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Discussing the end of therapy with your therapist can be as daunting as ending a romantic relationship or leaving a long-term job.
However, rest assured that therapists are trained professionals adept at handling such situations. Whether you're stopping therapy due to a lack of connection with your therapist or because you've achieved your goals, your decision is unlikely to surprise them.
“Therapists are experienced in discussing what’s effective and what isn’t,” explains Deborah R. Glasofer, a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy in New York City. By initiating this conversation, you may receive either a mutual agreement on how to conclude therapy or a referral to a different treatment approach, fostering better collaboration.
(Note: This discussion focuses on ending talk therapy or counseling, not psychiatric treatment. If you’re under psychiatric care, considering medication changes, or being treated for a condition that poses risks to yourself or others, consult your psychiatrist or primary care physician for guidance.)
How to Tell If It’s Time to Move On
“Reflect on the issue that initially brought you to therapy. If you believe it’s resolved or you’ve acquired the necessary skills to manage your symptoms effectively, it might be time to conclude therapy,” Dr. Glasofer advises. “This is especially true if you’ve felt stable for an extended period.”
(She adds that even if all these conditions are met, you might still choose to continue therapy but “redirect the focus.”)
Another reason to consider ending therapy is dissatisfaction with your therapist. “Sometimes the relationship is challenging from the start,” says Sharon Peled, a psychologist and PsyD currently training in psychoanalysis, who has practiced in both New York and Israel.
A therapist who is condescending or patronizing isn’t worth continuing with, but even without such behavior, a therapist might unintentionally trigger a patient or lack the right chemistry.
“The patient may feel the therapist resembles someone they have a challenging relationship with,” Dr. Peled explains. “Even as therapists, we sometimes struggle to admit when we’re not the right match for someone.” In such cases, it often comes down to the patient’s intuition.
However, it’s important to note that feeling unsettled after therapy can sometimes be part of the healing process. It may take a few sessions to determine whether this discomfort stems from deep emotional work or simply indicates a poor fit with the therapist.
How To Bring Up the Subject With Your Therapist
“It’s always best to have this conversation in person,” Dr. Glasofer advises. If discussing this topic makes you anxious, consider sending a text or email beforehand to let your therapist know you’d like to talk about the direction of your therapy.
Dr. Peled recently encountered a situation where a patient sent her a hostile text while she was away, expressing they didn’t miss therapy at all. “That’s not the right way to end therapy,” she notes. “A healthier approach is to have a conversation. It’s a process that requires communication.”
“Be as straightforward and transparent as possible about your concerns,” Dr. Glasofer advises.
Giving the Right Amount of Notice
All the therapists we interviewed (one of whom chose to remain anonymous) emphasized the importance of not abruptly ending therapy without explanation.
“I would advise against stopping therapy suddenly unless a boundary has been violated or there are ethical concerns about the therapist,” Dr. Glasofer explains.
Therapy, much like other interpersonal relationships, requires proper closure.
The method of ending therapy can vary depending on the type of therapy and the duration of your relationship with the therapist, according to professionals.
If you’ve attended fewer than three sessions, ending via email might suffice. For longer-term therapy, it’s advisable to discuss with your therapist how they prefer to handle the conclusion of therapy.
For instance, in psychoanalysis—a long-term, insight-focused approach—therapists may prefer a more extended period to reflect on the termination. In contrast, therapy centered around specific behavioral issues might warrant a shorter wrap-up.
Dr. Peled suggests that, ideally, she would need two months to conclude therapy for a child and four to six months for an adult. “It’s akin to a mourning process—denial, negotiation, acceptance...all of it. We need time to recognize the mutual growth and insights gained. It’s a process that requires time,” she explains.
Dealing with Pushback
If you’ve achieved the goals established at the start of therapy, you might find your therapist agrees that it’s time to conclude your sessions.
If they disagree, consider their perspective and take time to reflect on whether their advice aligns with your needs. If you feel uneasy, you can always communicate your decision to end therapy via email or voicemail, according to professionals.
“Ultimately, it’s your therapy, and the decision to end it is yours,” Dr. Glasofer emphasizes.
She adds, “Therapy won’t be effective if you’re not fully committed to being there.”
Remember: You Can Always Resume At Another Date
Therapeutic relationships may pause, but they can also restart. “Some individuals prefer to check in periodically—similar to receiving a booster shot,” Dr. Glasofer explains. “New life challenges may arise, and while you don’t have to return to the same therapist, therapy itself is always an option.”
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