Buzz
We've all encountered that couple online: They're constantly flooding our feeds with throwback vacation photos and over-the-top anniversary tributes, proudly embodying the #couplegoals persona.
Interestingly, research indicates that this behavior may stem from something quite different: our online sharing habits correlate with a concept called 'relationship visibility'—the degree to which we make our personal relationships part of our public identity. High 'relationship visibility' and frequent partner posts might actually be a cover for underlying relationship insecurity, according to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
The researchers hypothesized that attachment styles—the ways in which we emotionally connect and bond with others—play a significant role in our relationship visibility and posting tendencies. (Learn more about attachment theory and its different styles here.)
The study suggested that people with avoidant attachment styles, who tend to distance themselves emotionally from their partners, were less likely to seek relationship visibility. On the other hand, individuals with anxious attachment styles, who crave more assurance in their relationships, were more likely to desire greater visibility. (There's a third attachment style—secure attachment—but no significant link was found between this style and posting behavior.) After conducting a two-week study with 108 college couples who kept daily diaries about their relationships, the researchers found evidence supporting their theory.
“On days when people felt more insecure about their partner’s emotions, they were more likely to make their relationships visible,” the researchers explained. “These findings underscore the role of relationships in shaping how we present ourselves to the world.”
Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist from San Diego, California, who was not involved in the study, shared that she frequently observes this dynamic in her practice.
“People with avoidant attachment styles often withdraw and disengage from their partners, while those with anxious attachment styles are constantly seeking reassurance about their relationship, even through social media,” Chappell Marsh explained.
Chappell Marsh illustrated this difference using the example of a dinner date: An avoidant partner might enjoy a quiet, intimate meal, but their anxiously attached partner could be preoccupied with snapping photos and posting on Snapchat. The urge to document the moment could be even stronger if the avoidant partner is distant throughout the evening.
“That disconnect heightens anxiety for the anxious partner,” Chappell Marsh said. “As a result, the insecure partner may post a picture of the two of them together on Facebook in an attempt to get some ‘likes.’ Often, they’re seeking positive reinforcement because they’re not receiving reassurance from their partner.”
The partner who doesn’t share posts may eventually express frustration, not necessarily because they mind the oversharing, but rather because they feel their partner is prioritizing social media over genuine connection, said Zach Brittle, a therapist and creator of the online couples therapy program forBetter.
“The most common complaint I hear in my office involves one or both partners becoming overly dependent on their phones,” Brittle said. “Social media provides an escape, offering people a way to divert their attention away from their relationship and toward another stimulus. It's easy to understand why, with plenty of research showing the dopamine boost that comes from receiving 'likes' or shares.”
Regardless of whether someone overposts due to the rush of attention or deeper insecurities about their relationship, it’s important to remember that people typically share only the highlights of their lives, not the struggles. Ultimately, there’s no single explanation for why some individuals post so many bragging updates.
“The oversharer might genuinely be content and wish to convey that through social media — or they could feel the need to impress their peers or distract from other areas of their life that they feel insecure about,” said Danielle Kepler, founder of DK Therapy, a Chicago-based practice focused on couples therapy.
In the end, no relationship is as flawless as it appears on Instagram.
“At this point, it has become a societal norm to smile for photos, even if you’ve just had an argument moments before the picture was taken,” Kepler remarked.
While some might view oversharing as a sign of trying too hard, Brittle advised against quickly forming opinions about the couple's intentions.
“If they’re going out of their way to project a specific image, it’s likely they’re protecting something — an ideal or a certain perception,” Brittle explained. “Why? As a therapist, I believe it’s important to ask that question, though the answer isn’t always necessary. In the end, every couple’s story is unique, and social media gives them the power to present their narrative, even if it’s not entirely reflective of reality.”
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
