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Choosing your life partner is one of the most significant financial choices you'll make. In fact, financial discord is a primary factor in many divorces.
While these may not be the most romantic thoughts, they're highly practical: Is either of you carrying debt? Do you both have similar credit scores? Are your financial goals aligned? Will you have children? And more.
There's no shortage of advice on aligning your financial views, and much of it suggests making compromises: You're in this together, so it's important for both of you to give and receive. Some recommendations include scheduling a monthly date night, sharing responsibilities, and maintaining transparency from the start.
However, in a recent episode of the Forever 35 podcast, financial therapist Amanda Clayman suggests that instead of seeing decisions as compromises, shift the conversation. Focus on what matters most to both of you and how money can help you both achieve your goals. Clayman proposes moving away from compromise and toward co-giving. A useful question to ask your partner is, “How can I contribute in a way that allows our finances to serve your needs, and how can you contribute so that our money supports mine?”
Acknowledge that both of you bring unique strengths, weaknesses, and viewpoints to your partnership.
"I believe we need to stop focusing on being right when it comes to money, which is challenging because money is tied to our fundamental need for survival," she says. "Instead, think about it like: 'I bring these elements to our life, and my partner brings these other elements, so how can we make them fit together as best as possible?'"
Rather than believing there's a single right or wrong way to manage money, couples should explore the reasons behind their emotions together. There's no one-size-fits-all approach, especially when it comes to finances.
"Money is such a great tool for compromise, truly," she says. "If we stop thinking that 'saving is good and spending is bad,' or 'you're being stingy and need to live for the moment,' by stepping away from absolutes, we create an opportunity to ask, 'I need to save X, you want to spend Y, how can we find a middle ground?'"
