Buzz
Dear Mytour, I've been close friends with someone for nearly a decade. Recently, they've started treating me poorly without any obvious reason, while behaving perfectly fine with others. I don't recall doing anything to upset them and would like to resolve this issue. Do you have any advice on how to approach or address this behavior?
Sincerely, A Frustrated Friend
Dear FF, Many of us have faced this kind of situation at some point. While it often resolves itself, sometimes friendships can take a serious downturn. It's never pleasant, but here are some strategies to manage it effectively.
Set Aside Time for a Honest Conversation
Before jumping to conclusions, take a moment to assess whether your friendship is truly at risk. Occasional rude behavior doesn't necessarily mean your friend is cutting ties. However, the only way to truly understand and resolve the issue is by having an open conversation with them.
While it might seem like obvious advice, discussing the issue directly is often the most effective solution, as highlighted by The Huffington Post:
If you've experienced a rift or need to address a problem with a friend, reach out. Let them know you value the friendship and want to discuss what's been going on.
Being direct can be challenging, and the discussion might not go smoothly. There's no perfect way to handle this, but the best approach is to meet face-to-face and be honest. Point out their behavior, express how it affects you, and ask for an explanation. Ideally, this will lead to a constructive dialogue.
If you're unsure how to handle the conversation, we've previously covered how to call out problematic behavior and deal with manipulative individuals. If nothing works, it might be time to reconsider whether this friendship is worth maintaining.
Consider Lowering the Friendship's Intensity
A decade-long friendship often carries a lot of weight, meaning you might be spending significant time together and engaging in numerous shared activities. Over time, this can strain the relationship. As Psychology Today points out, sometimes the best approach is to reduce the intensity of the friendship:
Ask yourself if ending the friendship is necessary. Could you instead scale back the relationship, seeing each other less frequently or interacting more within a group setting?
While it might sound unconventional, the goal is to create some distance. Sometimes, altering the dynamics can breathe new life into a relationship. If your friendship has fallen into a predictable pattern, changing how you interact can help sustain it. It may not be the same as it was over the past 10 years, but it can still remain meaningful.
Take a Temporary Step Back from the Friendship
A decade-long friendship means you've likely shared countless experiences, from highs to lows. While it's difficult to pinpoint why they've started acting poorly, sometimes friendships simply need a pause. As Psychology Today notes, this isn't necessarily negative and can stem from natural growth and change:
Friendships can drift apart when one person evolves while the other remains stagnant, or when you're still discovering your own identity and are influenced by the values of those around you.
When friends grow apart, they might struggle to cope and react by behaving poorly. Psychology Today shares an extreme example involving a friend's volatile temper (and even elk urine), but concludes with this advice:
Since this is a 15-year friendship, it's probable she'll return to you once she moves past this phase. Be patient and give her the space she needs. You've already done your part to support her.
Dealing with a friend who suddenly turns hostile is never easy, but maintaining civility is key, even if the friendship can't be fully restored.
Best of luck, Mytour
Images by tommaso lizzul (Shutterstock), Ninja M, Frederick Dennstedt, Jesper Rønn-Jensen, N1NJ4.
