Buzz
I waited for my seven-year-old to finish his breakfast before delivering the news. 'Do you remember the election that happened yesterday?' I asked. 'Yeah? Who won?' he replied. I had to tell him: Donald Trump.
Throughout the year, we had discussed what a president does and why I believed Hillary was the best fit for the role. I reassured him when he would make strong statements like 'Donald Trump is evil!' or 'Everything Donald Trump says is a lie!' I think it’s important to avoid labeling people as evil. And according to Politifact, only 70 percent of Trump’s fact-checked statements are outright lies.
We had also discussed the concept of a Muslim and the fact that Trump discriminated against Muslims, despite the idea that we should be kind to people regardless of their religion. I shared my perspective on why Trump’s views on immigration were wrong and why we should welcome refugees. I explained, once again, what racism is and how it remains a real issue today. Otherwise, he might come to believe, like many adults, that racism is only a historical issue to be talked about on Martin Luther King Day.
When I responded to his question at breakfast, it must have brought everything rushing back to him. He immediately squinted, opened his mouth wide, and let out a wail toward the heavens.
The difficulty lies in figuring out just how upset he really is. He reacts the same way when it’s time to turn off the TV at night, or when he asks for oatmeal and I prepare it, only for him to decide that he’s always hated it.
We kept talking for a few more minutes before it was time to get ready for school. During that time, I did my best to explain the election results to him and allowed him to ask questions. He seemed satisfied with the answers, and before long, he was chatting about something else entirely. I have no idea when or if he’ll break down crying again, but here's how I handled that conversation.
What I Said
It’s a delicate balance to reassure someone without increasing their anxieties. Here are the points I used in the conversation—feel free to use them yourself.
I will always do my very best to protect you. I didn’t dive into specific fears; my thoughts were running wild, and there’s still not enough information to fully grasp the extent of the damage Trump could cause. But as your mother, I will always love you and protect you with every ounce of my strength.
Now, more than ever, it is crucial that we all watch out for each other. I revisited the key points from our previous talks about kindness and bullying: We stand up for others and keep them safe. We even try to befriend those who may act as bullies. I have told my child that it is his responsibility to seek out and offer friendship to anyone having a hard time or appearing lonely.
The president is not in charge of everything. I reminded him that there are many people in the government who would need to agree with a harmful idea before it becomes a real issue. We can also reach out to those individuals and ask them to make good choices.
The appropriate talking points will vary depending on the child. There may be times when you realize there’s something you haven’t yet discussed, or that your child’s understanding isn’t what you assumed. Topics like racism, xenophobia, and sexism can be tough to address, but pretending they don’t exist harms our children. I’ve done my best to approach these subjects in a way my child can comprehend, but I did overlook explaining how our government functions beyond the simple fact that there is a president. (“Did you know each country has its own president?” he once asked, genuinely surprised.)
What Kids Need to Hear
Kids who are old enough to grasp the issue should hear about it from a trusted source, like you. PBS Parents suggests bringing up difficult topics before kids ask, as they will likely hear about them elsewhere and start worrying—without sharing it with you first.
For younger children, about age seven or younger, Common Sense Media’s advice on news emphasizes that kids mainly need reassurance that they are safe. To avoid unsettling them, don’t keep the news on constantly or talk about it non-stop. Distract them, and yourself, with activities like watching a movie while giving them lots of comforting hugs.
For older children, Common Sense Media suggests being present for conversations while allowing the child to steer the discussion. You can inquire about what they’ve heard, but avoid sharing distressing information unless you’re confident they can grasp and process it. For instance, I refrained from telling my son that some children are starting to worry about the possibility of deportation for themselves or their families. If he hears about it and wishes to talk, I’ll be there for him. However, he’s still young enough that the difference between facts and fears can be blurry. Children at this age may misinterpret troubling news and believe they themselves are at immediate risk.
As children grow older, they require less assistance in comprehending the news, yet they may still struggle with processing it in a healthy manner. Common Sense advises checking in with teens to understand what they’ve heard and what they think about it. At this stage, they are forming political beliefs, so it’s important to listen to them first before stepping in to correct them if there’s disagreement. Their perception of danger will be more developed than that of a younger child’s, but it might still be exaggerated.
Teachers may find it helpful to explore discussion prompts like these from the New York Times, designed to spark conversations about what a Trump victory could mean for young people and the world.
When talking to younger kids, like my seven-year-old, try building the conversation from previous discussions or stories that your child can connect with. My child wondered if Trump might change his mind. I replied, 'That’s possible, his heart could grow, like the Grinch.'
I realized that analogy could go even further: Even though the Whos were under the watch of a Grinch, they continued to show love for one another, regardless of what the Grinch said or did. That’s the best advice I could offer.
Artwork by Sam Woolley.
