How can parents carve out personal time for themselves?

Between marriage, children, careers, and daily activities, modern family life is incredibly hectic. Despite the best efforts to manage everything, there’s often little time left to spend with the very family we strive to support. This challenge is even more pronounced for working parents: after juggling work, household chores, and childcare, finding moments for spousal connection becomes nearly impossible.

Is it selfish or impractical to desire time for yourself and moments alone with your spouse? Not at all. In reality, setting aside regular time for yourself and your partner, away from the kids, strengthens your marriage, fosters a healthier family dynamic, and contributes to raising well-adjusted children.

Psychologists suggest that dedicating time to your spouse communicates their importance and reaffirms that the relationship remains a priority, even after having children [source: Relevant]. This time away from parenting roles strengthens the parental unit, fostering unity and mutual support. It also helps parents reclaim their individual identities, which often get overshadowed by the roles of "Mom" or "Dad." A romantic evening or quiet alone time can reignite personal aspirations and needs that are frequently neglected in the hustle of parenting.

This article explores the significance of parents taking breaks from their children and offers practical ways to achieve it. While date nights are ideal, they aren't always feasible. Discover alternative methods to spend quality time with your spouse and carve out moments for personal solitude.

Why Parents Should Spend Time Alone

It’s crucial for parents to allocate time for themselves, whether it’s an hour each evening or an entire weekend getaway. As life partners, staying connected and aligned is essential, and rekindling that bond is vital. Beyond being parents, you are individuals and part of a couple, requiring romantic connection and mature conversations.

A thriving marriage, nurtured through kid-free moments, enhances parenting. Ellen Kriedman, a marriage counselor and author of "How Can We Light a Fire When the Kids Are Driving Us Crazy," emphasizes that "well-adjusted children thrive in homes where parents genuinely love each other" [source: Cohen].

Focusing solely on parenting, without cultivating personal interests outside of home and work, can harm a marriage and the emotional well-being of everyone involved. Overwhelmed parents, despite their best intentions, may not perform at their best. Parents require breaks from life's demands, and some experts warn that excessive "helicopter parenting" can stifle a child's growth [source: Stechyson]. Just as babies benefit from learning to self-soothe, children thrive when given opportunities to develop independence. For instance, leaving children with a sitter or grandparent teaches them that separation is normal. When parents enjoy a movie night out, they recharge, and the child gains confidence by navigating a new experience.

Children also reap long-term rewards when parents take time for themselves. Kids emulate their parents' behavior, including how they manage adult responsibilities and relationships. As they grow into parents themselves, they’ll reflect on your example. If you maintained balance, remained composed, and nurtured a loving, respectful connection with your spouse, they’ll likely adopt similar practices.

Now that you understand the importance of date nights or personal time, you might dream of dining somewhere without tater tots. But how? Life is hectic, and exhaustion is real. Don’t worry—there are solutions! Discover them on the next page.

How Parents Can Get Away From the Kids

For the health of your marriage, your children, and your own happiness and mental well-being, it’s essential to carve out time for yourself and your spouse. It may require effort, but it’s worth it. There’s no harm in scheduling these moments—whether it’s a romantic dinner or a solo morning walk. If you’re someone who thrives on structure, use that to your advantage. Spontaneity might have been easier before kids, but now, planning ensures you prioritize what matters most.

You don’t need to carve out time daily or even weekly, nor does it always have to be romantic—though that’s a great option. Determine how much time you need to feel balanced, rejuvenated, and reconnected. This could mean a quarterly weekend getaway to a mountain spa with your spouse or something as simple as sending the kids to play for 10 minutes while you and your partner tackle the dishes together. Even during family errands, with the kids in their car seats, the adults up front can enjoy a cheerful conversation. If you want to plan something special, date nights are a timeless choice. They offer a chance to reignite romance, reconnect, and focus on being partners rather than parents for a few hours. If traditional dates feel cliché or costly, try something new: enroll in a shared class, like cooking or genealogy, engage in a sport together, or opt for a lunch date—minimal time commitment with maximum escapism.

Regularly nurturing your marriage through small conversations and occasional dinners out is fantastic. But what about solo time for each parent?

How a Parent Can Find Alone Time

Securing personal time for growth, self-care, and respite is just as crucial as couples’ time. That’s why it’s wise for parents to regularly allocate moments for themselves, separate from work, family, and marital responsibilities.

There are countless ways to find personal time, from a few minutes daily to a couple of hours weekly. This time doesn’t always need to be solitary or planned—stolen moments can be found throughout the day. If your 5-year-old enjoys independent play during bath time, grab a book. For those craving silence, wake up 15 minutes earlier than the household to practice yoga or listen to music with headphones.

Planning "time-outs" is an effective strategy to carve out personal moments. If you’re in a city or a large suburban area, there’s likely a gym close by. Attend a lunchtime fitness class to combine exercise with personal time. For a more relaxed approach, have your spouse handle the kids for an hour on a weekend morning while you indulge in something enjoyable, like browsing a bookstore or grabbing a latte.

Since personal time also strengthens your bond with your spouse, ensure both of you get equal opportunities. If one partner attends a pottery class every other Tuesday night, the other should have scheduled hours each month to pursue personal passions, like writing a novel. This setup also offers the at-home parent some quiet time or one-on-one moments with the kids if they’re still awake.