Buzz
Many individuals overlook the most meaningful items when drafting their wills.
Jeffrey Coolidge/The Image Bank/Getty ImagesIf you’ve prepared a will, chances are you’ve assigned portions of your estate. Those who plan ahead to spare their families from disputes like Sister v. Brother often decide who inherits properties, investments, or luxury vehicles. They’ve accounted for the financial assets.
However, some fail to consider items with deep emotional significance.
Handling financial affairs can be challenging, but navigating emotional attachments is often even more complex. Designating family heirlooms requires careful thought, sensitivity, and, above all, foresight. This task, which can indeed be lengthy, is best started well in advance.
The initial step is determining whether your 1920s dining room set qualifies as an heirloom, a functional piece of furniture, or simply something of little value.
Heirloom or Crap?
Ah, your cherished piggy bank collection. Unless you have a family member in the barbecue industry, it might not be a sought-after heirloom.
Photo courtesy of USA.govWhat one person considers trash, another may treasure as an heirloom, and the reverse is equally true. Before parting with your cherished gilded-poodle china set, ask yourself: Would my son, daughter, cousin, or niece truly value this?
Admittedly, it’s difficult to predict, but there are several factors to weigh. Has the item been handed down through multiple generations? Is it something others might use, display, or cherish, or does it appeal only to those with highly specific tastes? Lastly, has any family member shown interest in it, admired it, or even claimed it?
Were you pleased to receive it as an inheritance?
If most of these answers are affirmative, then you likely have a family heirloom worthy of designation.
That’s the simpler step. The next choice, however, could impact your family for generations to come (no pressure).
Who Wants It?
If your mother cherished her heirloom clock and your daughter shared a close bond with her grandmother, passing it down might feel like the obvious choice.
Photo courtesy of Florida Legislative Research Center and MuseumWhen deciding who should inherit your great-grandmother’s pearl earrings, her well-worn recipe book, a painting that crossed the ocean with immigrant grandparents, or the shadow box containing tags from Sparky I, II, and III, begin with this simple question: Does anyone truly desire it?
If a family member has shown significant interest in a specific heirloom, it likely belongs with them. Emotional connections also matter—whether to the item itself (like if it adorned someone’s childhood room) or to the person who originally owned it (who was closest to Grandpa?). Choosing someone else for reasons like matching their décor could lead to lasting hurt feelings.
If no clear recipient emerges, or worse, multiple individuals vie for the same item, you may face some challenging choices.
Who Gets It?
A fundamental rule for assigning heirlooms is to keep them within the family.
Photo courtesy of the Office of the Clerk.govYour daughter has expressed her admiration for the dining room set your great-uncle crafted for your mother’s wedding. Your daughter-in-law has done the same. How do you decide?
The straightforward answer? It belongs to your daughter.
Family decisions aren’t always clear-cut, but the general rule is to prioritize blood relations. Even if your daughter-in-law desires it more, your daughter has been part of the family far longer.
If your son has shown interest, the decision becomes trickier. You could try to gauge who values it more, assign the dining set to your son and another heirloom of comparable worth to your daughter, or, ideally, discuss it with them. You might discover one was merely being courteous.
This leads to the final significant question: When should they learn what they’ve inherited?
How Will They Know?
You might assume no one cares about your dusty old medallion, but reaching out to local museums could reveal unexpected interest.
Photo courtesy of Library of CongressThere are several approaches to designating family heirlooms. Including them in your will ensures your wishes are documented and harder to dispute, though this might create challenges for your heirs.
To minimize hurt feelings, disputes, and tough decisions, consider organizing a family gathering where everyone can choose items they desire. A popular method involves taking turns with colored stickers, allowing each family member to select an item in sequence.
A significant advantage of this approach is that it removes grief from the equation. Grief can amplify emotions, making the loss of a treasured heirloom feel devastating.
If deciding who inherits what feels too daunting, and you’d rather not disclose your choices, donating the items is an option. Local museums might appreciate an antique, and charities could sell valuable pieces. This way, your children may direct their frustration at you rather than each other, ensuring they continue sharing Thanksgiving long after you’re gone.
