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Reaching out to someone you admire for advice or a casual meeting can feel overwhelming. You’re essentially asking for their time and expertise, hoping it might lead to a lasting professional relationship. It’s a delicate balance, akin to blending a personal request with a professional one. According to Harvard Business Review, the key is to showcase your most intriguing, valuable, and credible self. Even with the right approach, success isn’t guaranteed.
Marketing expert Dorie Clark often receives emails requesting meetings or professional favors. She agrees to those that demonstrate credibility, spark her curiosity, or provide some form of mutual benefit. She applies these same principles when reaching out to individuals she admires.
For example, when I contacted a well-known film director, I began by highlighting our shared alumni connection. Since I was interested in adapting one of his films into a musical, I also referenced the successful productions created by graduates of the
musical theater workshop I’m part of
. He replied, showing interest in further discussion and mentioning that a composer friend had praised the program for producing remarkable works. By establishing your credibility early, you signal that the conversation will be worthwhile.
Address your message to a specific individual
The challenge lies in the fact that everyone’s preferences for what they find interesting, credible, or valuable vary widely. What one person perceives as confident credentials, another might view as boastful. Therefore, it’s crucial to tailor your message specifically to the person you’re addressing.
Dive into their social media profiles, blogs, or interviews to uncover their passions and interests. Identify any commonalities you share and determine which ones they genuinely care about. While some individuals appreciate connecting over shared alma maters, others might prefer bonding over niche interests like an obscure book.
Focus on less obvious connections—mentioning a shared love for a popular game like Portal might not stand out. Instead, highlight something unique, such as a mutual appreciation for Sleater-Kinney, lawn bowling, or Texas barbecue. Casually reference where they’ve mentioned this interest publicly, without revealing your research.
If you deeply admire someone and their work, it’s likely that shared interests initially drew you to them. These connections don’t need to be overly complex. For instance, I maintain a correspondence with an author friend, and half of our discussions revolve around our mutual admiration for Jorge Luis Borges. Given that we both write speculative fiction, it’s no surprise we appreciate Borges, but our genuine connection stems from our overlapping interpretations of his work.
Look for any public statements this person has made about interacting with fans. This can reveal what they appreciate or find irritating. For example, some individuals have embarrassed themselves by attempting to critique Dan Harmon’s show Rick & Morty. Harmon, known for his “jovial asshole” persona, often responds to such attempts by mocking them on social media, particularly when people try to outdo his humor.
Avoid appearing desperate
While thorough research is essential, know when to stop before it feels invasive. Don’t push beyond your comfort zone. The goal is to appear engaged and intriguing, not overly eager. It’s wise to have a friend review your email to ensure it doesn’t come across as odd or overly intense.
As Clark advises, always provide an easy exit for the recipient. Acknowledge their busy schedule and assure them you understand if they can’t respond. Phrasing it as “can’t” rather than “won’t” keeps the tone relaxed and avoids any sense of pressure.
Showcase your best qualities
When reaching out to someone you admire for help, it’s easy to fall into self-deprecation or act overly submissive, as if you’re unworthy of their attention. However, this approach isn’t appealing. Instead, you need to demonstrate that you have some level of competence. People are less inclined to offer their time or advice to someone who appears clueless.
On the other hand, you might feel the urge to mask your insecurity by boasting about your achievements, as if you’re the one who matters most. This approach is equally ineffective. While the balance varies for each person, avoid sounding like a pushy salesperson.
Aim to come across as someone who is both respectable and engaging—a person worth having a conversation with. Show that you’re eager to absorb their insights. Even the busiest individuals are often drawn to the chance to share their knowledge with someone who truly understands and appreciates their expertise.
