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You've been in a relationship with your partner for a while, and things seem to be going well. You might even be feeling those 'this is the one!' vibes. Is it time to move in together? Not quite yet. Choosing to live together is a major decision that requires careful consideration. Here are a few signs that it may indeed be the right moment to take the leap and cohabit.
YOU’RE ALREADY SPENDING A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER. Packing a bag has become a thing of the past. You’ve got clothes at your partner’s place, your toothbrush is settled in the bathroom, and maybe there’s even a drawer for your belongings or a spare key. If you’re already sharing a few nights a week together, moving in will feel like a natural step. You already have a clear picture of what life together would be like—TV watching habits, dirty dishes, and everything else that comes with it.
YOU’VE TAKEN A TRIP TOGETHER AND HAD A GREAT EXPERIENCE. While vacations can be a relaxing, picture-perfect getaway, they can also test your bond as a couple. Whether it’s hunger, fatigue, sunburns, or even stomach troubles, stepping out of your usual environment can leave you more exposed than ever. A trip also gives you a glimpse of how well you make decisions as a team, whether it’s managing the trip’s budget or choosing what to eat for dinner.
YOUDESIRE TO LIVE TOGETHER, AND IT DOESN’T FEEL FORCED. As per the 2010 Census, 7.7 million unmarried couples were already cohabiting. With cohabitation becoming more common, the pressure to move in together can feel overwhelming, as if it’s just the next step in the relationship. Don’t let the fact that all your friends moved in together after a year of dating rush you into the decision. Every relationship is unique, and what worked for your friend might not be right for you. Similarly, avoid moving in with your partner just because it seems like the most convenient option—whether due to an expiring lease or financial reasons. While cutting rent expenses might seem tempting, if it doesn’t work out, breaking a lease and finding your own place could end up being emotionally and financially taxing.
YOU’VE HAD ARGUMENTS—AND RECONCILED. Every relationship has its challenges. Before making the commitment to cohabit, ensure you've faced a few disagreements and worked through them. Do you know how to argue constructively? Are you both capable of listening to each other and finding common ground? Can you heal emotional wounds together? Conflict resolution is crucial when you’re both roommates and romantic partners. Keep in mind, when you’re living together in a small space, there’s no quick escape.
YOU’VE HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS. While “communication” might be the most commonly cited secret to relationship success, it’s for good reason. Before sharing a home, make sure you’re on the same page about what you expect from one another. Will you be spending most evenings together at home? Do you want to host friends on a regular basis? Are you both on board with keeping the kitchen clean each night? Be upfront about what you each need to feel content and at ease in your shared living space. While it’s great when you both want the same things, being willing to compromise is just as crucial for living together harmoniously.
YOU’VE HAD THE MONEY CONVERSATION. … Discussing finances can feel about as pleasant as getting a root canal, but it’s an essential part of any relationship. Is your partner a spender or a saver? If you plan on buying a house or signing a lease together, your credit scores will factor in, so it’s better to address any potential surprises ahead of time. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t have identical views on money, as long as both of you are committed to building a secure financial future together.
… AND YOU’VE SET A FINANCIAL PLAN. You may have shared the bill after a nice dinner, but have you discussed how to handle larger expenses as a couple? Start off on the right foot by deciding how you’ll split bills early on. Will rent be divided equally, or will the person with the higher income pay a larger portion? Who will be responsible for utility payments? Will you maintain a joint account for household expenses? Some couples keep track of every penny spent, while others alternate small purchases like milk or toilet paper. There’s no universal solution—it’s about finding what works best for both of you.
YOU BOTH WANT SIMILAR THINGS IN LIFE. If one of you sees cohabitation as the first step towards marriage while the other has no interest in marriage, living together won't lead to a fairytale ending. Before you start packing your belongings, ensure that you share similar long-term goals. You don’t need to have a detailed five-year roadmap, but being in a committed relationship requires planning for a future together. Make sure you’re both heading in the same direction.
Thinking of moving in together? It might be uncomfortable, but you’ll need to have The Money Talk. Get a clear picture of your financial standing by checking out Discover’s free Credit Scorecard. You can see your credit score, even if you aren’t a Discover customer. Visit Discover to learn more.
