate genuine interest in understanding the other person and fostering a connection.
Think about posing more open-ended questions
You don’t need to take notes or conduct an interview, but it’s helpful to consider the type of questions that could lead to a more engaging dialogue.
Decide whether to use closed or open-ended questions. Closed questions typically require brief, straightforward answers rather than detailed explanations. (For instance, “How long have you played basketball?” is a closed question, as it can be answered concisely without elaboration).
Open-ended questions, while simple, often encourage more detailed responses, such as “What was that experience like for you?” or “How have you been handling that situation?” These questions are more likely to foster a deeper conversation, as they demonstrate your willingness to engage and listen attentively.
When in doubt, share something about yourself
The aim is to find common ground, but sometimes the other person may not ask questions in return. If this happens, feel free to talk about yourself. It’s possible they simply haven’t noticed the conversation has become one-sided; their lack of questions doesn’t necessarily indicate self-absorption.
Once you begin sharing personal details, it’s likely the other person will start asking questions naturally.
