Buzz
Struggling with anxiety? Even if you're calm now, it's likely that during the Pandemic Year, you've experienced moments of stress and worry, and you might face them again. When that happens, consider giving yourself a comforting hug—a havening hug.
As I wrote the phrase 'give yourself a hug,' I pictured someone turning away and rubbing their arms and neck, as if caught in an awkward, self-soothing moment. However, havening is quite distinct from that.
Let’s start by discussing anxiety
For those who frequently face anxiety, the sensations are all too familiar—nervousness, irritability, panic, dread, and more. Melaina Juntti explains in Fatherly what occurs in the brain during these moments:
Our brain consists of two key parts: the 'emotional brain' and the 'thinking brain.' Governed by the amygdala, the emotional brain is primal, designed to detect threats and respond swiftly to danger. 'The amygdala’s role is to ensure our safety,' explains Kate Truitt, Ph.D., a psychologist and certified Havening Techniques practitioner. 'It’s not analytical—it simply categorizes situations as 'safe' or 'not safe.'' When a threat is perceived, the amygdala triggers the sympathetic nervous system, commonly known as fight-or-flight mode, leaving us feeling anxious and unsettled.
Thankfully, the thinking brain also activates when a threat is detected, though it operates four times slower than the emotional brain, according to Truitt. It brings logic into play, enabling us to respond more thoughtfully and appropriately, sometimes even choosing not to react at all.
The issue arises—and this is where anxiety takes hold—when the amygdala overpowers the thinking brain, trapping our bodies in fight-or-flight mode even when no real danger exists.
What exactly is havening?
The Havening Techniques, created by Dr. Ronald Ruden, serve as a therapeutic method to address trauma. This approach involves sensory input—specifically human touch on the hands, upper arms, and face—typically administered by a trained practitioner, alongside positive affirmations or mantras. However, a simplified version can be easily practiced at home, whether for yourself or your children.
In this video, James Hymers, a Havening Techniques practitioner, shows how to cross your arms and softly rub from your shoulders to your elbows while closing your eyes and repeating the phrase 'calm and relaxed' continuously.
As Juntti explains in Fatherly:
Neurologically, havening helps transition the brain into parasympathetic mode. This is partly achieved by increasing oxytocin, a hormone typically triggered by human touch and bonding—something many of us are currently lacking.
Havening taps into the brain’s natural capacity for healing and self-repair,” Truitt explains. “Employ this method whenever your nervous system feels out of balance. The moment you detect a stress trigger, like incoming text messages or CNN notifications on your phone, use havening to restore a sense of calm.”
I first learned about this method quite recently, during a period of heightened anxiety about the new school year and the ongoing disruptions to my son’s childhood. Though skeptical, I decided to give it a try. After my very informal, one-person experiment, I’d estimate my anxiety levels dropped by about half. It didn’t magically erase all my worries, but it significantly softened the intensity, and I started from a place of considerable stress.
In the tutorial video, Hymers recommends practicing this technique for just two minutes each day as part of your routine to soothe an overactive, anxious mind.
