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Was Caligula truly insane, misjudged, or perhaps a mix of both? Separating truth from myth has proven challenging for historians. Allegedly, this despised Emperor had intimate relations with his sisters, waged war against Neptune, the god of the sea, and even appointed his horse as a high-ranking government official. However, some contemporary scholars cast doubt on these tales, proposing that they might just be ancient rumors and propaganda.
What we can say for certain is that Caligula definitely enjoyed a good indulgence. The young Emperor constructed massive, lavish ships that were referred to as “floating palaces.” And, in a rather awkward twist, he struggled with premature hair loss.
Caligula’s baldness was just the tip of the iceberg on an already unattractive figure. By his early twenties, he was plagued by wild hair sprouting from his neck down to his skeletal, pale body—no wonder he wasn’t seen as handsome. One vivid description, penned by the Roman historian Suetonius, was particularly brutal: “He was frightfully pale, with the face of an elderly man, deep-set, melancholic eyes. His head was ‘misshapen’ and bald, save for a few sparse hairs. His neck was covered with stubble. He had… thin legs and oversized feet.” Quite the compliment.
It seems Caligula, much like Rodney Dangerfield, felt he didn’t receive enough admiration. His untidy look made him resemble a certain barnyard animal, and soon enough, the goat jokes began to surface. What’s a self-conscious Emperor supposed to do?
According to our friend Suetonius, Caligula even made it illegal for anyone to look down at him from above or so much as utter the word ‘goat.’
To be fair, Suetonius recorded this in The Twelve Caesars, a work published in 121 CE, which was 80 years after Caligula’s assassination. So, it's hard to know if he might’ve embellished the truth a bit.
Just to note, Emperor Augustus (63 BCE – 14 CE), one of Caligula’s more famous ancestors and family members, had a much different approach to insults. He even tolerated a joke made directly at his expense regarding his own parentage.
While in power, Augustus got a chance to meet someone who looked strikingly like him. Upon learning that a traveler who resembled him had arrived, Augustus set up a meeting. “Tell me,” Augustus inquired, “did your mother ever visit Rome?” The doppelgänger responded, “No, but my father did—frequently!” Awww, snap!
