Buzz
Even with the best intentions, we all occasionally find ourselves in difficult circumstances that demand tough decisions. These situations might lack a clear-cut answer, or could even feel like a lose-lose scenario. Often, they involve people or circumstances that not only make us uneasy but also invoke a sense of dread or fear.
Everyone has their own way of handling these difficult decisions when they arise. Some people might retreat to a quiet corner, munching on saltines under a weighted blanket, while others might choose to ignore the problem, hoping it will simply vanish on its own.
However, Catherine Andrews—a life coach, educator, and writer of The Sunday Soother newsletter—adopts a unique approach: she asks herself a specific series of questions. Here’s what you need to know about her method.
The Power of Asking the Right Questions
In the April 26, 2021 issue of her newsletter, Andrews discusses her approach to handling difficult decisions, using a set of questions (which we’ll get to shortly) that help her figure out the best course of action when she’s feeling stuck. Here’s what Andrews has to say:
Many people appreciate my work and coaching because I ask insightful questions. A long time ago, I came across the idea of asking high-quality questions to receive high-quality answers (however that’s defined), and I initially brushed it off as just another self-help cliché. But over time, I’ve realized through my work with myself and others that this concept holds true.
So whenever I encounter tricky situations, or face moments of fear, or find myself trapped in a cycle of fear or shame that threatens to overwhelm me, or really anytime I need guidance, I revisit this list of questions. I remind myself repeatedly that by asking the right questions, I’ll discover the right answers.
Key Questions to Consider When Confronting a Difficult Decision or Situation
Not every method works for everyone, but this one is definitely worth trying. Now, without further delay, here are the questions:
Am I trying to guess what someone else’s intentions are in this situation?
How can I provide for myself the very thing I’m hoping this other person will give me?
Is this thought coming from a place of shame or fear? What’s a thought I can have that’s rooted in self-compassion or hope instead?
Can I identify three things that I need right now?
What are three things I could release right now?
Can I find a way to make this 5% more manageable for myself?
Which answer feels the most effortless to me?
What if what I feel is right, truly is right?
Who might be gaining from the way I’m thinking or feeling right now?
Am I benefiting or protecting myself by continuing to hold onto these beliefs or behaviors?
How is this situation reflecting a wound within me, and how can I address that pain?
Where in my body do I feel this? What insights might that sensation be offering?
If no one was observing or judging me, what choice would I make?
What would my future self, five years from now, advise me to do?
What would it mean to truly trust?
Would this choice lead to a bigger or smaller life for me?
Is this true? (A tip of the hat to the brilliant Byron Katie)
Do I want to keep holding onto this thought? Why or why not?
No, the “right decision” won’t suddenly reveal itself in a vision after you answer the last question on the list. But according to Andrews, this exercise can be helpful “because sometimes, to shift a situation that seems hopeless, simply reframing it with the right question can help you move forward again.”
Learn more about mental health and online therapy through G/O Media’s partner
Mytour is not responsible for the creation of these articles but may earn a commission from purchases made through its links:
