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This is where Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) comes in handy. By learning to better recognize when our emotions and actions are guiding us correctly (as opposed to when our gut feelings are misguided), we can make smarter choices and feel more confident about those decisions.
Here’s a simple example to help you get started: Paula Rizzo, a health and wellness expert at Fast Company, suggests that we begin to notice how we feel about the choices we make—and how we feel after making them.
By being mindful of both the decision-making process and the aftermath, we can improve our overall decision-making approach.
Rizzo advises keeping track of your emotions before, during, and after a task, mentally noting how you feel. “Even if you don’t always enjoy what you’re doing, if you find it unbearable, remind yourself not to repeat it,” she suggests. “In the moment, you might say ‘yes’ to a request, but if it makes you anxious, it’s wiser to decline.”
To put it another way: If you feel nervous about attending a social event but leave having had a surprisingly good time (or even a somewhat okay time), you may learn to manage your anxiety about future social events more effectively.
On the flip side, if you’re anxious about taking on another task when you’re already overwhelmed, being mindful of how you feel when agreeing to it—and how you feel when it’s time to follow through—could help you determine whether you should start saying no more often in the future.
This technique is most effective when combined with other CBT methods, especially when you begin recognizing the mental patterns and core beliefs you’ve developed over time, and critically assessing whether these beliefs align with reality. I suggest reading Seth J. Gillihan’s Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Made Simple: 10 Strategies for Managing Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Panic, and Worry—and consider keeping a journal where you record what you believe and fear about a situation, whether those fears materialized, and what you learned from the experience.
So, the next time you’re faced with a decision that makes you uneasy, pay attention to why you’re feeling that way. Is the anxiety stemming from an outdated core belief or an exaggerated fear of the future? Are you being asked to make a choice that challenges your boundaries, values, or ethics? Or is it simply a “hell yeah or no” scenario, and you’re just not feeling hell yeah?
After making your decision, take note of how you feel and whether the result matches your expectations. This reflection will help you make quicker, more confident, and improved decisions next time.
