Do male and female bullies exhibit distinct behaviors?

Main Insights

Reflecting on the iconic bullies featured in films and television, the majority are male. A 2008 Boston Globe feature highlighted the most formidable bullies in pop culture, with males dominating 12 of the 15 spots. Notable mentions include Bluto from "Popeye," Simon Cowell from "American Idol," Nelson from "The Simpsons," and Biff Tannen from "Back to the Future." Only three females made the list: Nellie Olsen from "Little House on the Prairie," Regina George from "Mean Girls," and political pundit Ann Coulter.

This list appears accurate in terms of representation—bullies in real life are predominantly male rather than female. If a screenwriter aimed to highlight the cowardice of a male protagonist, they might contrast him with a female bully, perhaps one who is unusually large and tough, defying traditional feminine stereotypes. Culturally, we anticipate boys to be the ones engaging in both verbal and physical confrontations. Imagine how "American Idol" would differ if Paula were the harsh critic and Simon the one lavishing praise on contestants.

For years, it was widely believed that boys were naturally more aggressive than girls, with most playground altercations resulting in boys being disciplined. However, in the 1990s, Finnish researcher Kaj Bjorkqvist began studying adolescent girls' interactions and discovered that girls are equally aggressive, albeit in less overt ways [source: Talbot]. Rather than physical fights, girls engage in psychological tactics that can be even more harmful than physical injuries.

This is why the Boston Globe's inclusion of Regina George is entirely justified. The 2004 film "Mean Girls" was inspired by Rosalind Wiseman's book "Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence." Regina George's rule about her friends wearing specific outfits on certain days was based on real high school behavior, and her manipulative tactics are a daily occurrence in high schools. So, how do girls become such effective bullies?

Relational Aggression

Until the age of 4, children generally display aggression similarly; they might snatch toys from others or push someone who angers them [source: Talbot]. However, research from Brigham Young University reveals that girls as young as 4 have already mastered manipulating peers to exclude others and dominate social settings [source: Starr]. They use lies and secrets to persuade others to ostracize the targeted child.

This indicates that girls begin practicing relational aggression even before starting kindergarten. This term describes the bullying style typical of adolescent girls, focusing on close relationships rather than targeting unfamiliar, weaker individuals, as male bullies often do. Female bullies are elusive and challenging to punish, as their actions leave no physical evidence like bruises. Instead, victims endure emotional wounds from rumors, secret-sharing, harsh insults, betrayal, and social exclusion. Bullies might mock someone's clothing or exclude them from popular events to elevate their social standing, leaving the victim isolated—a deeply painful experience for young girls.

Boys also bully to climb the social ladder, suggesting shared motivations among bullies: a craving for attention, fear of competition, and anger stemming from their home environment. Over time, female bullies face consequences similar to males, as their close relationships deteriorate due to their manipulative behavior. However, research is limited on whether female bullies turn to substance abuse or incarceration at the same rates as males.

Key differences exist: male bullies vary widely, from popular athletes to social misfits, while female bullies are often part of the popular crowd, which can shield them from punishment. Additionally, while some male bullies lack empathy, female bullies often possess it in abundance, using it to inflict maximum emotional harm. Girls' focus on friendships enables female bullies to extract secrets and exploit them in ways that deeply humiliate their victims.

During middle and high school, parents should remind their daughters that genuine friends are not manipulative, negative, or cruel. While this advice may seem obvious, adolescence often defies logic. Sadly, the high school cafeteria is not the last battleground where women will encounter female bullies.

Woman-on-woman Bullying in the Workplace

If you've ever faced repeated hostile glances at work, been left out of an e-mail thread or meeting you should have been part of, or endured a humiliating public reprimand that could have been handled privately, you've likely encountered a workplace bully. A 2007 survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute revealed that 37 percent of U.S. workers have experienced bullying on the job. Similar to school settings, bullies are more often male (60 percent), and they are typically in supervisory roles.

When this survey was released, many media outlets highlighted the prevalence of women targeting other women. While male bullies in the workplace target both genders equally, female bullies focus on other women 70 percent of the time [source: Klaus]. This trend has sparked discussions about gender stereotypes and societal expectations of women's behavior.

For instance, bullies, regardless of gender, tend to target those less likely to retaliate. Since women are often perceived as more passive and less confrontational, both men and women may exploit this perceived vulnerability when choosing their targets [source: WBI]. Another theory suggests that women are more sensitive to criticism, making them prone to holding grudges and acting on them later [source: Klaus]. Some argue that women, being relatively new to corporate environments, may not yet have mastered the nuances of professional competition or may have adopted traditionally male behaviors, such as bullying, to advance [source: Meece]. Additionally, their behavior might be overanalyzed, with any deviation from the nurturing female stereotype being labeled as bullying [source: Meece]. Conversely, as women are new to leadership roles, they might be reluctant to support other women who could potentially replace them [source: Klaus].

The Workplace Bullying Institute argues that since the majority of bullies are supervisors, and many women often oversee other women, subordinates with female bosses are particularly vulnerable. A 2009 study in Psychological Science revealed that bully bosses, regardless of gender, often act out when they feel inadequate or unqualified for their roles [source: Callaway]. This insight not only offers a strategy for handling a bullying superior (flattery) but also aligns with earlier theories about why women bully other women. As women strive to break through the glass ceiling, their actions are often scrutinized more intensely than their male counterparts. If a woman has struggled to attain her leadership role, she may continue to face doubts about her ability to thrive in a male-dominated environment. This can create a vicious cycle, leading her to revert to the emotional manipulation tactics she learned as early as age 4: bullying.