Crash Blossoms: 17 Amusing News Headlines That Leave You Baffled

In 2009, Japan Today ran the headline “Violinist linked to JAL crash blossoms.” The story highlighted the achievements of violinist Diana Yukawa, whose father tragically died in the 1985 Japan Airlines crash.

However, the headline could also be interpreted as suggesting a violinist was connected to JAL “crash blossoms.” Editor Mike O’Connell shared the link on Testy Editors, a forum for editors, with a playful question: “What exactly is a crash blossom?”

Dan Bloom proposed using crash blossom to describe any “oddly worded” headline, and the group quickly embraced the term. Soon, this nonce term (a word coined for a specific instance) spread beyond Testy Editors and became a widely recognized neologism. Linguists, including Geoffrey K. Pullum, who coined eggcorn, began analyzing what defines a crash blossom and why such headlines are so prevalent in newspapers.

What Leads to Crash Blossoms

Ben Zimmer, the language columnist for the New York Times, noted that English is filled with nouns that can function as verbs and vice versa, making it difficult to determine a word’s role based solely on its suffix or placement in a sentence. For example, plural nouns often end in s, but so do singular present-tense verbs. The word phones could mean multiple devices (plural noun) or someone making a call (singular verb, as in she phones). Conversely, most singular nouns don’t end in s, but neither do many plural verbs. The word phone might refer to a single device (singular noun) or multiple people making calls (plural verb, as in they phone).

We also frequently use nouns to modify other nouns, which can lead to confusion if the modifying noun could also be interpreted as a verb. Zimmer highlighted a 2006 AOL News headline where this ambiguity is particularly evident: “Gator Attacks Puzzle Experts.” While it meant that experts were puzzled by gator attacks, it could also be misread as a gator attacking “puzzle experts.” Homographs further complicate matters. For instance, jerk can mean either an annoying person or a sudden movement, leaving readers momentarily unsure of its intended meaning in a headline.

Complete sentences typically provide enough context to avoid confusion, but newspaper headlines prioritize brevity over clarity. As Zimmer explained, “headlines eliminate small words—like articles, auxiliary verbs, and forms of ‘to be’—which removes essential context.” Additionally, the capitalization in headlines often blurs the line between proper and common nouns. For example, is Bill referring to a person or a legislative proposal? When surrounded by other capitalized words, it becomes challenging to decipher.

Crash blossoms are so prevalent (and amusing) that the Columbia Journalism Review has compiled two collections of real-life examples: 1980’s Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim and 1987’s Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge. Below, we’ve gathered 17 of our favorite examples.

1. “Milk Drinkers Switch to Powder”

In November 1974, the Detroit Free Press ran a headline suggesting milk drinkers had turned into powder. Thankfully, this wasn’t the case—Detroit residents simply opted for powdered milk due to the high cost of liquid milk. (Notably, the phrase “Price Hike Hits” appeared above this headline, though in much smaller font.)

2. “Farmer Bill Passes Away in House”

In this April 1978 headline, The Atlanta Constitution wasn’t reporting the death of a farmer named Bill in his home. Instead, it referred to the House of Representatives voting down a bill that aimed to “raise federal target prices for cotton, wheat, and feed grains based on the amount of land a farmer removes from production this year.”

3. “Many Women in Distress”

While this phrase might sound like a general statement about women being upset, the Spokane Daily Chronicle in July 1975 was actually highlighting alarming statistics from the United Nations Conference on Women. The data revealed the troubling state of gender equality worldwide, meaning women’s lot—their circumstances or fate—was deeply concerning.

4. “Thief Targets Albert’s Hosiery”

When pilfering Albert’s hosiery, it’s logical to hold it up to check the fit. However, the “armed thief” mentioned in this Buffalo Evening News headline from September 1975 was simply robbing a store called Albert’s Hosiery.

5. “Shooting Defendant to Face Juvenile Court Trial”

No one was trying to shoot anyone; this headline from the October 1975 edition of Deseret News referred to a 14-year-old boy, accused of fatally shooting a 16-year-old, who was set to stand trial in juvenile court.

6. “Neck Injury Earns Jerk an Award”

The writer of this April 1983 piece in The Buffalo News didn’t (to our knowledge) hold a grudge against the subject. The term “jerk” here refers to a sudden, sharp movement. James L. Hardy Jr. was awarded $25,000 in damages from a motel chain after receiving the wrong room key and accidentally intruding on a woman in a nightgown. “Mr. Hardy claimed the weight of his luggage caused him to jerk his neck abruptly as he turned to exit the room,” The Buffalo News stated. “He reported severe pain the following morning, and later underwent surgery to remove a ruptured cervical disc from his spine.”

7. “Discussions in the Indian Ocean”

If the ocean itself had spoken, it might have made the front page instead of page four. However, this article from an April 1978 edition of The Coshocton Tribune simply covered talks between the U.S. and the Soviet Union aimed at reducing naval operations in the Indian Ocean. 

8. “Chester Morrill, 92, Former Fed Secretary”

Chester Morrill never learned that The Washington Post had unintentionally suggested he was a cannibal in an April 1978 headline: It appeared in his obituary. (He had served as secretary of the Federal Reserve Board.)

9. “A Kicking Baby Is a Sign of Health”

A baby who kicks is typically healthy, but kicking a baby is harmful. Hopefully, readers of this advice column from a September 1980 edition of The Burlington Free Press looked beyond the headline.

10. “Man Arrested for Burglaries Using a Pool Skimmer”

Contrary to what it might suggest, a pool skimmer wasn’t used to catch the thief like a vaudeville hook. As reported in this article from an August 1985 edition of The New York Times, the 28-year-old burglar admitted to stealing from numerous Long Island homes by using “a long-handled pool skimmer to reach through windows … while residents slept or watched TV.” (Which is arguably even more amusing.)

11. “Johnson Teacher Negotiations Move Slowly”

How slow must a teacher speak to become newsworthy? It’s unclear—this article from an August 1982 issue of The Indianapolis News focused on the stalled contract talks for teachers in Johnson County, Indiana.

12. “Eye Drops Removed from Shelves”

The reality behind this headline from an August 1982 issue of Washington’s Tri-City Herald is even more alarming than a rogue eyeball (or Mike Wazowski delivering shelves). Two Los Angeles chain stores removed all “eye drops, nose drops, and nasal sprays” after “an unidentified man wandered through several Alpha Beta and Thrifty stores, intentionally contaminating eye and nose medications with chlorine, sulfuric acid, and other harmful substances.” (This occurred shortly after the cyanide-laced Tylenol murders, which remain unsolved.)

13. “Violence Should Be Classified as Obscenity”

The author of this March 1984 op-ed in The Asheville Times wasn’t promoting violence in adult content. Instead, they argued that violence should be legally categorized as obscenity. For instance, a film could be deemed obscene if it contains extreme violence, not just explicit material. (They were particularly outraged by the 1979 film Caligula, which a U.S. district judge had declared non-obscene, partly because, as the writer noted, “it’s so revolting that it doesn’t arouse—it just disgusts.”)

14. “Here’s How to Treat Doberman’s Leg Sores”

In this May 1982 issue of Pennsylvania’s Reading Eagle, the columnist playfully used lick to mean “overcome” while advising how to stop a Doberman from licking its leg sores. Unfortunately, they overlooked the fact that humans also have tongues.

15. “Jacksonville Declared Free of Pornography, Authorities Confirm”

Contrary to what this Tri-City Herald headline might suggest, Jacksonville did not provide free adult content to its residents in December 1980. In reality, the city took a strong stance against it. After a relentless five-year campaign led by Baptist ministers, every adult bookstore and theater in the Florida city was closed. Mayor Jake Godbold, while celebrating the achievement, cautioned that such establishments often find ways to reopen. “As of tonight, Jacksonville is free of pornography,” he stated. “But that could change by tomorrow.”

16. “Major Church Project Falls Through”

Contrary to what one might assume, a large church did not intend to collapse, nor did ambitious plans for a standard-sized church fall apart. This June 1985 piece from The Hamilton Spectator detailed how the First Church of the Nazarene’s grand vision for a new, expansive location in Calgary, Alberta, crumbled due to persistent financial challenges.

17. “His Noisy Backside Causes Significant Disruption”

Certain headlines are so outrageous that it’s hard to believe the writer wasn’t fully aware of their implications. This “humming rear end,” featured in a January 1986 issue of The Toronto Star, actually described a high-pitched noise emanating from the back of a 1984 Chevette, as reported by a concerned driver seeking advice.