Buzz
Whether it's a get-together with friends, a work event you can't avoid, or an invitation you felt obligated to accept, there are times when you simply need a way out. It's okay to cancel plans every once in a while. We all strive for perfection, but it's impossible to be everywhere or do everything, and sometimes it's necessary to take a step back and say 'no' to prioritize yourself.
Make Your Commitments Flexible
If you sense you're not going to enjoy something or you're dreading the plans you've made, avoid making a full commitment from the start. Dislike the venue your friends chose or realize that particular evening is your only chance for quality time with your partner this week? It's already clear in your mind. Respond with a suggestion that allows room for flexibility, like 'Let me think about it' or 'I need to check my schedule, and I'll confirm later.' This way, if you eventually need to back out, it's disappointing but not shocking or hurtful to the other person.
Provide Ample Notice
If you've already committed to plans but find yourself wanting to back out, don't hesitate to act. Meg Malone from the Gurl blog recommends informing the other person as soon as you can. While it might feel tempting to wait until the last moment to cancel, doing so is inconsiderate and wastes the other person's time. Additionally, giving them early notice allows them the chance to make alternative arrangements and lessens the likelihood of them feeling hurt or upset.
Pick a Convincing Excuse
Although it’s never a good idea to outright lie or fabricate reasons, it’s fine to use a reasonable excuse if you really need one. Perhaps your pet requires attention, or you’re looking after someone else's animal. Maybe your partner insists on spending time with you, and tonight's the perfect evening for a special surprise. Or, you might have the ultimate excuse: your kids. They always come first, and everyone understands that, right? Using a solid excuse not only offers the other party a reasonable explanation but also portrays you as responsible. (Just be cautious not to overuse your scapegoat, or they'll end up taking the fall for things that aren’t their fault.)
Keep the Details to a Minimum
Depending on the situation, you may prefer to keep the details you share to a bare minimum. It's not necessary to reveal every aspect of your life to others. Your time is yours, and if you feel there’s no need for the other person to know the specifics of why you can't attend, then keep your explanation simple. Sometimes personal issues arise that are best kept private. You can say you're dealing with a personal emergency or need to focus on more pressing matters. While honesty is important, you only need to share as much as you’re comfortable with. If the other person values your boundaries, they will understand and respect your need for privacy.
Pretend You're Ill
This excuse is a classic go-to. Everyone is familiar with what it's like to be sick, making it a quick way to get out of a situation. The more graphic the details, the better, especially if they’re unpleasant. Descriptions involving vomiting, diarrhea, mucus, and the term 'buildup' should work wonders. You could also claim food poisoning from a random fast food chain. Just remember, lying isn’t the best approach, so reserve the 'I'm sick' excuse for emergencies only, like a last-minute option in your mental 'emergency response plan.'
Be Truly Apologetic and Sincere
Make sure to tell the other person you’re genuinely sorry—and mean it. Even if it’s a situation or person you’d rather avoid, you still owe an apology for backing out of a commitment. Someone was relying on you, so express as much regret as you can. If you're fabricating a reason for not showing up, being apologetic and sounding sincere will make it seem more plausible. Even if they suspect you're not entirely truthful, they'll appreciate that you took the time to apologize. A heartfelt 'I'm sorry' can go a long way.
Suggest an Alternative Time
Once you’ve apologized for canceling, make an effort to suggest another time to meet up as soon as possible. If you managed to get out of something you didn’t want to do, you can still show politeness by expressing some interest in rescheduling. Try keeping things open with phrases like, 'Maybe we can find another time soon?' or 'I’ll reach out when I have some free time to try again.' Of course, if you genuinely want to reschedule, it’s even better.
Reevaluate Your Priorities
You only risk being seen as flaky if you regularly back out of plans. It's perfectly fine to do it occasionally, as long as it doesn’t turn into a habit. Everyone needs time to recharge or preserve their mental health from time to time, but if you find yourself frequently canceling or avoiding events, it may be time to reevaluate your priorities. Stop agreeing to plans with people you don’t actually want to hang out with. Only attend events when necessary, and when you do, set a limit on how long you'll stay. Most likely, you’re canceling because your schedule is overloaded, and you just need to say 'no' more often.
Photos by MsSaraKelly.
