Buzz
There you are, picking up your coworker's spilled coffee while on your way to make copies of the employee manual for the new interns, when you run into your boss. He casually asks if there's a fresh pot brewing. Also, he wonders if you could circulate John’s birthday card for the team to sign and deliver it to him before the day ends.
This might not be listed in your job responsibilities, yet you do it because your boss asked, because you've always been the one to help out, and because you know no one else will step up. You’ve somehow become the Office Mom.
If you're a working woman, you may recognize the situation described above. It's reminiscent of the 'second shift'—the idea that women who work often end up doing more of the household chores and childcare compared to their male counterparts. Being the Office Mom is similar: it’s when women end up handling additional, unpaid tasks to keep the office running smoothly or maintain relationships, such as taking notes in meetings, buying a cake for a colleague's birthday, helping new hires get settled, or filling the ice cube trays that others left empty.
If you find yourself being the go-to person for office favors, here are a few tips to manage those requests more effectively.
Politely Decline: When asked to take on extra tasks like organizing a meeting or picking up a birthday cake, respectfully say no. As the Smarter Living newsletter from The New York Times reminds us, remember that you're declining the request, not the person. Say something like, 'I'm sorry, I don't have the time for that today,' and do so with kindness, but firmness. Practice it at home if you're unsure.
Create a Schedule: For tasks that are regularly requested, such as taking notes during weekly meetings, set up a rotating schedule with your colleagues and share it via email. This might encourage your coworkers to pitch in.
Talk to Your Boss: Schedule a meeting with your manager, and “come prepared with concrete examples showing how your workload is being affected.” Suggest ways to make it fairer, such as by introducing a schedule for tasks.
Offer an Alternative: “When women are asked to do undervalued work, they can respond like this: ‘I’d love to join the paperclips committee. But that’s the perfect opportunity for David, our new junior colleague, down the hall,’” writes Joan C. Williams, author of What Works for Women at Work, in The Washington Post. This approach works because you're politely declining while solving your manager’s problem.
This strategy won't apply to every scenario. For example, if your boss asks you to distribute materials during a meeting, saying 'no' might not be the best move. Timing is everything. That said, it’s crucial to recognize when these requests occur frequently, and address it with your boss—using specific examples—if it becomes a recurring issue.
However, it’s unfair to place the responsibility of changing office dynamics entirely on women. If you're in a managerial role, observe who is being asked to do what, and who volunteers for which tasks. And if you're a man who cares, offer to take the notes at the next meeting, or step in and talk to your boss if you see a problem developing.
