Buzz
No one enjoys bad news, and sharing it can feel uncomfortable, often risking ruining someone's day. Yet, sometimes, it's unavoidable. We tend to delay delivering such news out of selfishness, but that's not the right approach. Here’s a more effective way to handle it.
Messengers of bad news often face a negative reputation. After all, no one enjoys hearing what they have to say, which explains why the messenger often feels anxious. The phrase "don’t shoot the messenger" originated in 1598 in Shakespeare's Henry IV, Part II, and even earlier in Sophocles' Antigone (written before 442 BC), which mentions "no one loves the messenger who brings bad news." We've been harsh on the bearers of bad news for centuries, which likely contributes to the anxiety and poor delivery. It's time to let go of that fear, get to the point, and handle the tough conversation without hesitation.
Be Direct
Leading up to bad news with unnecessary details is usually a bad move. While there may be exceptions, overwhelming the listener with too much background creates unnecessary suspense and anxiety. For instance, explaining how your brother hurt his foot in chronological order might make the listener worry about the outcome, thinking the situation could be worse than it actually is. When delivering bad news, aim to be direct and clear. Taking too much time only makes you feel better, not the person on the receiving end.
The severity of 'the point' can vary greatly. An injured foot, for instance, is clearly a minor issue compared to death. A message like 'Hi Jill, Brian broke his foot and is in the hospital, but he's fine now' is far more effective than 'Hi Jill, Brian’s dead.' When you're delivering particularly tough news, sometimes it's best to ease in slowly. While it's important to be direct, in more extreme cases, you might want to start with something like 'I have some bad news.' This allows you to establish seriousness. For example, 'Hi Jill, I just saw your husband Fred kissing another woman in the supermarket' might confuse Jill. However, if Jill had recently lost her brother in a fatal foot accident, she might already be prepared for bad news.
Ultimately, it boils down to this: Identify the key piece of information, condense it into one clear sentence, and state it directly without hesitation. If necessary, introduce the news with a brief phrase like 'I have some bad news.' That’s really all there is to it.
What You Said
I asked people on social media how they manage delivering bad news, and most of you agree that it’s best to be swift and to the point. Some of you also shared a few amusing (and practical) tips.
Tami recommends following up with some positive—or at least constructive—news when possible to soften the impact of bad news.
Perhaps there’s a way to soften the impact. For instance, if you have to let someone go that you like, you could inform them of other job opportunities you come across and offer a strong recommendation for them.
Cee Bee Cee advises us not to treat the person receiving the bad news like a child:
It’s important to avoid being condescending. Treat them with respect as an adult, but don’t go overboard with harshness.
And as William humorously suggests, you could just hire two cute little girls to do the job for you.
Social GPS is a regular post focused on navigating those tricky, uncomfortable moments in life. If there’s a social dilemma you need help with, reach out to us!
