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Image Credit: Cavan Images/Getty ImagesSleeping alongside a partner is one of the most intimate experiences, offering health benefits. However, it can also lead to challenges, particularly when sleep habits and preferences don’t align.
Does this imply you need to sleep separately (often referred to as a sleep divorce)? Not always—there are several approaches you and your partner can adopt to enhance your shared sleep quality, regardless of the issue.
Sleeping With a Partner Has Healthy Benefits
Sharing a bed with a partner offers a range of health advantages. According to sleep specialist Nilong Vyas, M.D., these include reduced anxiety, better management of insomnia, and stronger emotional bonds. Research published in the Frontiers Psychiatry journal highlights that co-sleeping can lead to approximately 10% more REM sleep and less interrupted rest compared to sleeping alone.
Additionally, sleeping next to someone you love triggers the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the 'love hormone.' Neurobiologist and sleep expert Allison Brager, Ph.D., explains that this can result in more restful sleep and a more refreshed feeling upon waking.
However, this isn’t always the reality, particularly if your partner’s habits disturb your sleep—a frequent problem for couples sharing a bed. Brager notes that common causes include your partner’s sleep disorders, such as insomnia, sleep apnea, or restless leg syndrome. Other factors include mismatched sleep schedules or the presence of pets or children in the bed.
Solutions for Better Sleep if Your Share a Bed
1. Set rules.
Dr. Vyas suggests that differing sleep habits can be managed by establishing clear guidelines, such as turning off the TV at bedtime and eliminating distracting noises in the bedroom. If pets or children are involved, it’s crucial to agree on whether they should be allowed in bed. “Having a child in bed can reduce the advantages of sleeping with a partner and may even strain the relationship, particularly if one parent disagrees with the arrangement,” she adds.
2. Unwind together.
Creating a shared bedtime routine can help both partners prepare for a good night’s sleep. Begin by starting your bedtime preparations about an hour before you plan to sleep, including turning off the TV. Dim the lights and power down phones 30 minutes before bed. Brager recommends activities like taking a shower together, which can be soothing in multiple ways. Finally, ensure the bedroom is dark, quiet, and at a comfortable temperature.
3. Resolve issues before bed.
It’s often said that you shouldn’t go to bed angry, and this advice holds true. Dr. Vyas notes that stress from unresolved conflicts can keep the body in fight-or-flight mode, releasing hormones that hinder sleep. Whenever possible, try to resolve disagreements before heading to bed.
4. Plan proactively around your sleep schedules.
Brager advises communicating any changes in your schedule, such as early mornings or late nights, to your partner. Use motion-sensor night lights to avoid turning on bright overhead lights. For frequent disruptions, Dr. Vyas suggests investing in a mattress that minimizes movement when one partner gets in or out of bed. Additionally, consider a storage bed or dressers with soft-closing drawers for quieter access to belongings.
5. Control your bed temperature.
If one partner prefers a cooler sleep environment while the other needs warmth, explore bed toppers with customizable cooling and heating features. Dr. Vyas recommends placing a fan or portable AC near the warmer sleeper or using separate comforters to manage individual temperature preferences effectively.
6. Sleep under separate comforters.
In Europe, it’s common for beds to have individual sheets and duvets for each person, often with beds pushed together. Adopting this approach at home can be transformative, especially if one partner tends to hog the sheets. Dr. Vyas personally uses this method, known as the Scandinavian sleep method, to resolve similar issues with her husband. This technique allows each person to choose their preferred comforter weight and style, catering to individual comfort, body temperature, and sleep needs—eliminating the need for separate rooms or nightly thermostat battles.
7. Address snoring issues.
Snoring is a frequent complaint among couples sharing a bed. To mitigate this, consider using earplugs or a white noise machine to block out the noise. Lifestyle adjustments, such as avoiding alcohol, using dust mite covers for bedding, switching to side sleeping, or wearing nasal strips like Breathe Right, can also help reduce snoring before seeking professional help.
However, if snoring is severe, it’s important to encourage your partner to get checked for sleep apnea. This condition is more than just a nuisance—it’s a health concern that should be addressed promptly for the well-being of both partners.
If your partner is unwilling to address their snoring, Brager recommends considering sleeping in a separate room to ensure both of you get the rest necessary for optimal health. “This might encourage them to undergo a sleep study and take steps to manage their sleep disorder,” she adds.
